Deja You:
25 Things You Should Have Learned Yesterday
and Should Practice Tomorrow
(and every day after…)

How many times have you muttered to yourself, Wish I’d known that
before?!!! The fact of the matter is this: if you take the
time now to harvest some important lessons, not just from last year
but from your whole working life, you can make this year and the next
ones much happier and more fulfilling. And yourself more successful in
the process.

 
Let’s get clear. The list could be much longer. But 25 is a great
number. This list is not ranked by importance, so don’t lose track of
either end of the list. If you want to be happy and successful you’ll
have to get better at multi-tasking all these diverse things.

 
1. Think strategically: No matter your age, think about your work
life as a story arc: starting out, getting experience, earning more,
having more authority, mentoring, eventual retirement. As you
progress along this paradigm, ask how each action serves your
higher goals.

 
2. Treat other people well: There’s no profession that doesn’t
involve others, whether you’re a doctor or a bus driver. The nicer
you are, the nicer you’ll feel. The kinder you are, the more others
will help you succeed. The more good-will you generate, the quicker
your working hours will go.

 
3. Do a + and – list annually: If you wake up dreading going to work
you probably already know the minuses outnumber the pluses. But
do a checklist of where your working world ranks on a scale of 1-
10. Think about everything from salary to commute time, chances
for learning and advancement to whether you love or loathe your
colleagues. Do this every year within a month of your birthday or
hire date.

 
4. Review your resume annually: It’s easy to forget how good you
are or that you might need to prove it to someone new later. Ditto
that you might be stuck and not changing in your current job. Keep
your resume up to date with newly acquired skill sets and
accomplishments. If you’re ever unemployed you’d need to update
it for real. This’ll give you perspective and a big leg up.

 
5. Keep your options open. Even if you like your job, keep your
eyes and ears open. Listen to how other people talk about their
days, their duties, and their bosses. Pay attention to what they say
about advancement and openings. Look at WW, the Sunday
classifieds, or job boards to see what’s out there, and to learn what
people will pay for what you do.

 
6. If you’re not happy, look around. Do everything above and
follow up with a resume. Be sure to say your search is confidential
in your cover letter. Whether or not your phone rings or email
chimes will help you litmus test your value and options, as well as
how you represent your experience.

 
7. Have private email. Best would be if to avoid anything except
work while at work. No forwarding cat videos or pictures of your
friends or weekends. Work time is for work. And be extra very
especially absolutely certain not to use your employer’s server to
look for another job. Nothing you do on their email is confidential.
8. Don’t gossip. None of us is immune to the lure of gossip. We all
enjoy the secret thrill of watching others go down in flames or be
exposed as adulterers or failures. But whatever you say about
others will fuel the flames when you commit some gross negligence
you cannot conceal. It happens to everyone. Be kind, and hope
others return the favor.

 
9. Don’t schtupp at work Don’t have affairs with bosses, colleagues,
or subordinates. Temptations may feel strong but NO reason is
good enough if you want to keep your job. ‘Nuff said.

 
10. Be careful what you post on social networking. Prospective
employers often google applicants. Unless you want them to see
you drunk and topless screaming Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!! in your
Pirate’s Day costume, keep those pics among you and your closest
friends. If you’ve been stupid in the past, scrub your image before
you ask someone new to pay you to be their new face.

 
11. Befriend all gatekeepers. Being able to get into the folks you
want to see can make or break you. In many organizations these
folks also monitor their bosses voice and email. If you want your
messages to get through be nice. Nothing smarmy but know their
names and make sure they like you.

 
12. Find good mentors. No one is successful on their own. Identify
folks higher on the food chain (one or two rungs) who seem
successful and to share your values. Meet with them to ask for
their help moving up. It may cost you some time helping on a pet
project, or a couple of beers, but could also pay off.

 
13. Don’t be a suck-up. Trust me, you’re a lot more transparent
than you think. No one likes a false flatterer, even the person
whose butt you are kissing. It’ll show and cost you more than
whatever benefits you hope to receive.

