Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I just got tapped by my boss to be the key speaker for a promo video
for our company. I’m terrified !!! He picked me because I don’t have
the normal fear of public speaking, but there’s a difference between
getting up in front of your colleagues and talking about this quarter’s
sales reports and trying to talk to people you can’t make eye contact
with, who may or may not give a flying %$^ about what you’re
pitching. Can you give me some public speaking tips that can translate
my ability to think on my feet with having to perform in front of a
camera? I do know to get a haircut and wear clothes that look
professional. But I’m talking about how to prep so I don’t stumble too
badly in public. A promotion could be on the line.

Upwardly Mobile

 
Dear Upwardly Mobile:

The first thing you need to do is know your material well. There’s no
magic bullet for any form of public speaking, but if you don’t know
what you’re talking about and/or you can’t say it in a way that sounds
convincing, the entire episode will fail. Start by questioning whoever’s
writing the script. Get it from them ASAP, as in now, today. Make sure
you have at least two weeks, preferably more, to practice your
delivery. Keep practicing until you can do this for your family or
colleagues and have them stay interested until the end.

Here’s how: Read the script out loud, repeat out loud. Say it to
yourself in a room as though you were speaking it to your audience. If
you hear your voice falter or you need to gasp for air, it’s a good clue
you’re going to need to edit the text. For people to listen to you and
believe you, you will need to sound comfortable with the words.
Comfortable people talk in contractions, not in formal language like
that you see on corporate brochures. So get relaxed with the actual
text, and, if necessary, get approval from whoever needs to sign off on
your changes. Then read it aloud onto your iPhone or some device
where you can play it back and listen with headphones. Get used to
the sound of your voice saying the words. It’s not so much a matter of
memorizing it (though I’m not against knowing it cold) as it is having
the talk become and feel like a natural part of you. Go for nice long
walks and listen a couple times each direction. Once you’ve got the
words down, add body language. Practice giving the talk in front of a
mirror. Look at your facial expressions. If you can get somebody to
videotape you it’s a mixed call about whether it’ll terrify you or
encourage you. But if you have a promotion riding on it, go full bore to
look fabulous and wise.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I helped get a friend of mine a job. It was at a particularly vulnerable
time in his life, because he’d been fired from his last one. I thought it
was a good fit for my company. I left the final hiring decision to the
owner, even though I am the Human Resources Manager, because of
my conflict of interest. I was very clear that though he was a social
friend, he was also well qualified. Not to put to fine a point on it, but
he has ****ed up royally by both attitude and performance. He is
flippant when he should be penitent, and people think of him as a
roadblock rather than an asset. I’m afraid he’s going to get fired. Do I
alert him or not?

In the Middle

 
Dear In the Middle:

It’s as awkward hiring friends as it is when friends borrow or lend
money. But in this case you are wearing exactly the right hat to
intervene, to warn him, and possibly forestall the firing.
Call him into your office and say this: [Friend], I’m wearing my Human
Resources hat, not my friend hat. Can you hear what I’m about to say
in that context? (Get an explicit Yes from him before you continue.)
I’m hearing lots of complaints about your performance, from both
down the line and above my head. If you’re happy here and want to
keep the job, you’re going to have to change both your style and your
substance. Let’s work on a performance remediation plan that I can
show the owner, so you can be sure of at least a month or two
employment to turn this around. And if you’re not happy, let’s meet
for a beer off-site and I’ll help you with your resume. A friend would
say thanks for both options.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am the star teacher at my school (high school math). My students
adore me. My principal says she’ll slit her wrists if I leave. But my
district just decided that we have to set “smart goals” so the district
can show that there’s improvement in student learning. What a joke!
They should be called “dumb $^# goals!!” My time would be so much
better spent in regular meetings with my students. I just got called
into the principal’s office for failing to submit them on a timely basis.
We both worked hard to be civil, but when she showed me my buddy’s
goals (which he’d proudly told me over a beer had taken him a total of
twelve minutes), I lost it. Now I have to do them pronto. Advice?!?

