Category Archives: Career & Education

In Line

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Can you give me some very practical tips to prepare for a phone
interview? I know I could do the job if I get it. But there’s a pre-
screening interview– 30 minutes with one person– before an interview
with the whole team. I need to pass this test to get to the people who
really matter. Do you have any advice about getting past the
gatekeeper?

In Line

 
Dear In Line:

First, change your mindset. Right now, the most important person in
your professional life – other than yourself – is the phone screener.
Rather than seeing him/her as someone who doesn’t matter, recognize
this person holds the key to your future. Treat every moment of the
interview, and the interviewer, with your full respect, attention, and
appreciative cooperation.

 
List of the relevant items in the job description. Match that list with
what you’ve done in your professional and volunteer life. Be very
specific. Then come up with examples of how your experience fits what
they’re hiring for. Drum up sample questions. The obvious ones are:
What did you like most/least about your prior you’re your
strengths/weaknesses? Successes/failures? Work style/computer
skills? There will be more relevant ones, as well as answers you may
want to give if the question you’re asked doesn’t quite match your
strengths, as in, I haven’t done that exactly but I have done x, y,z.
But I am a very quick learner.

 
Practice your answers. Write them in paragraph form first and say
them aloud. Think 160 words per minute of answer. Mo answer should
take more than 90 seconds max. Once you can say them with a nice
balance of refreshing candor and chest-thumping humility, translate
them into keywords. Have a crib sheet in front of you with two
columns: question keywords in one, and answer keywords in another.
One nice thing about a phone interview is that you can keep some
resources handy.

 
Last: send a follow-up email first thing the very next morning. Say
how useful it was to talk, that it only increased your enthusiasm for
the job, and you look forward to meeting the full team at the next
interview. Holler if you get a call.

Angry

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m having trouble with a friend of five years. She is a self-employed
professional with a very strong personality and equally strong opinions
Usually I can handle it, but now I’m more fragile. I was laid off from
my job five months ago after more than ten years on the job. I put up
with all sorts of c**p, and the layoff/elimination of my job were part of
a structured settlement, in lieu of a lawsuit. I am legally eligible for
unemployment and very diligently looking for a new job. I knew the
risk when I took the deal but it was better for my mental health than
staying. Not sure I’d do it again, given the market, but that’s a
different tale of woe, ageism, sexism. She accused me of “bilking the
system” and is rudely sarcastic every time she asks how my job search
is going. Now she’s taken to emailing me low-level job
announcements, things equivalent to serving burgers. Should I ignore
this or call her on her elitist rudeness?

Angry

 
Dear Angry:

Your anger and building frustration about prolonged unemployment
are legitimate. Anyone who is responsible for her own professional life
cannot really understand what it takes to put yourself out there day
after day for the review and judgment of others. She clearly is not only
detached from the realities of unemployment but lacking in sensitivity.
That’s probably not what you should say, though I am sure you’ve
been tempted to tell her where to put the announcements.

 
Ignore everything until you are being social, say after a movie and
over a drink and until she says something clearly out of line. Then say
clearly, Do you realize that hurts? I’m looking for appropriate work,
and having to count every week and every dollar. I’m a good and loyal
worker who was between a rock and a hard place. I paid into the
unemployment system for more than ten years. Now it’s helping me
survive. If you want to be helpful, send me leads that are worthy of
who I am and what I do. Help me network. Please don’t discuss this
aspect of my life with me unless you are supportive. That’s how a true
friend would be helpful. Then shut up and let her think on it. If she
doesn’t change, save your social time and money for people who
appreciate you.

Likes to Look

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am a guy who&'s lucky to work with a couple of hot women who dress
in a very provocative way. I guess the other day I was checking one
out, and later got called into HR and reprimanded for harassment! This
hardly seems fair. Ladies, if you want to be taken seriously as
professionals, you gotta dress that way, not like someone I’d see in a
bar on a Saturday night. Guys are only human. What do you think,
Jewish Fairy Godmother?

