At the Cusp

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I’m 44 and a real estate agent for ten years after fifteen in social work,
Fortunately I have a husband with a job. I just got back from a vacation (his
parents treated us) in Israel, where lived and studied in my 20s. When I was
there I learned about a program where I could be trained to become a Jewish
educator: get a master’s degree in two years with a guaranteed placement In a
Hebrew day school for three after. (If I left without the three years if service I’d
pay a fortune to the education.) He’s in finance and can live anywhere, though
he’s been wanting to take a year off to do music. There are also “issues”
between us. It’s a huge decision. How can I figure out what I really want? Should
I potentially uproot my whole life? What if my husband doesn’t want to come?
At the Cusp

Dear At the Cusp:
Sorry to say this, but your marriage may be in enough trouble that
location isn’t the most important variable in its future. I would run
your evolutionary process in parallel tracks. On the one hand
investigate options for school and relocation, but do it at the same
time that you try and save your marriage, decide if you want to keep
trying, or at least decide you’re willing to risk the downsides of a
severe separation.

Re school, follow through on the application. See if you get in. If you
do and you decide to risk it, you have an option to go. You also have
an option to ask for a one-year deferral. If the marriage still seems
salvageable you can put Israel on the table as part of the process. But
leading with it now seems to put your post-divorce, or at least post-
separation, career ahead of the relationship. While you’re waiting on
the application, devote yourself to marriage counseling. Do so to see
what you are saving and on what terms, not, repeat not to save it at
any cost. Re-establish the ground rules of a life you would want to live.
If you end up single, you’ll need to make a living. No matter what, real
estate sounds like your past, not your future.