Category Archives: Gifting

Sort of Like an Aunt

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My best friend’s son is graduating from college this year. He’s going on
to a professional program in a year, but first taking time to travel and
detox from 21 years of school. He and his girlfriend are going to travel
in South and Central America, taking not much more than backpacks
and smart phones. It reminds me of my youth. I like this kid and wish
him well. I’ve also helped him a lot in the past five years, primarily
with editing his college essays and scholarship applications. As a result
he’s been able to accrue almost no school debt. I expect to help him
again this summer, to get his apps ready for the next set of
submissions. The question: What should I give him as a graduation
gift? I generally hate giving money, but he really lacks for nothing. If I
give cash, how much?

Sort of Like an Aunt

 
Dear Sort of Like an Aunt:

If this kid is like family, you should give him something you won’t be
embarrassed about. Even though you say you’re used to helping him,
you’d never have said No if he had come asking. So while your time
and effort are certainly worth something, they are also a gift you have
already given. It would be slightly churlish to keep rubbing his face in
your help, and to use your editing as some kind of quid pro quo for a
gift.

 
That said, you don’t have to give more than you are comfortable. My
guess is that he and his girl will be staying in hostels and eating on the
cheap. Think about a card, accompanied by a check of say $25-50,
that says: Have a wonderful time on your great adventure. The
attached is to be used exclusively for a lovely meal and a place with
your own bath and copious hot water. I expect to hear great stories
when you return!

Mom and Wife

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I was raised Jewish-ish by a single mother who was more of a new-age
hippie Buddhist pantheist than a practicing Jew. Surprisingly I married
a man who is far more devout than I am and have grown to love
keeping a kosher house and all the rituals of the seasons. This year for
Chanukah my mother sent our three children three books, for them to
share with one another and with us. Two were spiritual books about
astrophysics, which didn’t bother my husband at all, as he works in the
sciences, and often quotes Einstein to prove that God and science are
not incompatible. But the third book was a collection of Buddhist
bedtime stories. I recognize that my mother (who is good-hearted
even if she doesn’t totally understand my life choices) does not mean
to offend, but my husband sees is as undermining their faith. They are
11, 8, and 5, so still very much malleable in their learning. What
should I do with this book?

Mom and Wife

 
Dear Mom and Wife:

What a wonderful gift of a learning opportunity your mother gave your
family! The world is filled with people who are devout members of
religions other than Judaism. For your children to be raised in a bubble
without knowing that, or understanding that other religions offer their
adherents many of the same values, rituals, comforts, and emotional
sustenance as Judaism would be a horrible disservice to them. Surely
even your husband has to negotiate multiculturalism in his workplace,
and has learned to treat others with the same respect he wishes to
receive.

 
I would use the stories as teaching moments for the family, with or
without your husband’s participation. Among my favorite memories
from childhood is talking and sharing with my mother while we cleaned
up after dinner. Perhaps have the older two rotate reading the stories
a few nights a week. Then talk about what they are about in terms of
values such as compassion and generosity. Then compare those values
to Jewish teachings such as goodness and tzedakah. Focus on what is
best in each religion and what unites us as people instead of what
divides us. If Jews and Buddhists cannot do this there is not much
hope for the planet. And thank your mother for her thoughtful gift,
telling her it’s a teachable moment for everyone including your hubby.

Not A Grinch

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m part of a circle of friends who’ve traded holiday gifts for decades.
Eventually we stopped giving them to all the children too, but it would
feel very strange, even socially uncomfortable, to skip Hanukah gifts
for the core friends. This summer I gently suggested donating our gift
money as tzedakah instead; I could see the “Grinch” tag aimed my
way. These are people who need not one thing. They’re all downsizing:
from purging their closets of work clothes after to retiring to moving
into a condo. Even at the risk of social stigma, I feel torn between
sending an email saying, In your honor I have made a Hanukah
donation to [our synagogue or some non-profit] and buying some silly
token gift to demonstrate that we should have outgrown this ritual.
You want a vote?

Not A Grinch

 
Dear Not A Grinch:

There are so many people who are in true need that spending any
money at all on useless consumerism feels more wasteful than silly. If
I ran your world, I’d stick with your tzedakah plan for half of your
budget and organize a group excursion (as in “the gift of a collective
experience”) with the other half.

