Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I went away for the weekend with a bunch of gals from my book

group. I had been looking forward to this for a month, in part because

I need the relaxation and also because I genuinely like these women.

They’re bright, funny, independent, and interesting to talk to. One of

them had a crisis at work and decided not to go at the last minute.

Without consulting anyone, the woman who’d coordinated the

weekend invited another woman, a former member, who I really

dislike. She’s whiny, loud, and generally unpleasant to be around. It

ruined the weekend for me. To top it off she insisted she needed her

own room (many of us had said we’d share), so I ended up having to

choose between a narrow sofa in the living room or an air mattress

next to a cold window. We all paid the same. I don’t want to lose

friends over this. Do I complain or shut up?



Dear Annoyed:

Let it go. You can decide never to go anywhere she’s going to be part

of in the future. But if the rest of these folks are your friends and you

want to keep them, keep your mouth shut. I know you’ll be tempted to

tell one or two of your best friends how annoyed you are. You can take

the chance. But remember that once you do the odds that one of them

will be tempted to tell the woman who invited the whiner is bound to

find out. Remember what you liked about your time away and be clear

before you plan a future getaway that you want a say in contingency

planning. Oh yeah, try and do that part with a light hand and a sense

of humor.