Go, Team, Go!

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for Team Building through Meetings

 

Most people hate meetings. Everyone with too much real work to do that is. So how can you use the time when your crew is gathered to solve problems, create and enhance a sense of group identity, and make your meeting time more productive? Regardless of the specific focus, every agenda should have the same flow and subtext: Goals, Deliverables, Ideas, Resources, Constraints, Solutions. Focus the attendees’ time and energy using these 10 commandments:

 

Commandment Number 1: Understand your authority.

Are you in charge because someone appointed you, because you’re the supervisor, because of seniority, relevant experience, academic degree, job title, the boss’s favor, because you asked for it or got stuck with it? Why should these people follow your lead? What’s in it for them? Your twin challenges are to earn their respect and solve a problem for the organization. If there’s a sense of rivalry (a spoken or subliminal version of, if s/he fails I can show how much better I could do) you’ll need to transmute that energy into something less volatile and more productive.

 

Commandment Number 2: Create a team identity.

A shared sense of mission binds people to a common cause. Sometimes it’s pride in being thought of as the best (think Marine Corps ads). Sometimes it’s based on a prize (goal: we get a bonus for accomplishing X). In the best of worlds it’s based on a mutual sense of being able to produce or accomplish something (be it an ad campaign, fixing the broken scheduling system, or any other institutional challenge) because folks really like doing their jobs. Your task is to get people to see the goal as worth more than their individual egos. They should become proud to work together.

 

Commandment Number 3: Identify the short- and long-run goals.

Everyone should know why they’re in the room. Clarify up-front the timelines, the problems you need to solve, the products you need to create, and the process you’ll use to do it. Set a context for why you’re taking everyone’s time away from what they’d rather be doing, whether that’s actual work, or surfing the internet and making personal calls on company time. Keep a list of deliverables and deadlines posted prominently. Make sure you have time at each meeting for identifying problems, suggesting possible solutions, and building consensus around what to do next.

 

Commandment Number 4: Get everyone involved.

Trust the way leadership works. Think democracy, not dictatorship. By the time you leave the room, you want everyone invested in the outcome. To get there, they’ve got to be part of the process. Give them all a chance to talk. If you’re staring at sullen silence and folded arms, something’s very wrong. When hands are waving and folks are so excited they interrupt one another to talk, a meeting’s really cooking. Harvest every scrap of an idea on a whiteboard or big sheets of paper. Keep them legibly and visibly in everyone’s field of vision. Help every person in the room feel like a smart contributor. Give appreciation for their input, even if you think it’s stupid or off the mark.

 

Commandment Number 5: Balance control and independence.

You want abundant creativity, without wasting too much energy on schemes that are fiscally or politically out of orbit. But don’t squelch any ideas too soon. Something that first sounds impossible could convert into a creative solution later. Practice asking: “What’s good about that insight, and what’s not? How do we fix the not and keep the good?” As you identify problems, go back to the team for solutions. For any “it” that’s particularly tough, keep asking: “How can we fix that?” Early in the discussion, keep all the ideas flowing. With luck the team will identify solutions during the meeting. If not, there’s homework ahead.

 

Commandment Number 6: Mind the clock.

Announce the duration of each meeting and a limit for each speaker’s input. You can operate via recognition by a moderator, an open-mike free-for-all, or passing a baton, coffee mug, or silly hat. But you should appoint a clock monitor to cut off self-appointed geniuses and long-winded drones. First get all whining out of the way: what’s wrong, why we’re stuck, what’ll never change, blah blah blah. Then invite suggestions of alternative solutions. This is the part of a meeting that gives brain-storming its name. Try to identify the universe of possibilities, anything they’d like to see as part of the final answer. Save enough time to evaluate options and agree on what happens next.

 

Commandment Number 7: Use carrots and sticks as needed

You’re bound to have a mix of recalcitrant donkeys and over-eager beavers, each uniquely problematic. Promises of rewards or future success are good inducements to participate. Praise and recognition go a long way too, as do one-on-one meetings with each participant in which you say (even if you need to wash your mouth out later) “We’re sure lucky you’re on our team.” But you’ll have to make them personal, in case folks compare notes about your pep talks. Be sure to diffuse troublemakers early. They may hate meetings, or simply not like you. But quickly let them quickly know the downsides of impeding the group’s progress.

 

Commandment Number 8: A little nosh never hurts.