 
Start with an email that says roughly, I know we’re all downsizing, so I
have decided not to gift “things” this Hanukah. But I love you all and
want to honor the depth and duration of our friendship. In our
collective names I have made a donation to [insert name of Jewish
organization that serves the needy, say Jewish Federation]. I’m also
proposing that we pool our resources and start a new annual holiday
tradition of an excursion to somewhere wonderful, for example,
theater tickets or a day trip to somewhere fun. Let’s find new ways to
make the world and our psyches better. There may be some grumbling
about Grinch-iness, but your true friends won’t tell you about it.

Thanks, But No

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I have a friend who keeps giving
me her hand-me- downs like she is doing me a big favor. I’m not sure
where she got the idea that I admired her taste, which I most certainly
do not, though I do politely tell her that I like whatever new purchase
she is modeling when we get together. This is, btw, a woman who
proudly tells me “I don’t like to shop” but who manages not to wear
the same thing twice in a season. For my birthday, she gave me, gift-
wrapped no less!!, a box of “gently worn” duds that she said I had
admired. I managed to swallow my horror and surprise and said
“Thanks but I’m in giving-away mode, so perhaps you should donate
these to a women’s charity.” I know she means well, but this feels
both awkward and inappropriate. Do you have a gentle way to forestall
what I fear is coming my way again in December?

Thanks, But No

 
Dear Thanks, But:

Asking if you want a no-longer- needed item is considerate. Gift-
wrapping it is rude and/or a very bad joke. Either way, unless it is
something you have truly coveted, the appropriate response is Thanks,
but No thanks. Women I know who are in acquisition and/or shedding
mode have made an annual clothing exchange party for people to
bring their out-grown, under-worn, and otherwise no-longer- wanted
attire. All the residual clothing, jewelry, and accessories are donated to
local women’s organizations that help people in transition who are
homeless or who might need professional attire they could not
otherwise afford.

 
If you suspect this person is planning to “gift” you again for Hanukah,
make it a non-event by telling her how you are culling your clothes
down to the essentials as part of a self-improvement program. You
could, in your nicest possible voice, say If you’re interested in
anything….., but only if you can keep a straight face.

Not Cheap But Not Feeling All Too Obligated Either

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

What’s etiquette for people you feel obligated to give a gift to, but
neither particularly like, nor want to spend a lot of money on? Most of
them make more than we do, and I am comfortable. I also hate waste.

Not Cheap But Not Feeling All Too Obligated Either

 
Dear Not Cheap:

A lot depends on the timing, so you may need to hold this idea until
earlier in December next year, but it works from now to eternity. Pick
a charity you care about. There’s a zillion needy and deserving non-
profits, all of which could/would make better use of whatever you
would contribute. Pick one or two, and tailor the note below
accordingly. Send to each and any on your “no gift” list, preferably in a
nice card.

Dear [Recipient]: As you know we live in a world of abundance than
many on the planet do not share at the level of material comfort we
enjoy. I thought about getting you any manner of beautiful clothing,
household décor, exotic condiment, or rare vintage. Instead I decided
to donate in your name to [organization]. They feed the hungry,
create shelter for the homeless, provide protection to refugees, etc
etc. I know you have a big heart and a generous soul, and will support
this choice that I am making on your behalf. If, for some reason, you
do not, please tell me, and let’s forever release one another from the
obligation of reciprocal gifting. Best wishes for the New Year. I hope it
is filled with all the blessings you deserve.

Single Homeowner

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Please don’t laugh. My contractor and I are turning to you the way the
two self-declared mothers turned to King Solomon. Whatever you say,
we will do. That’s true even if neither of us agrees with your advice,
because we can’t agree with one another. Here’s the scoop: Three
plus months ago I started a backyard remodel project. New retaining
walls and replacement decking. I told Ludwig (my contractor) my
budget. Along the way he suggested and I agreed to add-ons and
changes (primarily invisible and structural) and I decided on upgraded
materials (composite decking and natural stone). In addition, I started
adding a long list of “honey do” items to the list: everything from
putting in new toilets and upgrading electrical outlets to digging in
plants and fixing an outdoor water feature. He’s close to done and
refusing to accept more money from me. I feel about this guy the way
you would about your favorite brother. I don’t want him working for
free, which it sounds like he does for many other people. I want to be
able to call him again when I need him. But mostly I respect and
appreciate him and want to show it with money. I think I owe him
close to $1,500.