Dedicated But Annoyed

 
Dear Dedicated:

For occasions such as this were invented thesauruses. Synonyms are a
writer’s great friend. Ask your buddy for a copy of his goals in a
word.doc. Ask his permission to modify them appropriately. Then sit
down and go through them line by line, changing every verb to a great
synonym. Then go through and change the subject nouns to what’s
appropriate for your specific classes. Resist what will be an inclination
to get sarcastic or fancy. This is a case where The facts Ma’am, just
the facts will serve you best.

 
While there may be a legitimate reason for writing these goals, the
real focus of a teacher should be teaching. And the more time you put
into student contact, as opposed to administrative chores, the better
for your kids. The next time you need to do these goals, take the most
obvious shortcut. Buy your buddy a beer. Take your smart gadgets to
a bar and set the times for ten minutes. Whoever finishes last can buy
the second round.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

How can I educate the owners of the firm I’ve worked at for almost
twenty years about a dangerous risk of malpractice and litigious
exposure? I’m an engineer in a firm that does a lot of work supporting
attorneys in litigation. One of the firms founders has been the chief
testified for decades. He used to be sharp and fun to work with, a
great intellect who could make complicated information
understandable to lay people on the jury. Now I think he has
Alzheimer’s. I just spent nine agonizing minutes on the phone as he
struggled to open two files. He’s in Chicago for a trial and I swear he
hasn’t even read the report we researched and wrote but that he
signed. He refused to be involved in the analysis and skipped most
pre-trial prep meetings. He may squeak through this time but the new
owners deserve to know its time for him to retire. I don’t want to lose
my job, but if a case goes south I’m likely to be the scapegoat
anyhow. How can I be honest and avoid blame?

Middle Man

 
Dear Middle Man:

Any owner who would fire you for alerting him/her to a huge source of
risk is a fool you should try and run from. If you’ve been there thirty
years and the owner is new, then you are, or should be, considered a
valuable source of information. And if this expert is someone with
whom you’ve worked for years, you should be able to speak eloquently
about how he was, worked, and prepared in earlier years and how he
is and does now.

 
Focus on getting through this trial without a serious blunder. Then ask
for a conference with the owner. Your opening line is “We just dodged
a bullet.” “Bullet” should convey urgency and the “we” loyalty. Explain
the lack of prep and your perception of diminishing capacity. Say you
are happy to be a team player and will do what the boss asks. But say
that you’d like to work with other experts, perhaps up and coming
younger ones, whom you can teach good habits and help mentor into
a string of successors on the stand. If you don’t feel heard, brush up
your resume and see how you fare in the market.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m a middle-school teacher and I love my job. But I hate the stress
that goes along with it, and the fact that my evenings and all day
Sunday are devoted to reading student exams and class prep. I don’t
get out of there on time because students keep coming to talk and for
help, because I’m one of the few teachers they feel safe talking to. My
husband and friends are ready to have me committed by Thanksgiving
break. How can I make this year different?

Saner This Time Around?

 
Dear Saner:

You need to make two lists: one for what you love about your job and
the other of what you’d change if you could. Then the most important
list: how your life would be if you were happy at work and happy and
sane not at work. Include in it all the things that help keep you sane,
whether that’s walking the dog, going to the gym or yoga classes, or
something as simple as taking a hot bath and curling up on the sofa
with a book.

 
Then get out a weekly calendar and set up a schedule for yourself.
Make a schedule that sets boundaries for work and personal time. Yes
boundaries. Times when you will leave the school and go immediately
to the gym. Times when you will unplug your phone and knit. Tikes
when you and your partner will go out for dinner and a movie and
neither of you will talk about work. Times when you can go for a glass
of wine with your friends, listen to one another complain about work
for five minutes each, and then talk about food, culture, fashion, and
frivolity. Live your life, not your work!

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My husband almost died two months ago. His gastro-intestinal issues
are severely aggravated by stress, and his stress was hugely impacted
all spring by a new boss in his school district. She seems to have taken
an irrational dislike to him, blaming him for various technical mishaps
that were not only not his fault but not even close to being in his job
description. All the while she claimed to like and value him. But he was
the most expensive person in the department because of his long
seniority, and I think the pressures on her to reduce her budget may
have contributed to what I frankly felt were abusive working
conditions, exacerbated by an inexperienced supervisor. After much
family consultation, he started applying for new jobs and was offered
the first two that he applied for. She seemed genuinely regretful when
he gave notice and has scheduled a going away party for his last day I
want to say something to her about why he is really leaving, in part to
help protect his remaining colleagues and in part to help her learn to
be a better manager. My husband says just to let it go. What do you
say?