Likes to Look
Dear Likes to Look:
I think you’re lucky you weren’t fired. Some companies have a zero
tolerance policy. Depending on what you did and the company policies,
it could have been one strike and you are out.
I checked the date on your email to see if somehow it had slipped
through some cosmic time warp and was from the Mad Men era. But
no, it’s current. And while it’s hard to imagine that there’s still people
so ignorant of the laws and social issues related to sexual harassment
that they’d think that a colleague would be dressing to attract the
attention of someone stupid enough to ogle them, or that anyone in a
professional work setting would be dressing “provocatively,” you’ve
managed to prove me wrong. Sadly, you and others like you not only
exist but are exactly who the rules were written to protect women
from.
Here’s life in the 21 st century: Women are free and independent
people. They have the right to dress for themselves without somehow
being perceived as fair game or the objects of your in appropriate
attention. While no one can control what goes on inside your head,
they can see what you do with your eyes and hear what you do with
your mouth. If you want to keep your job you’re going to have to
change pretty fast. Here’s some handy tips I hope that the HR Director
conveyed to you. Stay polite and respectful in your words and your
attentions. Do not ask about people’s personal lives. Trust me, what
you will think will be subtle or casual will sound invasive and even
potentially threatening, doubly so after your warning. Do not leer,
ogle, or whistle. Do not think it is a joke if you choose to break the
rules. Do not joke with male colleagues about how the women are
dressing or acting. Finally, start working on your resume, because you
are likely to get much more scrutiny from folks and you don’t sound
smart enough to take good advice.

Newbie

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am a newbie artist who just got into her first juried show. I will be in
the Art for your Garden part of a local three-day festival that attracts
serious artists from around the region. I will be competing for people’s
money with painters and jewelers. I make some very attractive
decorative glass pieces, small wall vases, light catchers, and such like.
They’re not high-end museum quality but would be a perfect gift to
give or get. How can I know how to price or display them?

Newbie

 
Dear Newbie:

This is a great chance to test the market. My advice would be to have
lots of stock ready and available. Then price it low enough to catch
people’s attention, but not so low that people discount it as not
valuable. Your goal is both to sell and be seen. Also, to create a little
buzz, because you are new, and many people are used to seeing the
same old, same old, same old things at these shows, even if they are
made by well-respected artists.

 
The principles of Econ 101 suggest that you should not put everything
you have out all at once. If you overwhelm the viewer (and potential
patron) with too many choices there’s a chance that they will be
overcome with indecision paralysis. They’ll spend lots of time looking
and trying to decide, and then say politely, I’ll come back later. That
translates into lost sales. There’s a sense of slightly less supply making
the value of what’s shown at least a little more precious. One or at
most two each of each color in each object should be out at any given
time. Have the extra stock hidden beneath some fabric, packed
carefully but accessible, so that if someone asks, Do you have a purple
and red one? you can find it easily. Keep all your money on your
person in a fanny pack. If you were selling jewelry you’d have to be
especially careful about light-fingered viewers. Chat with people and
be friendly and engaging, especially when you talk about how much
you love what you do. Infectious enthusiasm helps create customers
as much as the art. Be the person they want to buy from.

Invaded

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Is it legal for the human resources/managing partner to ask the reason
for leaving early? Would your answer change if I were taking the time
as paid time (personal or vacation time) or without pay? I have some
very special conditions occurring in my life right now that I do not
want to discuss with my employer. Do they have the right to know if I
am dealing with anything, whether it is a serious health issue or a
divorce? I feel like this is my life and I want clear separation between
what’s personal and what’s work. Today I got a third degree about
why I was taking time off. I didn’t answer what I didn’t want to, but
now I am concerned there will be consequences.

Invaded

 
Dear Invaded

First of all I am not an attorney, so the simple answer is, I don’t know.
The best way to get the right answer for your specific situation is to
consult your company’s personnel policies, to ask the state Bureau of
Labor and Industries, or to consult a labor attorney. But those answers
will be the legal ones and beyond the law you are dealing in the murky
midlands between what’s legal and what employers think they can get
away with. There’s always a sense of ownership of staff and a sense of
the right to ask questions by employers that you are right to have
resistance around. But that won&'t keep a boss from asking, prying,
probing, and generally intimidating.