 
14. Be helpful. This doesn’t contradict the last one. You should be
available to lend a hand to help anyone out of a jam, friendly, and
courteous. Think Boy Scout instead of scam artist. You’ll need
folks to like you in order to succeed, and it’s hard to know what
you’ll need from whom when.

 
15. Don’t $&#% up!! No one is perfect but you can make
sure your work is spell-checked, proofed, cross-balanced, tallies,
and has the right dates, footers, phone numbers, footnotes, etc
whatever your field is. No one succeeds on their own. Having a
buddy to help with deadlines is important. Good people working
together make each other look better and your 8-5 more
tolerable.

 
16. Negotiate early and often. The best time to get a raise is before
you walk in the door. Once you have an offer, ask if there’s any
more they can give as base pay, or if you can be assured of a
raise after your probationary review. Yes it’s scary, but they’ve
just selected you. Cross your fingers, smile, and ask.

 
17. Keep asking questions. The more you know the better you’ll be
able to navigate office politics, stay ahead of possible lay-offs, or
get to the front of the line for upcoming promotions. Don’t act like
a spy, but an interested, gung-ho team player.

 
18. Learn new skills. Doing the same old same old too often will
make you dull. Be inquisitive about who’s doing what, and where
there’s room for you to do something new, learn a new technique,
or otherwise expand your skill set. You’ll look better to your
bosses and to future employers.

 
19. Casual doesn’t mean stained. Take a weekend to inventory
your work wardrobe. If things are spotted or ill-fitting, toss them
and buy something new (or used but clean). Even if you repeat
wearing the same clothes, you’ll look better than looking like you
don’t care about the impression you give others. Remember, no
matter your job description, you’re always selling yourself.

 
20. Make sure people see your extra effort. No one likes a
braggart. But if you go the extra distance and put in the extra
time, make sure the right folks know it. Send an important email
after hours; volunteer for the crunch deadline; become the person
people know they can rely on for that extra time and input. It’ll
pay off later.

 
21. Use charm and chutzpah. People like being around people who
make them feel good. Don’t become known as the class clown,
but be the one who people smile at sincerely when you walk into a
meeting. Be brave enough to tell the truth when it is called for,
and nice enough in how you deliver it.

 
22. Stay healthy. That’s everything from avoiding junk food in
vending machines to walking at lunch time. Take stairs instead of
elevators and short breaks regularly to drink water. Even if that
means walking in the rain or around the lobby of a building, get
your brain the oxygen it needs to keep your grey matter moving.

 

23. Don’t be a 2/47 slave. It’s fine to keep your smart phone
handy. But employers are hard to retrain. If they think you’ll
answer nights and weekends they will come to expect it. Make
sure you get regular detoxifying breaks from work. Everyone
needs time to get refreshed even if it’s a stay-cation of yard work
and movies. All work and no play will make you dull as an old
kitchen knife, and just as useful.

 
24. Choose to be happy. Even a bad job pays the rent. If you aren’t
wealthy and cannot afford to wait for your dream job, take
whatever’s closest to it. Look for the best you can in your current
circumstances, even if you need to give yourself a pep talk every
morning. Set goals about how to optimize your reality.

 
25. Make your own good luck. Just like the essential truth about
losing weight always comes down to eating less and moving more,
the essential truth about work is that you’re the person who has
to look out for yourself. That means knowing when to stay and
when to look for something better, when to ask for a raise and
when to wait, and choosing whom to trust.

 

 

These commandments are designed to help you jumpstart a good look
at your working world. Read them a couple of times and think about
which ones you think you need to act on. Ultimately, the most
important thing you can do is to ask yourself regularly Can I do better?
If the answer’s yes, then start doing.