Food has an intrinsic appeal and helps draw folks into the room. The endorphins that a little sugar and fat produce, the insights that caffeine will stimulate, and the general sense of goodwill that an eating break engenders can all be your allies. You don’t want your meetings to degenerate to a coffee klatch. But it’s better to have folks feeling sated and comfortable than waiting like nervous recruits for the drill sergeant to bark at them before breakfast. Create an atmosphere of collegiality and see how your team responds.

 

Commandment Number 9: Assign homework as you need to.

Create task teams to pursue different alternatives. Acknowledge the costs and benefits of proposed solutions. Assign the biggest whiners to help resolve pet peeves (though only one per working group or you risk mutiny). Be clear about the specific mission of each subgroup, and how much time they should spend. Have each team email the whole committee 48 hours before the next group meeting, and detail their progress. Their homework should explain the problem they were assigned to examine, summarize the steps they took to resolve it, identify their preferred solution, and the advantages and constraints of their recommendations. This all feeds the next agenda. Note: It helps if people read these emails before they walk into the room.

 

Commandment Number 10: Create consensus.

Your goal is to get everyone to buy into a final solution. They should leave every meeting with a how-can-we-do-it attitude (emphasis on the we), and with enough momentum to get them to do whatever it is you’ve agreed upon. Some philosophers say, whatever the boss says goes. Others believe that if even one person disagrees, the group should not proceed. Opt for a more moderate mandate, a blend of common sense and necessity that’s likely to generate respect and energy, and that passes the red face test (you’re able to announce your recommendations without blushing). Get every attendee to agree, before they leave the room, that they’ll work towards the proposed solution, even if it’s not perfect, because it offers a better future than their current reality.

 

Be sure you to take a minute to summarize how the time was spent, giving credit to folks for their enthusiasm, contributions, willingness to do more, or other aspects of participation. Like an series of inoculations, it may take several rounds to be successful. But if you can get your crew in harness, used to the meeting process, and genuinely aimed in the right direction, you’ll find that both your authority and your team’s productivity will bring many new future rewards. Plus you get coffee and a bagel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Your Boss is One Tough ***

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for

Learning Through Adversity

 

Everyone’s had a least one: the kind of nightmare boss that makes the sadistic drill instructor in some war movie seem like a kindly old grandmother. The kind of S** or B**** that makes you want to flee to the nearest corner bar and tank up, and then go home and vent for several hours.

 

Good news: you’re not alone. Even better news: Like cod liver oil or public speaking, this is an experience that’s not only good for you but going to improve you in ways you would never predict. Not saying it’s going to be fun and games along the way. Almost for sure guaranteeing that it won’t be. But the commandments below will help you minimize the pain and optimize the experience.

 

Commandment Number1: Sign up or get out.

You know the movie where they lead the convicted guy out of the courtroom in handcuffs, and he has this bleak look of imminent terror in his eyes as he shuffles to his doom? Handy tip: never look like that when you come into the office. If you really cannot imagine yourself working for this person another minute longer than you have to, work on your resume and devote every waking minute you can to getting a different job. But while you’re still there, follow the rest of the commandments.

 

Commandment Number 2: Take the loyalty oath.

You don’t have to love your *** Boss, but you have to accept his/her authority and leadership.  Nothing’s harder to deal with in a workplace than divided loyalties. While you’re in the job, you need to be on the team. Not half-heartedly, but with conviction and purpose. You need to be willing to make your boss look good, and make yourself look good in the process. Don’t go blabbing about his/her foibles and don’t do anything to undercut the success of your working group. As long as you are part of this team you are going to have to wear its colors. You can send out as many resumes as you want on your own time, but 8-5 M-F you are a devoted member of Team Tough.

 

Commandment Number 3: Cultivate respect.

Unless you work for an organization riddled with corruption or stupidity, there’s reasons (whether they be good, bad, silly, incomprehensible, nepotism, blackmail, or something like perceived merit, but very real) why your boss is your boss. S/he got promoted for achievement or potential that someone yet higher on the food chain than you are counting on to make the company money and/or do good deeds. Figure out what traits make your boss valuable in the eyes of the bossier bosses, and decide to appreciate them, perhaps even mimic them. Show your respect in how you speak and how you act, both directly to your boss and when you speak about him/her to others in the organization.

 

Commandment Number 4: Work hard, very hard.

A hard boss can be a good boss. A hard boss can also provide you an opportunity to show what an excellent employee you are. Anyone can skate under a lax or uncaring supervisor. But to shine under a tough boss will earn you the approval and respect of anyone who notices. And I can assure you that people do. Anyone in the working group will know what you’re facing and anyone outside it will be thanking their stars every day that they aren’t in the same boat. You may not know that folks in Human Resources watch this sort of thing, but they do Every organization has its own character and if you can demonstrate yours it will be to your great credit.

