Auntie Me

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Three of my best friends have sons who each just got engaged. I was
immediately struck not only by how each of the young men proposed,
but the vastly different approaches each is taking to the ceremony and
inclusion of guests. I have been an auntie to each of them since they
were in high school, helping with everything from college essays and
scholarship apps to employing them as garden and house chore
helpers. Like most young people they need me when they do and are
polite and casual the rest of the time. I am afraid the weddings will
collide next summer, and I’m trying to figure out how to solve a
problem that doesn’t yet exist but could cause angst in the future,
assuming of course I get invited. Any great ideas?

Auntie Me

Dear Auntie:

You’re fretting over a problem that doesn’t exist. Go do something
useful instead, or at least take a walk around the block every time you
start to perseverate.

Talk to each of the moms and the young men. Say how much you care
about them and how tickled you are that their lives are turning out so
well. Acknowledge that they may choose to have a wedding that has a
limited number of guests, or that may be in locations you cannot
attend, even if you are invited. Add that you know of several young
folks with whom you have a similar relationship, all of whom are
marrying next summer. Say you would love to attend and can they
please let you now the date when they choose it, so you can block out
the time. Then, if there is a conflict, you can decide which wedding to
attend. One more thing: especially if they know one another, make
sure the gift to each is identical so no mom thinks you played