Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I teach in a district where I am the only English as a Second Language
instructor, so have students from grades 1-12. I work very hard at
coming up with interesting lesson plans. It’s particularly hard because
I have many of the same students for several years, so it is difficult to
recycle old lessons. I really work hard during the year and try to take
time off in summer without pushing myself too hard to prep. But now I
feel like someone who stopped doing yoga three months ago and has
wandered into an advanced class. My thinking muscles have gotten
lazy. I’m used to sleeping in and functioning on my own schedule. How
can I get used to a full day’s work and making time to come up with
lessons plans. Extra credit if you can make them re-usable.

Back in the Saddle

 
Dear Back in the Saddle:

Most of us know we’d benefit from a daily schedule but they’re hard to
keep. Virtually impossible during holiday and vacation time, but very
necessary during workweeks. Making the transition is hard but easily
reinforced by your desire to keep your job. My suggestions may not be
practical for your exact schedule but adapt as needed.

 
Take inventory of everything you need to do in a week. Tag them as
daily or weekly chores. Once you have a list of daily tasks, start with a
fixed M-F day, say 6 am until 8 pm. You should be sleeping before
then and relaxing until bedtime after. Allocate time for everything from
morning ablutions to commuting and fixing your lunch. Try to
accommodate your lesson planning time into the period before dinner,
with 7-8 as your safety valve. It would be great to be able to pull the
plug on life and have family time starting say 6:30 pm. Save weekly
chores for Sat/Sun, and don’t be shy about delegating them. Make a
schedule and test it for a week. Take notes about what works and
doesn’t. Adjust as needed.

 
When you are in lesson-planning mode, take an idea and adapt it for
elementary, middle-school, and high-school. As in, Write a story about
something that happened in your family ion the last week. You could
adjust the number and complexity of vocabulary words to use, the
amount of time to write, etc. Try to get two lessons done in each
planning session so you are a week ahead within a month latest. Then
you have a buffer if you get sick or in a jam. Make sure you have at
least 1.5 weekend days for relaxation, or you will burn out fast. The
good news is that your mental muscles will revive quickly, assuming
you like what you do.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I just lost the better part of a sleepless weekend to worry and fear. My
boss, who is usually a smart and insightful person, has a new boss. I
guess technically that means I do too, but my job is primarily to
support my department head and the folks we work with. On Friday
afternoon, at 4:00 she comes to me with one of the most hare-brained
ideas I have ever heard about a “departmental reorganization to
effectively respond to changes in budgetary priorities and possible
imminent staffing changes.” I can’t even say it without gagging, and I
am pretty sure my colleagues don’t even know this is coming down on
us. I think my boss is trying to &%*$ up to her boss. When she told
me her ideas, I said “That’s just bad thinking.” It came out without
hesitation. My boss glared at me, said “We’ll talk Monday,” and stalked
off. What should I do?

Need This Job

 
Dear Need This Job:

A valuable generality first: Any time someone, anyone not just your
boss, comes to you with an idea on a Friday afternoon, you should
have a simple two-line answer: That’s a lot to think about. Can we get
together Monday and really work on it together?

 
Your current situation is more delicate. A weekend without sleep and
with too much fear and worry won’t help, but do your best to stay
calm. Email your boss a quick Can we talk this morning? Asap. When
you get in, close the door and apologize. Something simple like, I’m
sorry I over-reacted Friday. I was just taken aback at the thinking of
the new higher boss who doesn’t really know who we are and what we
do yet. It may have been your boss’s bad thinking you were really
responding to, but shift the focus. Be prepared to say at least three
good things about the bad plan, and then to have some suggestion to
amend it. If you can disguise substantive remediation as something
more benign, all the better. But go in prepared with an assessment of
what’s most important to you, what you hope to have as an outcome,
what you’re prepared to let go of, and what you’re prepared to fight
for. This is one battle in a much longer war. Don’t use all your ammo
in the first round. PS Walking in with muffins and/or fruit will help.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m going insane trying to serve two masters, my old boss and my new
one. I’m overdue to start a new job in a counseling non-profit but had
to stay in my old job until they hired a new therapist. In addition to
trying to get caught up on all the case filing and leaving good chart
notes for my replacement, the old boss is trying to have me do
trainings and workshops for my colleagues so that my accumulated
knowledge doesn’t walk out the door with me. If he’d acted like he
thought I was worth this much, and paid me for it, I might not have
looked for work. But he always acted like I was disposable. I finally got
tired of worrying when I would get laid off and did something about it.
I care about my clients but I have my own sanity to protect. How can I
make this transition and be done with the old when I walk in to the
new?