Single Homeowner

 
Dear Homeowner:

I’m no Solomon but I do have a simple solution. Buy him a hefty gift
card from your local version of Home Depot. I’m talking $500 or
something large and beguiling that no man who makes a living with
tools could resist. Every contractor I know has a garage full of toys
and a secret lust list for more of them. That ensures he will be repaid
for at least part of his time.

 
Put the gift card in a note card that says roughly, Ludwig: I cannot
repay all the wonderful things you have done for me. But I want to try.
Enclosed is a gift card for tools. Go play!! Also include a check for
$1,000. I cannot compel you to cash it now, but even if you do not, I
want you to keep it for lean times between jobs. That way I’ll know
you’re always going to be happy and healthy when I call you again,
which you know I will do when my honey-do list gets long enough
again. He may protest, and you cannot compel him to cash the check
now. But one day he will. That’s when you should call for him to do
more work for you again, unless you have a homeowner crisis sooner.
Guys like him are more valuable than gold. Congrats on finding him.

No More Fudge!!

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Every year my brother sends everyone in the family the same gift: a
box of bourbon-flavored fudge. It started when he moved to Kentucky.
The first year I thought it was a Southern food joke. But it’s become
annoying. I don’t like or eat the fudge. All my friends have had it re-
gifted to them. I’ve been forbidden to bring it to potlucks and gift
exchanges. It’s not that I need a different or better gift. But I hate
wasted money. If he really did want to send me some food there’s a
long list of things I would prefer, from fruit and cheese baskets to
something more esoteric. I’ve also taken up food preserving and
making everything from homebrew to kim chi, and would rather trade
specialty items than subsidize stores. Do I keep quiet or speak up?

No More Fudge!!

 
Dear No More:

Nothing beats honesty. People want their gifts appreciated, not
dreaded. Google to find out what he’s paying and then send him a
simple email. In it explain that you love him and love exchanging gifts.
But you’ve decided to be clear about what you do and don’t want to
share. Tell him that for the next few years you are proposing a
different gift exchange: everything from home-canned beer or
preserves to something re-gifted. Explain that you’d considered re-
gifting his last batch of fudge back to him, but that it seemed
unappreciative.

 
You can say that your family has changed its values around gifting,
given the life of plenty that you are living. Say you love him and want
to honor him so your gift to him is from your hands and heart, and
comes with only one condition: no more bourbon fudge. Say that if he
wants to gift you, you’re happy to have him donate to any of a list of
named charities, or send food from a similar list. But say you are
fudged out and ask him to respect that. The rest of the family can say
the same or eat fudge.

Got An Empty Yard

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a large and underutilized garden space in my backyard and a
large front yard that gets lots of sun. I have heard about the “grow
food not lawns” movement, and would like to figure out a way to offer
some space to a family or group that might benefit from the produce,
and maybe even who live in an apartment and might want to feel dirt
on their hands. Any ideas about how to locate such a family and what
kind of agreement to make with them?

Got An Empty Yard

 

 

Dear Empty Yard:

You have a full range of options. One is to hire a professional
landscaper and have that person put in a full garden for you, replete
with raised beds, berry bushes, and fruit trees. Then you could tend it
or find others to help you, in exchange for a share of the fruits and
veggies. Another is to locate a family through a sustainability network,
a local foods network, or a non-profit that assists families in need. You
can post a description of what is available, and what you want in
exchange. For example: Local homeowner with XxY square feet of
sunny garden space wants to help a family in a cooperative gardening
project. Please email me at name@youremailaddress.com if you are
interested in helping plant and maintain a garden space in exchange
for 2/3 of the produce. Homeowner will bear all costs of planting and
watering, in exchange for help with weeding and pre- and post-season
chores.

