Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
This is a dating saga. I met someone on Match a year plus ago. We did
a lot of emailing as he was relocating, no joke, from Alaska to Florida.
He warned me that he would drop off the map for a while as he drove
through the lower 48, but I did not expect that to take a full year. The
emails stopped cold and he never called me, even though I had
provided phone numbers as well as my email. We bumped into one
another at an arts festival where coincidentally we both knew and
collected the same artist and started talking at her booth. That led to a
few dates and I could be interested….except…..he drinks a lot. And I
don’t mean just more than me, because I am a lightweight. But he
drinks more than anyone I have ever seen, and that includes my
alcoholic uncle. The booze doesn’t seem to affect his ability to hold a
conversation but I find it worrisome. Is there a way to discuss this
without immediately ending the possible romance?
Dear Almost Dry:
You can have the conversation over tea or over drinks. But from what
you are describing, do not expect your potential beau to be
enthusiastic or even accepting about your concerns.
I’d begin by asking what role alcohol has played in his life and his
family history. You can preface it with your observations about the
difference in your respective intake. Don’t worry about alarming him
because simply insisting on the topic will raise his defenses. Be clear
on what matters to you. First and foremost, that he not drive after he
has been drinking. That mean with you as a passenger or on his own.
If he doesn’t understand that issue, then don’t bother with the rest of
the conversation. If he does, go ahead and speak your piece, and then
see if there is common ground to work with. But unless you have
already fallen so deeply in love that you’re going to see this through
no matter what, my money is on a short-term romance at best. Better
that than dying for love.