 
In general, if your absence were from a situation where you can
anticipate reoccurrences, you would be wise to have the inevitable
conversation sooner rather than later. First learn what you are
obligated to share re how much time and often you’ll need to take off.
Then initiate the discussion. Say you’re going through a rough patch
and will need some intermittent personal time. These time away will
be for a few hours per occasion and you will be sure, to the best of
your ability, to schedule around company priorities. You will make sure
your work will not be impacted. You will alert them if this situation will
last more than a few weeks/months. But that because it involves very
personal issues you prefer not to have it discussed in your workplace.
Then be quiet, hope they don’t ask more, and if they do give as little
as you can. When you leave, thank them for their vote of confidence
and support. PS Don’t get behind in your actual duties or they will
have more cause to penalize you.

‘Fess Up or Not?

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a problem at the intersection of work and play that has the
potential to be embarrassing and cost me a job or promotion. I am
wildly torn between true confession and trying to bluff my way out of a
tricky situation. Here’s the scoop: I’m addicted to on-line games.
Nothing expensive like gambling, but interactive scrabble and chess. I
have 20 games going at a time. Mostly they are with friends but
occasionally I get assigned a “random” partner, some of whom have
been duds and some challenging.

 

One of the best randoms, it turns out, is my boss’s boss. The problem
is that we’ve both been playing during working hours. Not just a move
here or there during a break but pretty consistently throughout the day.
Now that very person has issued a memo saying too much game playing has
been happening and stating that anyone who has been playing during
working hours can confess and get an amnesty but people who do not come
forward or who are caught in the future are subject to disciplinary action.

‘Fess Up or Not?

 
Dear ‘Fess Up:

I’d give a quarter to know if the boss’s boss set you up or if the
invitation that connected you was truly random. And when I say you, it
is possible this was an entrapment campaign in the company designed
to identify all manner of malingerers, not just the scrabblers. Every
employee has a computer and/or a smart phone and it is almost
impossible to manager who is doing real work and who is playing
fantasy football or surfing the net shopping. So employers with
legitimate concerns have started to strike back.

 
I’d confess, and giving your own game name and the game address of
the boss’s boss, though without giving his real name. Take your
lumps, put your smart phone in your pocket and break your habit.
Take your lumps and get back to work. You won’t be alone and you’ll
get points for truth telling. Some day you can ask him to play off
hours. Don’t let him win.

Planning

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m in a strange position at work. My boss wanted to promote me to a
higher posting but I am tired of sixty-hour weeks and didn’t want to
sign up for eighty-hour ones. I agreed to apply for the posting so there
would be enough highly placed candidates. But negotiations broke
down with the first choice and now they want me to play the interim
role for a year while they start a new search. I had planned to take
three full months off as unpaid leave to do a walking tour in Italy with
my brother to our ancestral homelands. I know I will never be in
better negotiating position but I am also concerned that if they think I
will disappear for too long they may build replacing me into the long
term planning. Really what I want is a four-day workweek, good
colleagues, and no greater responsibility than I have now. More money
is fine too.

Planning

 
Dear Planning:

I agree that a year out is too soon to tell anyone about a three-month
sabbatical. The only folks in our culture who are deemed entitled to
that amount of time off are K-12 teachers. Typical employers have to
cope with losing people for major illnesses and National Guard call-
ups. But the idea of a voluntary time-out will likely scare the pants of a
highly driven, Type-A boss who expects sixty-hour weeks as baseline.

 

Tell the boss you are willing to do the interim job now for up to six-
nine months and want to participate in the search process. Be clear
about what you do want as your long-term position, and sign the
loyalty oath frequently while you do so. Say your goal is to help build
the right long-run team and to be part of it. But also say that you are
planning a major vacation next year and would like to come back to a
four-day workweek after the trip. Say you will commit yourself whole-
heartedly to recruiting, installing, and training the permanent
jobholder. But that in exchange for what you’re doing for her you
would like a temporary salary increase until that person is hired and in
place, and a written commitment to work with you afterwards on your
vacation and career planning.