 
I would suggest some boundaries between the shared garden space
and your private backyard space. I’d keep access to the backyard
limited to times when you are at home and can supervise what is
going on. I’d also keep the yard locked, in part because you don’t want
your home to become vulnerable if less scrupulous people hear about
the access. You may make good new friends from this venture. And
you may find that a non-profit group wants to sponsor this activity, so
there’s a rotating cast of visitors. Your neighbors may be enthusiastic
and follow your model, or cautiously concerned. I’d alert them to your
plans to forestall criticism. Note: Check your community statutes to be
sure this plan is legal. There are a surprising number of regulations
about what you can do with your property.

Contest Mama

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Among the joys of coordinating fundraising our non-profit is dealing
with raffles. My team is a great set of hustlers. They canvassed the
local business community for prizes for our annual dance and raffle
and got forty, count them, forty prizes. They range in value from a cup
of coffee daily for a week to a three-day weekend at a vacation cabin.
The bad news is that we now have only fifteen days to run the raffle.
Our goal is to raise awareness of the organization and raising
attendance at the upcoming fundraiser: a summer formal ball we hold
under the full moon. One good thing: because one of our board
members owns the local FM station, we get lots of free airtime. How
can I use the donations well?

Contest Mama

 
Dear Contest Mama:

My gut says divide the prizes into two sections: some for the publicity
and others for the event. Rank them in value. Use the lesser half for
the publicity. Ask the radio station to announce the contest for a few
days first: entry free to all. I don’t know the per person cost of the
fundraiser dance, but consider having anyone who the radio contest
entered into a special drawing for a free pair of tickets to the dance.
Be sure each ad for the drawing and each pull of a name mentions the
name of the non-profit, its mission, info about the big event, plus your
website.

 
The radio contest can be answer a trivia question about your
community or organization, a simple pull the name out of a hat for
people who email in, or the __th caller after the announcer says dial,
with the prizes awarded one or two times a day starting now. Three
days before the event have a drawing for tickets, with participants
(other than call-in winners) having to enter on your website. Then give
the dance tix away with fanfare. The rest of the donations you can do
at a silent or live auction, or as a door prize pulling names out of a
hat.

Done?

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Every year I celebrate birthdays with three friends. Theirs are
December, January, and February. Mine is May. The gifts that we
exchange have gotten more moderate over the years but they’re still
in the $20-25 range, and used to be in good taste. Theirs certainly are
because it is during the end of year art and holiday sales. But by the
time my birthday comes around people feel partied out, gifted out, and
ready for summer, not for brunch schmooze. Last week I got a movie
gift card and two re-gifts, or at least one (that the friend had
complained about receiving in January) and the other was also
suspect. These are ld friends but I have less and less in common with
them. I still enjoy them one on one, sorta, but we all sat there pretty
quietly and when I drove away my mood was more relief than joy.

Done?

 
Dear Done:

You’re describing relationships that have run their course. It’s always
hard to let go of friends, especially because as we age there’s always a
fear that we may not meet new ones to replace them. But if you have
less and less to talk about, and don’t feel well loved or respected, it’s
time to re-evaluate your relationship.

 
Call them one at a time and ask to meet for coffee. Explain you have
some questions you’d rather discuss in person. If any of them does not
say yes, don’t bother dialing back; that’s enough information. For the
ones that do, have the kind of conversation you would with someone
you have dated for a long time and aren’t sure you want to continue
seeing. Explain that brunch felt flat and you want to have a
relationship conversation. You risk, btw, that the first will immediately
dial the others, so choose the one you care about the most as your
test case. Ask what your friend feels sustains and nourishes the
friendship. Then wait for an answer. It is always hard to do that,
especially if there is awkward silence. If you actually get into a
dialogue, explain that from now on you prefer to get together one-on-
one, and rather than spending money on semi-obligatory gifts you
would rather go to a show, or a walk, or a museum, or share an
activity where you’ll both interact and be engaged. Repeat this
exercise with each of them and see who picks up the phone and invites
you to play, or whom you are moved to call. Time will resolve this
pretty effectively.

Gifted

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m getting ready to retire and trying to budget. Before the holidays I
talked to all the folks in my extended family, many of whom are trying
to do the same – some from necessity and others from choice –about
not doing gifts in the traditional way. We talked about various options,
like limiting them to under $10, or re-gifting things we weren’t using,
recycling things we loved and knew others needed, donating to
charity, or anything other than spending hundred of dollars on
unwanted and unneeded more things.