 

Commandment Number 5: Ask your boss to mentor you.

Take your finger out of your throat. Flattery is a wonderful lubricant. Make it work for you. There’s nothing more disarming than a person suggesting that you are a good role model or worth learning from. You may want to give your tongue a good cleansing scrape later, but if you can say something like the following to your boss, you may shift the dynamic from something bad to something better, or even to something good: “I know you’re a tough boss, but I want you to help make me the best employee I can become.” Then, no matter what the requirements, do your best to meet them.

 

Commandment Number 6: Learn, learn, learn.

No matter how tough your boss is, s/he has something to teach you. What got your boss the job that tells you what to do? Is it smarts, effort, persistence, or wily politics? Study your boss’s habits and see what you can learn about what your company values. Ask questions about how and why certain things are done as they are. Become a student of success and you will attract attention and kudos, perhaps from people even more important than your immediate supervisor. Remember, your goal is to get a promotion out of your current situation, so keep your eyes and ears open for chances to learn and to shine.

 

Commandment Number 6: Set goals and make them happen.

Nothing distracts from pain better than goal orientation and rewards for meeting them. You can use the goals your boss/mentor sets and/or set them for yourself. But be sure they are documented both before and after you meet them. When you have a review or evaluation, ask what would make you more of a success. Set standards and timelines, and identify short and long run rewards for yourself. When you’ve proven that you’re as good as your word, set an external goal and communicate it to your boss. As in, If I accomplish x, y, z could that merit me a raise? It raises the ante but will keep you focused.

 

Commandment Number 8: Keep your big mouth shut.

Like side-seat driving and Monday-morning quarterbacking, complaining about a tough boss is one of our favorite pastimes. It’s a way to vent the annoyance and frustration that builds up from feeling like you have no voice and that someone else has extraordinary and inappropriate power over you. You may desperately want to tell the tale of the latest abuse you’ve endured, in part to distress and in part for the need for raw sympathy. But remember that every story you tell has a life of its own, in the retelling by the listener who may not have your career goals in the center of their competitive bulls-eye. What your boss hears you have said may not be the truth and could come back to bite you somewhere tender.

 

Commandment Number 9: Network with your peers.

This may seem like a contradiction to Commandment number 8 but it is not. The truth is that on any given day any boss is a tough boss or a bad boss or an annoying boss. We all need to let off steam and we all need to know that everyone faces the same dilemmas. The trick is to be able to complain about the circumstances without personalizing it to the boss. If you can learn to do that you’ll be able to connect with others who are now lateral to you who might: get a promotion sooner and hire you away, be a better fit and want to swap places (note, also risky), or who might have networks in places they cannot move to but might be good for you.

 

Commandment Number 10: Take mental health breaks.

Most jobs have requisite break times for staff.  But I’m talking about actual unplugging from the 24/7 culture cultivated by tough bosses that assumes the boss has a higher place in our lives that family, health, or even God. Make sure you get downtime on weekends and on actual vacations. Even if it is a complete lie, say you’re going to be backpacking, sailing, or otherwise out of cell range. Make sure you have all your chores done before you leave the office and keep your files well documented. Because if something completely explodes when you do not answer you will certainly get the blame. But if you can keep things wired tight you should be able to unwire yourself enough to come in Mondays feeling optimistic and challenged, instead of angry and resentful.

 

One final note: It really is okay to have a beer, and to vent, and to find non-lethal ways of stress reduction. But remember never ever to let any of your frustration leak into your office. Everything you say will live on in someone’s memory and you do not want to become the target of an angry boss who can send you packing.

 

Look on this period the way you would boot camp. It’s a chance to develop some muscles that will serve you well when you land in easier places, and help you shine among colleagues who haven’t had the chance to learn climbing up these same tough hills. You may not believe it now, but some day you may even thank your tough boss for the chance to toughen up yourself.

 

 

 

Where’s Your Edge?

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s Prescription for

Leaping into Your Next Challenge

 

The alarm goes off. You brush your teeth, brew some caffeine and head in. What day is it? Monday-ugh; Tuesday-yawn; Wednesday-halfway (hooray!); Thursday-hang in there; Friday-TGIF!!!

 

What’s the problem? You know the drill. You know your job. You can script every day of the week, not down to the labels on the lost files but pretty close. You’re okay: secure, entrenched, safe, and yikes, can you say it out loud, totally bored,. You don’t want to die in this job but how’re you going to find the energy to prepare yourself for what happens next? Where did your energy and ambition go? Where’s your edge?