 

If she presses for details explain this is a big (40 th /50 th ?) trip for family
reasons and is still in the planning stages. Right now she’ll probably agree
to almost anything reasonable as long as she gets her way. But be cautioned
that she can change her mind later and might not even be your new boss’s boss
when everything shakes out. Save some of the raise to fund your trip, or
your life after it in case things go a different direction later.

Desk Jockey

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I work as receptionist in a physical therapist’s office. My lousy day
started at 7:00 a.m. with a rude and arrogant new patient wanting me
to break office rules. These rules are more than just policy; they
involve laws to protect patient privacy. I was nice and explained that
was he was asking for was simply not possible. But he kept insisting
on special treatment, escalating his tone until he was outright nasty.
Fortunately he’s an exception. But still it was annoying and frustrating.
I am not a doctor but I know what’s possible and what’s not. How can
I keep control and authority?

Desk Jockey

 
Dear Desk Jockey:

When you are confronted with irrational behavior you need to change
the style of the dialogue. It’s hard not to give into the desire to mirror
the escalation. But here’s a better technique that fighting anger with
anger. Instead respond with politeness, even niceness. Talk more
softly and slowly. Control the pace and tone of the interaction. Don&'t
give in to the arrogance or the entitlement. Be helpful but not servile;
stay firm.

 
To help prevent the problem in the future, have office rules printed
and clearly posted. No matter how rude the patient, paste a plastic
smile on your face. Continue to play the dutiful helpful role that people
expect from a receptionist. Repeat what you need to say as often as
necessary, so it’s clear you are not going to change your answer
because of badgering. Also, to protect yourself, be very careful not to
mutter any descriptions of character or obscenities loud enough to be
heard when the person walks away. At the end of the day, tell your
practitioner boss so s/he can reaffirm the procedures directly to the
client. Every job involves knuckleheads and knuckleballs. If this is as
bad as it gets you are doing pretty well.

Dodgeball

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’ve been in my job for almost ten years. I’ve outlived two directors,
three comptrollers, two secretaries, and a host of interns, project
managers, and other technical types. But now I have a new boss who’s
from a different kettle of fish. She’s the type who really wants to
understand how everything is done, down to the micro-nano detail of
everything I do. She’s told me she wants to understand every job in
the organization so that she can figure out how to reorganize the
whole place, change procedures, and generally turn upside down what
has been a pretty well-ordered universe, at least for me. I know I
should cooperate with her, and to tell the truth she scares me a little.
How can I make sure I keep my job in the shakeup that even a blind
woman can see coming?

Dodgeball

 
Dear Dodgeball:

Nothing can truly protect you from a vindictive boss who has it in for
you and has the goal of firing you. But nothing in what you’ve said
leads me to believe that your name would be on anyone’s list to get
rid of. If you’ve truly survived so many other managers, you are
probably good at what you do as well as very good at surviving the
often treacherous and unpredictable vicissitudes of organizational
politics. In addition to longevity, you have a lot of corporate history
parked between your ears, all of which can help make you
indispensible to a boss who wants to do a good job for herself and
impress her own new bosses.

 
Tell your boss you’d like to meet to discuss how you can best help her.
When you get together, explain that you want to survive whatever
shakeup you and virtually everyone else believe is coming. Tell her
that you’ve lasted this long in the organization by being loyal to your
superiors and by doing an excellent job. Then offer to assist her in any
way you can. Tell her you can do anything and everything from
walking her through every cell of every spreadsheet to explaining the
history of all current programs and policies. Ask what work style works
best for her, and then endeavor to meet it. Be sure to be formal and
polite, not overly friendly. Don’t rat out colleagues with whatever
you’ve got in your files. But do continue to act supportive, helpful, and
loyal.

 

PS – It never hurts to keep your resume current because no
matter how loyal you may want to be, her agenda may simply not
match yours.

Need A Network

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I need to find a new job. And it needs to be in the state university
system where employees get tuition discounts for family. My son is
turning 18 and graduating this June. We thought he was going to take
a gap year, but he decided on school. I support his decision
emotionally and intellectually, but can’t afford it financially. I’m an
underpaid bilingual PhD in education, work in a local school district (on
a grant I wrote/won), plus volunteer in a peer-review education
network. How can I exploit my connections?