 

It worked great.
Then, last week at synagogue, one of my newer friends, with whom I have
never exchanged anything, handed me a jewelry box. When I demurred she
insisted that I open it and inside was a pair of earring that have
nothing to do with my folksy style. I thanked her and put them on at
her insistence. But I am uncomfortable both with the gift and any
perceived sense of obligation.

Gifted

 
Dear Gifted:

You have a range of choices from full honesty and disclosure to polite
avoidance. Only you can decide what’s going to get you close to where
you want in this friendship, and whether this person gets different
rules than the folks you’ve known and loved for years. There seems
something askew to gift out of obligation rather than love. But you’ll
decide at least in part based on your knowledge of the friend. If she’s
the formal type and doesn’t see you wearing the earrings regularly in
public her feelings are going to be hurt no matter what. Ditto if you do
not gift her something, if not for the holidays then for, say, her
birthday.

 

But if you are genuinely trying to get off the merry-go- round
of gift buying and giving, you’re going to have to risk her disapproval.
My suggestion is to bring them with you, box and all, when you next
meet. Say you were very tempted to break your resolution for her,
since you are new friends. But that after much thought you have
decided to tell her what you should have said when she gave you the
gift: from now on you are not gifting blah blah blah. You can
acknowledge that her values are different than yours. And be sure to
praise the earrings. But say you would not feel comfortable keeping
them and that she should give them to someone who will be able to
enjoy them. You’ll know how the friendship is going by whether she
moves closer or further from you after the convo.

Loving Eldest

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My parents’ 50th wedding anniversary is this coming June. I want to do
something special and sentimental for them as a gift. My rich siblings
are going to send them on a cruise but I’m the underachieving English
major. Any ideas on what will wow them that money can’t buy?

Loving Eldest

 
Dear Loving Eldest:

I’m a sucker for sentiment, as are most folks who’ve been happily
married for fifty years. I think a memory book would be a lovely gift.
Think somewhere between a scrapbook and an online album. You can
decide later what media format works for you and your parents. My
choice would be to offer both a digital and a hard-copy formal for folks
who contribute, and for you to assemble an actual coffee table album
for them to browse through and have an online collection for folks near
and far. You could use FaceBook, or spotify.com, or others, where
people can submit pictures, text, even audio files. Browse the web and
see what works for your level of techno competence.

 
Don’t underestimate the logistical challenges. Start now by making
lists and a calendar. Think through the steps you’d need to complete
for content by early May, because you’ll need time to put it all
together. Identify those nearest and dearest to your folks. That can
include old friends, former colleagues, people from everywhere they
participate. Think synagogue, sports teams, bridge group, political or
volunteer organizations, etc. The biggest risk you face is that someone
will inadvertently spill the secret, so whenever (as in each and every
time) you contact folks make sure you have the words SSSSHHHHHH
– IT’S A SURPRISE!!! at the top and bottom of the request and
conversation.

 

Then offer various ways that people can contact you with
stories (maybe on your voicemail or by email), photos, or other
mementos of various aspects of your parents’ life and connection with
them. You can organize it chronologically or other creative ways. But
the most important thing is to make sure your parents know they are
well loved by people in every sector of their life. I suspect that this will
last longer in their hearts than a vacation.

Future Donor

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m in my 70s and reasonably well off. I don’t have family whom I feel
a need to subsidize with my assets after my demise. I’m not a Grinch,
but the meshpochah are well enough. I’ve begun thinking about death
more lately, after a brush with cancer. I am in remission and according
to my doctor I could have a long life. But I could also die a lot sooner
and all the money I have saved could be doing the needy some good. I
want to put my money where my mouth and votes have been going
for the last fifty years. I know that once I raise this issue with
everyone from my synagogue to non-profits that I will have to fend off
the planned giving managers. Do you have any pointers about how to
open the door without inviting a stampede?

Future Donor

 
Dear Donor:

This is a great time to talk to your attorney. That’s the only way your
wishes can be legally protected. You can call, ask, get information, and
indicate your wishes. But a legal document is your best protection that
they’ll be observed. Though even then, unless someone cares enough
to monitor and enforce, you have to assume you’re giving a gift to an
organization you trust.