 

It’s a not uncommon lament. We’re all looking for that scent of danger, the utter vitality than comes from feeling completely alive. Not that we walk around wanting to face off lions or tigers; usually bosses are scary enough. We don’t really want to know first-hand if a parachute will open; giving a presentation is enough of a life-threatening thrill. But often we crave, secretly or not, the intensity and zeal that comes when we’re fully focused. And we tend to be most focused when we take risks, when we’re willing to leave the safety of a predictable week and test ourselves, see how we do in a new and different world.

 

So what’s it take to get ready? What do you have to do? Not just updating your resume and searching the help wanteds. What do you have to do on the inside? How do you leave behind the emotional baggage that’s weighting you down?

 

One way to face risk is to leave a safe distance between you and the edge. Look for an internal promotion. Be sure you have a secure financial safety margin. But what happens if you push the envelope a little? If you take the essentially risk-averse parts of your nature, the ones that usually run the show, and muzzle them for a while? If you allow yourself a flight of fantasy, visions of what you think you’d create, would become, would be if only.

 

The key is the ‘if only.’

 

Because if all you do is dream and then tuck those disruptive little thoughts away, or smile indulgently and then go back to your desk, sit back in the familiar chair of your predictable life, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.

 

That’s not to say that today is the day to quit your job and start a dot-com (or even to proclaim your adoration to the secret crush in an adjoining cubicle). But it might be the day to remember how to dream. To leave some space for an edge to appear, and then not to run from it.

 

Most of us have been trained to be parakeets. Too few were encouraged to become eagles. No one ever said: You can learn to fly. The ‘If only’s’ are the doubts that weight your wings, the words that keep you on the ground, safe in your cage. Take some time to think about what it means to fly. Because that’s what an edge is really all about. It’s what happens when you go over the side and trust that your wings will carry you.

 

How can you encourage yourself to take risks? And how can you figure out which risks to take?

 

The answer: start talking to yourself more and trusting the answers you come up with. In you is a great sense of understanding of what you really want, what makes you happy, what you’re willing to work and strive for, what you simply no longer are willing to put up with, and what you’re willing to sacrifice to reach some goal.

 

If you can learn to listen you will let yourself over the edge more often. You will probably make some ‘mistakes,’ but they won’t harm you more than you can bear. Though you may end up with a few tattered feathers, you’ll also learn something powerful. If you do it often enough, with a proper sense of joy and exploration, with fewer ‘if only’s’ weighting your wings, flying will begin to feel as effortless as swinging out of bed on a workday morning.

 

Risks don’t have to be big to give you the benefits you aspire to. You don’t have to throw yourself over a steep edge to feel the rush of pure air. You just have to want to take them badly enough to banish doubt from your mind.

 

Go for your dream, whatever it is. And if you aren’t sure, clear some space in your life for it to show up. When it does, fly with it.

 

 

 

Finding Your Wings

1. Commit half an hour completely to yourself. You can do this at home, (though turn off all phones), or in a library or a park. The key is insulating yourself from all distractions.

2. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line down the page. At the top of the left column, write Topic, and above the other one write Failure/Worst.

3. Write the following words in the left-hand column: Job; Salary; Job Search; Interview; Promotion; Boss; Colleague; Project; Learning Experience; Challenge. Feel free to adapt or add others.

4. You may come up with answers while you are writing the list. Jot down whatever comes to mind. This is a Working World  Rorschach test. Grab what’s in your forebrain first, so you remember it, and then peel it back and see what’s below. Most important: be honest.

5. Go through the list the way you would a crossword puzzle. Ideas and memories will trigger more ideas and memories. Your goal is emptying out all the fears, fixed ideas, and blocks you have about your work history. It may take you a while to put something in every category, but persist until you feel empty.

6. Take a week off from this project. Then go back and do the same thing, but label the right-hand column Success/Best. Repeat the previous steps till you’ve got the good things identified. Then reread both lists. What you’ll find out is:

Your failures, embarrassing moments scary times, will feel less bad to you. They are history. You’ve learned from them. You can move on. Burn the first list.

Your successes will give you strength and courage. Look at what you’ve already done! Read that list every day for a week. Keep it on your desk and add anything good that you remember or do.

7. Take a new sheet of paper and describe the next job you want. Be explicit. List everything from work hours to pay, title, responsibilities, whatever you feel you can imagine now and anything good you think of while you search.

8. Tape the list to your bathroom mirror and read it every time you brush your teeth.

9. Every time you send out a resume or go to an interview, remind yourself you’re the best person they could hire.

10. Repeat as needed until you believe #9 or reach your goal.