Need A Network

 
Dear Need A Network:

You’re already halfway there: you have a relevant network. You need
to exploit it in a way that turns people on, not off. The advice below,
btw, is true for anyone looking for any job, specifics notwithstanding.
Send emails to everyone in the network of folks who are in/work
with/might have connections with or at/or who are in a position to get
information about the colleges. The idea is to be your own Johnny
Appleseed: scatter your request as broadly as possible and ask the
recipients to do the same. It is important, btw, to send these requests
as individual emails, not a group mailing. Two reasons: People don’t
like being spammed; it discounts the level of their responsiveness.
Also, if there are too many recipients, you could easily be shunted to a
spam folder and your email may never be read.

 
The email should have structure/content similar to below:

Dear XXX:
[Para 1] I hope this email finds you well. [Para 2] I’m asking for your
networking to help me find a college position. As you probably know,
I’ve been working in the _______ schools. Now I want to work in the
university system. My goal is to [insert your pitch]. As a bilingual Ph.D
and successful grant writer I bring a depth of understanding and
experiences to the table. [Para3] My ideal position would be
________. I’d accept .5-1.0 FTE, doing any or all of: ___, ____,

_____, or _____. I’d greatly appreciate any leads or connections you
can share. Please send me any job postings or opportunities that come
across your radar, now and through summer. I’ve included my vita;
feel free to forward this email to others who might be hiring or have a
relevant network. [Para 4] Please contact me if you have any
suggestions, want additional information, or have time to brainstorm. I
deeply appreciate your support. Thanks in advance.

 

Most importantly before sending the email: Send a test copy to
yourself to catch any wierdnesses in font or formatting. Read it aloud
to catch bad syntax. Spellcheck your text and the spelling of
everyone’s name. Send thank you’s immediately to any respondents.
Repeat in six weeks if nothing happens.

Prefer My Privacy

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I work at a very gossipy company. I&'m a private person and don&'t want
my business known to my coworkers. I&'d appreciate words of wisdom
for avoiding the rumor mill without coming off as a B-atch.

Prefer My Privacy

 
Dear Prefer My Privacy:

People tend to isolate and bear a grudge (overt or subliminal) against
those who reject their social overtures. That’s probably as true in a
synagogue as in an office, but those who don’t seem social get a
reputation of not playing well with others. That may be fine for your
personal life, but recognize it could affect your professional life too.
People want to be able to share what they did on the weekend, their
hobbies and vacations, and their home lives, whether that’s kids or
remodeling. The common pool of non-work experiences serve as a
counterpoint to what they’re actually being paid to do, but also have
some team-building value. Also, any time there’s a wall, there’s an
almost reflexive desire to look over it. A lot depends on whether you
actually have something you want to hide from your colleagues. Also
on your moral elasticity about truth and lies.

 
I’m not a fan of closeting one’s life but I believe everyone has the right
to decide what’s public and what’s private. Once you know where that
boundary is, it would be convenient and helpful to have a stage set of
a life that you are willing to share. Rather than the global, and off-
putting, I don’t talk about my life, perhaps some simple PR bullets:
Because of my partner’s work I don’t talk about us. That may create
curiosity but gets you past some details. But you can say: I have a
dog/cat/goldfish. I love to quilt/play piano/read novels. I
jog/swim/play tennis. Or whatever your personal details are that are
innocuous enough to offer up. These give you activities to discuss
rather than people or places.

 

 

The most important rule: If you really want to fly below their radar
and don’t want to disclose, keep to that rule with everyone, no
exceptions. Whatever you tell one person will almost inevitably get
around, and the door will be opened to further inquiry. Like the old
proverb says, what two people know is no secret.

Getting Discouraged

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I&'m one of the long-term unemployed, one of those whose benefits has
run out. My problem is that after I was laid off, I went into a deep
depression and didn&'t look for work for over a year. I&'m trying to pick
myself up and get back to trying to find a job, but everywhere I go it&'s
rejection because I&'ve been unemployed so long. Any advice on how to
sell myself and land a job?