 
Choosing wisely is an important first step. In a preliminary call to
every group you’d consider giving money to, ask for a meeting with a
planned giving rep. Ask what minimum makes it worth their time to
talk to you regarding possible conditions attached to bequests. Explain
you’re thinking of a donation in the $10-50K range. (I just made up
those numbers; adjust as needed.) Say you have specific opinions
about uses – e.g. direct assistance to those in need, a library fund,
social justice policy, whatever matters to you. Explain you still need
your money now, but that you’re happy to share once you’re gone.
Ask what guarantees they will give that your wishes will be honored
and a bequest will not disappear into a general use fund. Ask if they
have specific language for you to put into your will. Then narrow the
targets to make the money used most effectively. Kudos to you for
putting your assets where your heart is.

Fed Up

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have been a member of my congregation for ten years. I’ve always
paid dues, gone to services for yartzeits and High Holidays, and
attending things like the congregational Seder. Recently I was
recruited to work on a committee, and was both honored and
enthused. Now, six months in, I feel like a blindfold has been ripped
off my eyes and it is difficult to give cheerfully and without cynicism.
The chair of the committee organizes everything around her own
schedule, wastes half the time apologizing for being late and
unprepared, and much of the meeting time is spent figuring out how to
juggle the politics of big donors and their needs for public recognition.
That doesn’t begin to cover my annoyance and frustration. Do you
think it is possible to change a system that isn’t corrupt in a money
way but that feels morally bankrupt to me? If so, how?

Fed Up

 
Dear Fed Up:

My guess is that there are at least some other folks on the committee
who feel as you do. Anyone who has worked with a disorganized and
self-important person in charge of their life and time, whether it is at
work or as a volunteer, has faced similar discontent and frustration.
Sadly, plain speech is usually not well received and often gets one
discounted, shunned, or fired.

 
Here’s some suggestions that may seem like more work that you want,
but have the advantage of making it clear what is being done and not.
Volunteer to be the minute taker for the next six months. That allows
you to frame what has been said. End each set of minutes with a list of
action items, who&'s responsible for doing what by the next meeting,
and an agenda/date/and time that it will occur. If the meeting start
time comes and the chair is not there, ask the other attendees if they
are willing to start with the agenda. Those that say Yes are possible
allies. Offer to head a subcommittee for a topic you care deeply about.
Be willing to ask during a meeting what the criteria are for honors, if
they are clear to the rest of the congregation or just tacitly
understood, and if they are up for review or change. Have tea with the
likely allies and listen to their views. If necessary, ask how often the
chair rotates, but only if you are willing to wait out the transition and
put on that hat.

Choosing

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

The holidays are upon us again. It seems like it happens earlier and
earlier every year. I’m not a Grinch and not a cheapskate. But I feel
like one every time I lift a twenty-pound newspaper full of sale ads, or
when I list everyone (family, friends, work colleagues, newspaper boy)
who might expect a gift from me or who might give me one. Do you
have any good ideas on how to communicate my reluctance to spend
scarce resources on consumables at a time when so many people are
suffering from income inequity and real financial distress? Thankfully I
am not among them but I feel much more of a responsibility to help
the needy than to gift the entitled. I and everyone I know are among
the 99%. How can I raise consciousness above credit card balances?

Choosing

 
Dear Choosing:

It’s not too early to start communicating your preference for non-
gifting. Whenever you’re in a conversation about the holidays, tell
people that you’re not doing any traditional gifting this year. Any.
Explain that the politics of the day have made you realize that you
want to use the holidays to share ideas more than stuff. Ask anyone
whom you might think might gift you to do the same, or risk feeling
that they’ve spent their money on the wrong person.

 
Put your energy into list making, with a cover letter. The cover letter
should explain your philosophy of the season. You can wrap it in a nice
card, and accompany it with anything from a gourmet chocolate bar to
a little fine tea, something that costs less than $5 per person. The lists
can be: lists of charities to which you’ve donated the money you would
otherwise have spent on gifts; or great books you’ve read and/or
movies or music you’ve encountered during the year that touched you
in some way; or names of organizations in your community that need
volunteers. Say you hope they’ll understand your choice and perhaps
even emulate it in the future. End by inviting them to participate in a
one-day action helping a specific local charity. They may not
understand or participate. But you’ll be walking your talk.