Straddling

 
Dear Straddling:

My goals are clear communication and brevity of documentation. You
can have a cup of coffee with your replacement, but other than that,
you should focus on your new job. The good news is you have
technology in your corner. If you have a smart phone, use it. If not,
borrow one and do this: Make a pile of every chart/file/client record
you are responsible for. Use the recorder/digital notes application to
document the current status of this person. Have one notes file for
each client. (BTW test this out to be sure it works). State the client’s
name, and then say These chart notes are confidential and for the use
of the OrgName therapist only. Then go through whatever you would
want the new therapist to know: what the main issues are, the big
trigger points or positive motivations, major crises, and current status
of emotional health. Then send that file, which will transcribe itself into
text, to the new hire. Some of the text may get garbled, so speak
clearly. But the act of transcribing and making sense of things will help
get the new hire up to speed. Talking will be much more efficient for
you than writing. As for the workshops/trainings, go in and shoot from
the hip. Speak naturally and sincerely. It’s all you can do in the time
on hand.

I hope your old boss learns a valuable lesson: Tell people whom you
value what a good job they do it you want to hang onto them.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I worked in an abusive situation for twenty years. I stayed in the job
too long, perhaps because I was very well compensated, which may
have clouded my judgment. By the time I understood that most
bosses don’t publicly humiliate their executive assistant in front of
other staff I was a mid-fifties female in middle management. If you
ran an ad for a mid-level manager you might get 200 resumes like
mine, so I decided it was easier to roll downhill towards retirement
than to risk another situation with worse pay and an equally bad boss.
That decision cost me the better part of my sanity and my health,
though I prevailed pretty well until the last six months before age 62.
Then, sensing I was going to leave soon, he became so publicly
demeaning that I consulted a lawyer and negotiated a severance
agreement that paid for my medical insurance until Medicare. Hoo-ray!
Now the company is going to have its fiftieth anniversary party and I
have been invited. I would like to see the colleagues I enjoyed working
with, but one of them let slip that they’re going to ask me to play
myself in a skit with my old boss. Should I go or not?

Beaten No More

 
Dear No More:

Is the old boss still the Old Boss or is there a New Boss in the room
who might temper the invitation? The simplest way to ensure that
you’re not forced into a situation you don’t want to be in is to decline
the invite. Period. If you’re not there, you cannot be embarrassed. The
next best thing to do is to accept the invitation but put a caveat on it
that you are there as a guest and will not participate in entertainment.
That may not stop them from asking you, but you can demur in the
moment. It’s more awkward and makes you seen a little of a Grinch.
Alternatively, you could plan in advance with a favorite former
colleague to be your body double, so that if you are asked you could
pretend to think it over and then say, For tonight’s performance, Ed
So-and- so will be playing the part of me. A cross-gender choice adds
to the comedy, especially if the person can ham it up.