Getting Discouraged

 
Dear Discouraged:

Telling you that you’re not alone will be cold comfort and is almost
certainly not news. Even had you been looking for work during the first
year of the long-term part of your unemployment, the odds were
against you. So you’ve probably not hurt your chances for finding work
now. The economy is improving, albeit slowly, and you’re right on
schedule. Yes there is prejudice against the long-term unemployed.
You will need to work extra hard to overcome it. This is not only
doable but also necessary.

 
First thing: change is your resume. Declare yourself self-employed for
the period of unemployment and voila! you are, and have been, self-
employed. You can say you’ve been consultanting in whatever field
others have employed you. It’d help to drum up some friends or
relatives (with different last names) to serve as client references in
case you are asked. Also come up with some good war stories of your
time out in the cold being a “single shingle.” But as you apply for jobs,
stress that you prefer being part of a collaborative team environment.
Be ready to say how much you have missed contributing to a group
effort, and working within an organization.

 
Also, in the interim, do whatever you can to have a base of operations
that’s not your house. Volunteer at a local non-profit or intern in a for-
profit; but get yourself back among people who will be able to vouch
for your skills and productivity. Yes, you will be “giving your time away”
for a while, but that’s a fair trade to have current references
and the potential for new networking opportunities. Look for a position
that’s as close to what you did professionally as you can find. Stress
that your experience is a contribution, but that you want to find a real
job. Say your goal is to help set up systems that can be run by other
volunteers/interns later. Appear smart, useful, productive and
gracious. Maybe someone will make a job for you, or want to help you
succeed.

Ready to Help

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m a life coach with a very specific niche audience. The people who
would use my services would not want others in their community or
social circles to know they‘re consulting me. It’s all very confidential
and perfect for the internet, Skype, and long-distance counseling. But
people have to find me know to learn about me. How can I get myself
out there more? There are plenty of places to advertise but everything
costs money I do not have. I like the idea of a national market, but
how do I reach it?

Ready to Help

 
Dear Ready to Help:

There’s no expert like someone with the right background, experience,
training, intelligence, instincts, curiosity, creativity, and ability to
relate to people. There’s also nothing that says you cannot become a
self-declared expert. In the life coach market there’s everything from
licensed professionals to self-appointed superheroes (like Jewish Fairy
Godmothers) for which there’s clearly no supervisory or certification
board. Your credibility will come not so much from either credentials or
advertising but from the effectiveness of the services you offer. The
best help you can give yourself is not to buy ad space but to have
others talk about you because of the good work you do or the good
advice you offer. You’re selling benefits, not just counseling.

 
“Confidential” works against you because many people are reluctant to
tell their friends and family that they’ve consulted someone for help,
so word of mouth doesn’t spread very far. People like to feel self-
reliant, and to have their personal problems kept very quiet. But
“niche” gives you a very specific focus that limits the places to try and
reach your target clientele. Research the community. Identify
magazines and websites and other forms of social networking. Write
articles or a column. Try to get speaking gigs. Volunteer to run a free
workshop. Once you get a few clients you will now more about what
they want and that will help guide you. And you’ll know where to place
the most effective ad.

Ex-HR Director

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I recently left a job I&'d held for almost 20 years. Virtually everyone
who works there is someone I recruited and hired. I know and like
almost all of them. But it seems that without my presence human
relations and communications are falling apart. I&'m getting calls
weekly from various contenders in departmental dramas, all of whom
seem to think I can still fix everything. How can I maintain friendly
contact but not get sucked back into the reasons I left?

Ex-HR Director

 
Dear Ex-HR:

You have a responsibility to your former employer and to your ongoing
friends to be honest with them. To virtually everyone who calls with
tales of woe you need to say the same thing: I empathize. I
understand these are difficult personalities and issues, and that the
solutions seem as impossible and intractable as they did when I
worked there. But you need to talk directly to So-and- so. If necessary,
you need to call on [name of your replacement] to help.