 

When Your Boss is One Tough ***

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for

Learning Through Adversity

 

Everyone’s had a least one: the kind of nightmare boss that makes the sadistic drill instructor in some war movie seem like a kindly old grandmother. The kind of S** or B**** that makes you want to flee to the nearest corner bar and tank up, and then go home and vent for several hours.

 

Good news: you’re not alone. Even better news: Like cod liver oil or public speaking, this is an experience that’s not only good for you but going to improve you in ways you would never predict. Not saying it’s going to be fun and games along the way. Almost for sure guaranteeing that it won’t be. But the commandments below will help you minimize the pain and optimize the experience.

 

Commandment Number1: Sign up or get out.

You know the movie where they lead the convicted guy out of the courtroom in handcuffs, and he has this bleak look of imminent terror in his eyes as he shuffles to his doom? Handy tip: never look like that when you come into the office. If you really cannot imagine yourself working for this person another minute longer than you have to, work on your resume and devote every waking minute you can to getting a different job. But while you’re still there, follow the rest of the commandments.

 

Commandment Number 2: Take the loyalty oath.

You don’t have to love your *** Boss, but you have to accept his/her authority and leadership.  Nothing’s harder to deal with in a workplace than divided loyalties. While you’re in the job, you need to be on the team. Not half-heartedly, but with conviction and purpose. You need to be willing to make your boss look good, and make yourself look good in the process. Don’t go blabbing about his/her foibles and don’t do anything to undercut the success of your working group. As long as you are part of this team you are going to have to wear its colors. You can send out as many resumes as you want on your own time, but 8-5 M-F you are a devoted member of Team Tough.

 

Commandment Number 3: Cultivate respect.

Unless you work for an organization riddled with corruption or stupidity, there’s reasons (whether they be good, bad, silly, incomprehensible, nepotism, blackmail, or something like perceived merit, but very real) why your boss is your boss. S/he got promoted for achievement or potential that someone yet higher on the food chain than you are counting on to make the company money and/or do good deeds. Figure out what traits make your boss valuable in the eyes of the bossier bosses, and decide to appreciate them, perhaps even mimic them. Show your respect in how you speak and how you act, both directly to your boss and when you speak about him/her to others in the organization.

 

Commandment Number 4: Work hard, very hard.

A hard boss can be a good boss. A hard boss can also provide you an opportunity to show what an excellent employee you are. Anyone can skate under a lax or uncaring supervisor. But to shine under a tough boss will earn you the approval and respect of anyone who notices. And I can assure you that people do. Anyone in the working group will know what you’re facing and anyone outside it will be thanking their stars every day that they aren’t in the same boat. You may not know that folks in Human Resources watch this sort of thing, but they do Every organization has its own character and if you can demonstrate yours it will be to your great credit.

 

Commandment Number 5: Ask your boss to mentor you.

Take your finger out of your throat. Flattery is a wonderful lubricant. Make it work for you. There’s nothing more disarming than a person suggesting that you are a good role model or worth learning from. You may want to give your tongue a good cleansing scrape later, but if you can say something like the following to your boss, you may shift the dynamic from something bad to something better, or even to something good: “I know you’re a tough boss, but I want you to help make me the best employee I can become.” Then, no matter what the requirements, do your best to meet them.

 

Commandment Number 6: Learn, learn, learn.

No matter how tough your boss is, s/he has something to teach you. What got your boss the job that tells you what to do? Is it smarts, effort, persistence, or wily politics? Study your boss’s habits and see what you can learn about what your company values. Ask questions about how and why certain things are done as they are. Become a student of success and you will attract attention and kudos, perhaps from people even more important than your immediate supervisor. Remember, your goal is to get a promotion out of your current situation, so keep your eyes and ears open for chances to learn and to shine.

 

Commandment Number 6: Set goals and make them happen.

Nothing distracts from pain better than goal orientation and rewards for meeting them. You can use the goals your boss/mentor sets and/or set them for yourself. But be sure they are documented both before and after you meet them. When you have a review or evaluation, ask what would make you more of a success. Set standards and timelines, and identify short and long run rewards for yourself. When you’ve proven that you’re as good as your word, set an external goal and communicate it to your boss. As in, If I accomplish x, y, z could that merit me a raise? It raises the ante but will keep you focused.