But in the spirit of the season, I would encourage you to lay all you old
feelings of anger, shame, abuse, fear, and revenge on the altar of
t’shuvah. Release them when you say your prayers, and come back to
yourself with a sense of being lighter in your soul. It is hard work
carrying around anger and shame. Our religion offers us ways to
transcend it. Take advantage of them, and then go to your party, and
enjoy showing off the new happy you. PS Look sharp and smile! It
may have taken the long run to get there, but you won your freedom.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Your recent answer to the person who attended a company party
under duress made me laugh. I was actually looking forward to mine.
I’d worked there twenty-five years and have many great relationships
with my former colleagues, clients, associates, etc. It was a total blast
to see everyone with whom I’d lost touch. Except for one guy who was
trying to be very in touch! He got very drunk and kept wanting to hug
me. I’m not talking once or twice but seven times. When he heard me
say I was driving home that night after the party (two hours), he kept
saying “Stay with me! Stay with me!” I was embarrassed and avoided
him as much as possible, but now I am unsure what to do. He sent me
an email suggesting we “get together for a private drink.” Back in the
day I might have done it, but that was two marriages and twenty
years ago. Should I reply vi email, phone him, send a message back
via a colleague or just ignore him.

When You See Icicles in Hell

 
Dear When You:

Clearly the message you want to deliver is Thanks But NO Thanks,
with a double emphasis on the N.O.! A person who was not intoxicated
either with ego or alcohol would have gotten the message the night of
the party that you are not interested in personal time together. Why
he thought you might be may have its origins from back in the day,
but assuming you did nothing to support his fantasies, he’s going to be
very disappointed.

 
I don’t think ignoring him is the right solution, though it’s tempting,
and you could try it for a while. I would counsel not answering him
directly, and making a point of talking with the person at your old firm
whom you trust the most not to embellish or gossip. Say So-and- So
got drunk and “sort of came on during the party” but you’re “pretty
sure you gave him the “No thanks” message. That gets your side of
the story in the timeline, in case people didn’t witness it. If the guy
writes back, send him an email that says, Thanks but no thanks. My
life is busy and I’m not interested in one-on- one time. Try to avoid
lying about your relationship status. But if he persists, call your friend,
explain the problem, and ask her or the right other person to shake
him by the collar and make him stop pursuing you.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I work in an academic department where many of the profs keep their
doors open during office hours. That’s doubly true in the hot summer
in an ancient building without air conditioning. Two of my friends have
offices directly across the hall from one another and adjacent to mine.
They’ve gotten into the habit of shouting to one another (and I’m
talking LOUDLY) to get answers about everything from academic
requirements to lunch plans. It’s distracting and in my mind also very
unprofessional. I don’t want to sic the department chair on them, but I
find it rude and annoying. Academics generally have low emotional
intelligence despite our big brains. How can I convey my response in a
manner that will stick, without them feeling stuck?

Good Neighbor

 
Dear Good Neighbor:

Ask them when’s a good time to all go out to lunch together. Have a
friendly meal and catch up on all the usual gossip about all things
personal and professional. Then tell them you have a question and
want their input. If they’re like most profs, they’ll perk up in their
seats thinking you have a professional matter to discuss. Then say
very simply: When you two shout across the hall it is disturbing to me
and my students. If it bothers me, which it does, I’m betting it also
bothers Colleagues A, B, and C much more. [Note: A, B, and C should
be names of people they do not like but would not want to challenge,
but not people they would delight in annoying.] Would you consider
doing any of the following: use the intercom; get walkie-talkies; send
emails, texts, or instant messages; or get back to your students with
answers at a later time? It would make my days better and the
hallway much more copacetic. PS: Better you solve this yourselves
before someone else talks to the Department Chair.

 
They’ll be deflated and possibly peeved. But by tackling them at the
same time you avoid them bonding and seeing you as the problem.
You can try and make them laugh by adding, Or maybe two Dixie cups
and piece of string, so they see that their current modus operandum is
as impractical as having a student or prof tangled in their line. Most
adult professionals should respond reasonably to such a simple plea,
no matter how emotionally undeveloped they may be in other aspects
of their lives.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’ve worked in a real-estate office in a converted craftsman-style home
for eight years, the second longest employee. When a manager retired
who had been occupying one of the front rooms, I asked the owner if I
could have it. He said yes and I have spent $600 refurnishing it at my
own expense. Now my colleagues are giving me the cold shoulder,
even though they could have asked for the room also. What really fries
me is that the person who has been here longer than me insists she
should have had rights to it by seniority. But when I asked her if she
wanted it, which I did before I talked to the owner, she said No. Now
she’s saying I never asked her, and gossiping with the other gals and
saying I should pay more for the office. How do I deal with their envy?

