All Talk, No Action

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have been online dating for many years. I&'ve noticed a trend
changing over the years. When I first became single back in 2001, I
actually met several very eligible men who were available and
interested in developing a real relationship. I had a few very nice
boyfriends over the years though nothing leading to the altar. Now,
however, not so much. First you have to weed out the crazies, and
those who aren&'t broke or within reasonable age range, which
eliminates roughly 80%.


Once you narrow it down and begin
communicating, the men seem lazy: they just want to chat, texting for
days/weeks/months on end without ever meeting. They complain
about the effort to drive even just 30 minutes to meet, expect women
to act like men, and “courtship” is not in their vocabulary. Once they
meet you, if they ever do, the party’s over, the thrill is gone, and the
men vanish. I am attractive, smart, friendly, in good shape, and very
careful not to come off as overly cynical or crazy. I truly think that
online dating is eroding any chance of real relationships. Perhaps
matchmaking would be a better route, albeit much more expensive.
Or, I&'ll grow old alone, because I truly have exhausted every
possibility. I have a very busy life, in a family-oriented city, and no
real way to meet eligible (single) men. Any ideas?

All Talk, No Action

Dear Talk/Action:

You’re not the first woman with this lament, nor the first to face the
dilemma of having a life you like, absence of a relationship
notwithstanding. The most important rule if you really want to find a
partner: keep looking, online and off. As a single/looking friend once
observed, It’s a numbers game. So if the folks only don’t want to meet
after a few texts, say No thanks and move on. If you do choose to
meet, follow smart safety rules about neutral public places, giving
cyber-date’s info to a friend, and having that friend call you 30
minutes in to see if you need rescuing. Park in an easily accessible
safe place.



You could consider speed dating, which is an efficient way to check out
a roomful of folks with five minutes of quickie look-sees. Be sure to tell
everyone you respect and like that you are ready to date, and have a
quick summary of your must haves and deal breakers list ready to
share, with a mix of sincerity and self-knowing humor. Live the life you
want to, including adding in new activities where you might meet
people with similar interests. Do everything you can to be happy living
singly, so you&'ll know what is and is not negotiable if you do meet
anyone with whom a second date would be interesting. Think long run.