 

You’re a well-established habit and, as we all know, habits are hard to
break. The problem is that if they continue to rely on you, either to
make helpful suggestions or to vent, that they will not be able to
develop new functional patterns within the firm. Complaining, whining,
and arguing all have their place as tension release in organizations.
But they’re also a way to perpetuate problems rather than resolve
them. Unless you bear ill will towards any of the people involved, or
the organization itself, you need to lay low and butt out. If absolutely
necessary send an email to each of the dialers that says I miss you all
but not the drama. I’m happy to talk about everything from the
weather to your love life to your kid’s latest achievement. But for the
next six months I am taking a moratorium on everything that’s about
the substance of work. You might create some distance in friendships,
but that’s a necessary part of the transition if they persist.

Ready

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m going through a major life transition. I want to change my job (I
know, bad timing!), my health is tattered and my life seems not just
banal but permanently stuck. I don’t what direction to turn or how to
move. Can you give me some advice to start off the year that’ll do more
good than just joining a gym and losing twenty pounds? I need a
bigger makeover!

Ready

 
Dear Ready:

I’m empathetic. In a couple days I’m going to have back surgery and
as I’ve watched my world contract because of pain and medication I’ve
become much more compassionate about what it means to not be able
to do what I want. Readiness is a critical variable.
I’m going to answer you this week and next with 10 commandments
for starting the year off right. Hang in there with me. I’m going to
start with the outer world and end at the inner. They’ve both got to be
ready and work in synch to make the kind of change you’re talking
about.

The holidays were last month. A few actual weeks of M-F, 9-5 and
reality is sinking in: the fun is over and they actually expect you to
work for your paycheck. No more parties, less schmoozing, no juicy
bonus fantasies to keep you smiling. It&'s back to the grind. Work,
work, work. Accountability. Yikes.

 

And if that weren&'t enough, those pesky, familiar, resolutions that
sounded so promising a few weeks ago are like one more should
sitting heavy in your gut. So how can you use January to turn them
into reality? How can you make 2006 a happy and successful time?
Start here:

 

Commandment # 1. Clean your desk.

It may sound simple but it will force you to get a handle on where
you&'ve been lately. Fruitcake stupor or too much shopping, December
takes its toll. Rather than feeling like you&'ve been dumped onto
concrete, take some control of your re-entry. Buried under the seasons
greetings and the cookie crumbs are important things you need to
remember, things you once thought you wanted to do, things that
other people expect you to do. Get yourself off to a rolling start. Clean
through email, assemble files, make stacks, and make lists. Get out
your calendar and set priorities for the next few weeks, even if they
seem routine. Once you’re back in the saddle, you&'ll already start to
feel better and have some energy.

 

Commandment # 2. Update your resume.

Think about how other people will see you as you look for a new job:
your resume is the two-dimensional window they look through. It&'s a
reminder of what you’ve done in your current job, what you&'re good at
that you, your current and any prospective new employer should
value. Update your accomplishments, list new skills and current
references who&'ll sing your praises. Your updated resume will boost
your confidence for the here and now as well as for the future
possible. It&'ll help you be ready to apply for internal promotions as well
as identify areas in which you should seek additional experience or
training.

 

Commandment # 3. Do a reality check of your career.

Survey your work life. Be honest and realistic. See what&'s fulfilling and
what&'s lacking. Make two lists: on the left side of the page write
everything you like about your current situation; on the right side
identify what you want different by next December. Step two: see
where your commitment and motivation intersect. On the right list,
highlight the words that are most important to accomplish. On the left
list, circle what you’d be willing to sacrifice some of in order to make
those changes happen. You don&'t need to start on all of them
tomorrow. But getting your brain wrapped around the trade-offs will
help make them real. Open your mind first; your body will follow.

 

Commandment # 4. Set some specific goals.

Your goals may be around those pesky 20 pounds and a new job.
Don’t be shy. Name them and plant them in the center of your psychic
bulls-eye. Believing you&'re worth the upgrade is the first step to
achieving it. Visualize yourself in the new situation. Imagine yourself
vibrant and strong. Then start every day with a mantra. Repeat
several times to yourself: I deserve to [your personal goals here].
[Note: it helps do to this quietly so people don&'t think you’re a
muttering loon, but it really does help to say them out loud. It&'s been
documented that speaking the words has an actual impact on the
value you give them and the motivation they give you.] Action follows
intention. Decide where you want to go and you&'ll start taking steps to
get there.