 

Commandment Number 8: Keep your big mouth shut.

Like side-seat driving and Monday-morning quarterbacking, complaining about a tough boss is one of our favorite pastimes. It’s a way to vent the annoyance and frustration that builds up from feeling like you have no voice and that someone else has extraordinary and inappropriate power over you. You may desperately want to tell the tale of the latest abuse you’ve endured, in part to distress and in part for the need for raw sympathy. But remember that every story you tell has a life of its own, in the retelling by the listener who may not have your career goals in the center of their competitive bulls-eye. What your boss hears you have said may not be the truth and could come back to bite you somewhere tender.

 

Commandment Number 9: Network with your peers.

This may seem like a contradiction to Commandment number 8 but it is not. The truth is that on any given day any boss is a tough boss or a bad boss or an annoying boss. We all need to let off steam and we all need to know that everyone faces the same dilemmas. The trick is to be able to complain about the circumstances without personalizing it to the boss. If you can learn to do that you’ll be able to connect with others who are now lateral to you who might: get a promotion sooner and hire you away, be a better fit and want to swap places (note, also risky), or who might have networks in places they cannot move to but might be good for you.

 

Commandment Number 10: Take mental health breaks.

Most jobs have requisite break times for staff.  But I’m talking about actual unplugging from the 24/7 culture cultivated by tough bosses that assumes the boss has a higher place in our lives that family, health, or even God. Make sure you get downtime on weekends and on actual vacations. Even if it is a complete lie, say you’re going to be backpacking, sailing, or otherwise out of cell range. Make sure you have all your chores done before you leave the office and keep your files well documented. Because if something completely explodes when you do not answer you will certainly get the blame. But if you can keep things wired tight you should be able to unwire yourself enough to come in Mondays feeling optimistic and challenged, instead of angry and resentful.

 

One final note: It really is okay to have a beer, and to vent, and to find non-lethal ways of stress reduction. But remember never ever to let any of your frustration leak into your office. Everything you say will live on in someone’s memory and you do not want to become the target of an angry boss who can send you packing.

 

Look on this period the way you would boot camp. It’s a chance to develop some muscles that will serve you well when you land in easier places, and help you shine among colleagues who haven’t had the chance to learn climbing up these same tough hills. You may not believe it now, but some day you may even thank your tough boss for the chance to toughen up yourself.

 

 

 

Where’s Your Edge?

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s Prescription for

Leaping into Your Next Challenge

 

The alarm goes off. You brush your teeth, brew some caffeine and head in. What day is it? Monday-ugh; Tuesday-yawn; Wednesday-halfway (hooray!); Thursday-hang in there; Friday-TGIF!!!

 

What’s the problem? You know the drill. You know your job. You can script every day of the week, not down to the labels on the lost files but pretty close. You’re okay: secure, entrenched, safe, and yikes, can you say it out loud, totally bored,. You don’t want to die in this job but how’re you going to find the energy to prepare yourself for what happens next? Where did your energy and ambition go? Where’s your edge?

 

It’s a not uncommon lament. We’re all looking for that scent of danger, the utter vitality than comes from feeling completely alive. Not that we walk around wanting to face off lions or tigers; usually bosses are scary enough. We don’t really want to know first-hand if a parachute will open; giving a presentation is enough of a life-threatening thrill. But often we crave, secretly or not, the intensity and zeal that comes when we’re fully focused. And we tend to be most focused when we take risks, when we’re willing to leave the safety of a predictable week and test ourselves, see how we do in a new and different world.

 

So what’s it take to get ready? What do you have to do? Not just updating your resume and searching the help wanteds. What do you have to do on the inside? How do you leave behind the emotional baggage that’s weighting you down?