My Grapes Are Sweet, But Theirs Are Sour

 
Dear Grapes:

Office politics is a particularly virulent form of bad weather. Storms
that should pass in a day or two can linger for a long time, and embed
themselves in attitudes that can affect group performance and morale.
In this case you are unlikely to convince her that you did ask first,
because she’s taken a position and would lose face if she backed away
from it. So use the owner as your mouthpiece.

 
Have the boss call a meeting and say simply, There’s bad blood and
bad talk going around that I want to quell. [your name] asked me for
the space before she moved into it and has furnished it at her own
expense. Next time there’s a room opening, we can have a group
meeting to discuss it. But for now, that’s her room, so everything
please stop fussing over it and get back to doing what we’re here to
do: make money. With good luck that ends it. With bad, you’ll have to
live through the shifting allegiances until someone else tips the group
neuroses in a different direction. This will pass, but it won’t be any fun
until it does.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My former assistant is one of the last people standing in the branch
office I used to manage. The handwriting is on the wall for the
company closing it down but she’s under the wing of our supervisor,
the original company founder. She’s 55 and does not have very strong
computer skills, so she’s rightly concerned about being thrust into the
job market. She’s been well paid for doing many personal chores for
him, as well as corporate work that’s drying up. The new owners are
letting him graze in pre-retirement pastures, but that’s won’t help her
when they shut the place down. She asked me to read her resume and
to write a reference so she could apply for a job another colleague told
her about. She’s almost certainly going to have problems finding any
position as good as what she has now, and she is a great person, so I
gave her a strong letter. Now the big boss, who feels completely
dependent upon her staying, asked me if I was helping her look for
work. My sympathy is with her, but he has been very generous to me
over time, and still comes to me to help him out. What should I say?

Helping Both Sides

 
Dear Helping:

You should give a qualified Yes, otherwise known as a white lie. Say
she asked you for a letter of reference for a specific job that someone
told her about. Omit mentioning the resume help or any coaching and
advice you may have offered.

 
Tell him how bad the job market is to women over fifty who lack
strong computer or technical skills. If he’s been a boss for a long time
he’s probably very out of touch with the realities of looking for work,
but very used to having people at his beck and call. Assure him that
unless she gets very lucky, her search is likely to be long. He may
even have to go to bat for her with the corporate powers if he wants to
keep her longer than they do. Finally, reassure him that she has never
spoken in any way except with personal loyalty towards him and
regret about the changes. Finally, tell him that if she were to find
something, you and she would help him find a good replacement. End
with, When have we ever let you down?

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Our office has its annual party between Christmas and New Years. It’s
an attempt by management to avoid having the whole place shut down
for two weeks. It’s unofficially mandatory to attend, so most of the
staff keeps themselves busy with heavy alcohol consumption. One of
my colleagues got drunk and said some very inappropriate things to
me. He is no one I would ever have thought about dating even without
this incident, which included both several attempts at groping and a
vivid description of how I played in his fantasy life. At the time I
walked away (several times but finally successfully), remained for the
corporate announcements but avoided him, and stayed glued to a
buddy for the rest of the evening whom I told about his behavior. It’s
a big company but our jobs do intersect regularly. No one is anyone’s
boss. Do I write it off or should I say or do something?

Feh !

 
Dear Feh:

You can’t protect yourself from someone else’s fantasy life. But within
a corporate environment you have lots of recourse to protect yourself
from bad language and groping, which translate as sexual harassment.
You should not have to avoid this person. On the contrary, he should
apologize to you and then be very carefully appropriate from this point
forward.

