Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
My husband almost died two months ago. His gastro-intestinal issues
are severely aggravated by stress, and his stress was hugely impacted
all spring by a new boss in his school district. She seems to have taken
an irrational dislike to him, blaming him for various technical mishaps
that were not only not his fault but not even close to being in his job
description. All the while she claimed to like and value him. But he was
the most expensive person in the department because of his long
seniority, and I think the pressures on her to reduce her budget may
have contributed to what I frankly felt were abusive working
conditions, exacerbated by an inexperienced supervisor. After much
family consultation, he started applying for new jobs and was offered
the first two that he applied for. She seemed genuinely regretful when
he gave notice and has scheduled a going away party for his last day I
want to say something to her about why he is really leaving, in part to
help protect his remaining colleagues and in part to help her learn to
be a better manager. My husband says just to let it go. What do you
say?
Angry Wife
Dear Angry Wife:
In general I agree with your husband. He’s safely escaping and the
relationship between him and his old job is just that, between him and
his job, not between you and his job. In addition, you are angry, and
angry rarely leads to good communication. Whatever you say will
likely come out harshly and could also be misinterpreted. It won’t
impact your husband’s ability to get another job, but educational
communities are like most other social circles. The word will travel and
it might impact him at his new job.
Instead, your husband should say something to his now former boss at
his exit interview. He should be clear about why de decided to look for
another job, citing both health and family pressures. If he has
suggestions for her, he can give them in the context of the work. If
she’s ready to learn she will listen and perhaps adapt. If not, his
former colleagues will both feel the brunt of her unhappiness and
inexperience. Budget stresses make most offices into bad working
conditions. It’s the new normal.