 

One way to face risk is to leave a safe distance between you and the edge. Look for an internal promotion. Be sure you have a secure financial safety margin. But what happens if you push the envelope a little? If you take the essentially risk-averse parts of your nature, the ones that usually run the show, and muzzle them for a while? If you allow yourself a flight of fantasy, visions of what you think you’d create, would become, would be if only.

 

The key is the ‘if only.’

 

Because if all you do is dream and then tuck those disruptive little thoughts away, or smile indulgently and then go back to your desk, sit back in the familiar chair of your predictable life, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.

 

That’s not to say that today is the day to quit your job and start a dot-com (or even to proclaim your adoration to the secret crush in an adjoining cubicle). But it might be the day to remember how to dream. To leave some space for an edge to appear, and then not to run from it.

 

Most of us have been trained to be parakeets. Too few were encouraged to become eagles. No one ever said: You can learn to fly. The ‘If only’s’ are the doubts that weight your wings, the words that keep you on the ground, safe in your cage. Take some time to think about what it means to fly. Because that’s what an edge is really all about. It’s what happens when you go over the side and trust that your wings will carry you.

 

How can you encourage yourself to take risks? And how can you figure out which risks to take?

 

The answer: start talking to yourself more and trusting the answers you come up with. In you is a great sense of understanding of what you really want, what makes you happy, what you’re willing to work and strive for, what you simply no longer are willing to put up with, and what you’re willing to sacrifice to reach some goal.

 

If you can learn to listen you will let yourself over the edge more often. You will probably make some ‘mistakes,’ but they won’t harm you more than you can bear. Though you may end up with a few tattered feathers, you’ll also learn something powerful. If you do it often enough, with a proper sense of joy and exploration, with fewer ‘if only’s’ weighting your wings, flying will begin to feel as effortless as swinging out of bed on a workday morning.

 

Risks don’t have to be big to give you the benefits you aspire to. You don’t have to throw yourself over a steep edge to feel the rush of pure air. You just have to want to take them badly enough to banish doubt from your mind.

 

Go for your dream, whatever it is. And if you aren’t sure, clear some space in your life for it to show up. When it does, fly with it.

 

 

 

Finding Your Wings

1. Commit half an hour completely to yourself. You can do this at home, (though turn off all phones), or in a library or a park. The key is insulating yourself from all distractions.

2. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line down the page. At the top of the left column, write Topic, and above the other one write Failure/Worst.

3. Write the following words in the left-hand column: Job; Salary; Job Search; Interview; Promotion; Boss; Colleague; Project; Learning Experience; Challenge. Feel free to adapt or add others.

4. You may come up with answers while you are writing the list. Jot down whatever comes to mind. This is a Working World  Rorschach test. Grab what’s in your forebrain first, so you remember it, and then peel it back and see what’s below. Most important: be honest.

5. Go through the list the way you would a crossword puzzle. Ideas and memories will trigger more ideas and memories. Your goal is emptying out all the fears, fixed ideas, and blocks you have about your work history. It may take you a while to put something in every category, but persist until you feel empty.

6. Take a week off from this project. Then go back and do the same thing, but label the right-hand column Success/Best. Repeat the previous steps till you’ve got the good things identified. Then reread both lists. What you’ll find out is:

Your failures, embarrassing moments scary times, will feel less bad to you. They are history. You’ve learned from them. You can move on. Burn the first list.

Your successes will give you strength and courage. Look at what you’ve already done! Read that list every day for a week. Keep it on your desk and add anything good that you remember or do.

7. Take a new sheet of paper and describe the next job you want. Be explicit. List everything from work hours to pay, title, responsibilities, whatever you feel you can imagine now and anything good you think of while you search.

8. Tape the list to your bathroom mirror and read it every time you brush your teeth.

9. Every time you send out a resume or go to an interview, remind yourself you’re the best person they could hire.

10. Repeat as needed until you believe #9 or reach your goal.