Angry Wife

 
Dear Angry Wife:

In general I agree with your husband. He’s safely escaping and the
relationship between him and his old job is just that, between him and
his job, not between you and his job. In addition, you are angry, and
angry rarely leads to good communication. Whatever you say will
likely come out harshly and could also be misinterpreted. It won’t
impact your husband’s ability to get another job, but educational
communities are like most other social circles. The word will travel and
it might impact him at his new job.

Instead, your husband should say something to his now former boss at
his exit interview. He should be clear about why de decided to look for
another job, citing both health and family pressures. If he has
suggestions for her, he can give them in the context of the work. If
she’s ready to learn she will listen and perhaps adapt. If not, his
former colleagues will both feel the brunt of her unhappiness and
inexperience. Budget stresses make most offices into bad working
conditions. It’s the new normal.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I used chits to recommend someone for a job. I know she is the
perfect hire. The friend whose medical practice she would manage
keeps hiring mid-20’s folks who leave him once they decide they have
found their life’s calling. Sarah is 42, a mother, and in relationship with
a good friend. She is mature, intelligent, experienced, and interested.
Or at east I thought she was. She just told me that a day before her
interview she emailed the doc bailing out, because her fiancé’s house
sale fell through (she will become wife number two; house was from
his first marriage) and she doesn’t want more stress. I think she is
being incredibly shortsighted, as the house will sell and her dream job
will be scooped up. Should I speak to one or all, or let it play out as it
does?

Yenta

 
Dear Yenta:

You know the old saying about leading a horse to water but not being
able to make it drink? Apply it here. You have been a good friend
trying to connect various lose people and situations that connect
through you. It sounds like the “dream job” may be coming at the
wrong time, which will make her not as much of a dream employee.
In fact, the doc whom she emailed to cancel may already be wiping his
brow thinking he dodged a bullet. What if she’d gotten the job and
then quit. Your chits would be gone and double gone.
Tell her, and her fiancé depending on how close a friend he is, what
you think. Tell the doc she was trying to be protective of her honey.
Then leave it up to all the consenting adults to see who fits where
best. Your work is done.

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My boss took a month-long holiday to Australia and New Zealand. He
wanted me in the office while he was gone, to handle mail and client
calls, and generally to be his safety valve and anchor in case anything
went wrong while he was travelling. This is a guy who panics when he
loses his glasses let alone his passport or reservations. I’ve actually
had enough to do while he’s been away, getting to lots of backlog that
he often keeps me too busy to address. But he’s due back next week
and I want to make some vacation plans of my own. When I texted
him to say I was scheduling time in the week after the week he came
back– specifically saying I’d be around to get him oriented upon his
return– I got a panicked call saying “No, No, I need you! You can’t
leave now!” I feel like I deserve a summer vacation too, and the busy
season for our industry starts right when the school year does, just
after Labor Day. How can I politely say, I’m outta here! See you in
September!”?

Deskbound

 
Dear Deskbound:

Hindsight being what it is, much more accurate, you should have said
a month ago: I know you’ll need me here when you return, so here
are the arrangements I’m making to monitor things while you are
gone: I’ll be at my desk times x, y, and z, but will take some vacation
time while you are out of the country so I can be here when you are
back. If there’s a serious emergency, please text my cell. If I plan to
head anywhere I won’t have coverage, I will have [responsible person
name known to you both] on tap for the brief time I will be off the
grid.

 
Given that you did not, you will have to adjust to shorter away times
than you might have preferred. Give him a week to be back before you
plan to be gone for anything longer than a four-day weekend. If you
can get him to agree to a full week off, don’t make it the last one in
August when you’ll be gearing up for the push. Greet him with ranked
piles of matters you have attended to, each with a cover memo that
includes the name of client, a quick summary of the problem and
resolution, and the date it was completed, plus needed follow-up if
any. For matters that still require his attention, schedule two one-hour
periods each day for you to meet together to address them until the
pile is gone. PS beware of jet-lag induced moodiness!