 
You have two choices, both of which lead to the Human Resources
Department door. The first is to go to the offender directly, and tell
him that you were very disappointed and concerned by his behavior.
Doing this first gives him a chance to apologize, say it was a one-time
lapse of judgment, and gives you to reinforce that if it happens again
you will report him to Human Resources.

The alternative is to go to HR
first, and tell them that you are going to do so. The problem is that if it
truly was a one-time event, you may be starting something you will
have to follow up, could impact his career, and get you tagged as a
whiner. In your favor is his reference to fantasies. But ultimately this
will come down to a he-said/she- said scenario. You are completely in
the right and a competent HR person will both tell you what your
options are and protect you. But like any tarbaby, it’s going to stick to
you too. No, life isn’t always fair. I’d ask for a confidential meeting
with HR, explain your preference for proceeding, and see what they
say. Either way you will learn a lot

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I need to hire a replacement for our office manager and sales
assistant, who is leaving after fifteen years. I know we can train the
right person, but finding that right one from a hundred resumes of
wide-ranging quality is an overwhelming task. I can weed out people
who are clearly unqualified, fulfilling a requirement to apply, and
others without relevant experience. But I have a job to do beyond
spending tons of time with wannabes. I am sure they are sincere but I
need someone who knows the job, as well as being smart and hard
working.

Boss Lady

 
Dear Boss Lady:

Sort them into four piles: No Way; How Desperate Am I?; Second Tier;
Worth 5 Minutes. Then spent five minutes on the phone with everyone
in the last group. You can spend more time if you find yourself
interested and engaged, but say upfront it is a brief screening call.
You’ll get more facile as you practice, so save the best looking folks for
later in the process. If the first answers are engaging, dig deeper.
Start here with questions: Can summarize of what you think we do? (If
they haven’t looked at your website it’ll start to show here) What’s is
your biggest question about the company? (ditto) Have you had to
answer phones and multi-task at the same time? How do you track
and follow up ongoing tasks? Are you familiar with [specific software
position uses]? Anyone who keeps you interested with his/her answers
deserves consideration for an in-person interview. Only you can know
how much time you have for those. I do suggest doing the first one
alone, and involving other key players only after you have it down to
the last, best, few applicants. You’ll learn more each time you see
them.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a position to fill that involves a mix of high-level quantitative
and technical sill and also helping with office support. The high-end
functions are specialized but a smart person could learn them with a
good trainer. The office skills are simplistic and tedious – answering
phones and doing filing procedures so that all records are accessible to
other staff. The real critical factor is a sense of teamwork, because it is
a four-person office. The rest of us are women. We all answer the
phone as needed (it happens in spurts) even though our jobs are also
technical. We have never had a problem working around one another’s
busy times. I have a male applicant who knows the quant work cold
but I&'m worried the new guy might be a prima donna and think he&'s
too good for the office work. I don&'t want to be biased but I&'m nervous
about spending scarce resources on a bad hire. Am I:

Biased?

 
Dear Biased:

You are biased, which comes from decades upon decades of having
women in traditional office support roles. Note that when it began it
was revolutionary even to allow female clerks, so female managers is
something folks a hundred years ago would have been shocked by. I
confess to not being able to watch Mad Men because it feels so
reminiscent of my youth, with men always telling women what to do.

But times have changed and what many of us grew up with as the
norm has changed by light years. Grow up and get with the times.
That said, in case your instincts are right, if there is a male boss who
could deliver the message it might add teeth to it. Even if not, make it
bleat that everyone with a capital E answers phones and that keeping
the job is dependant on helping, no matter how good the technical
work is. Set up a schedule of phone zones that’s explicit about who is
first up. Everyone has boring non-technical work they can do during
those times, like filing, email clean up, and other non-quantitative
tasks. Once you are comfortable with him you can get looser about all
this. If this doesn’t feel right, run the ad again and see if you find
someone you really jive with. Beyond your bias, in a very small officer
it is especially important that people like one another.