Category Archives: Finances & Giving

Renting to Own

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Years ago I bought a house as an investment with a good friend. I’ve
lived there for the past fifteen years, and we have used the rental
income from the downstairs unit to reduce our principal payment. Now
he wants out and a different friend has offered to buy his portion, but
only if I agree to a big set of deferred maintenance. It will cost me
about $10K out of pocket (actually out of retirement savings) but the
alternative is having to sell my home and start over. I have agreed to
kick in the money if we can agree on the list of repairs, some of which
I know need to be done but some of which seem unnecessary and
ambitious. Some are cosmetic, some are structural, and some would
make it more modern for future resale. But I am only 65 and would
prefer to live here till the ends of my days. I’m appreciative, and I
don’t mind putting up with tenants below me, even noisy ones, but I
do want security. Ideas on how to talk to her?

Renting to Own

 
Dear Renting:

If your name is on the deed you are renting from yourself and the
bank, not from a landlord. But co-investing, co-owning, co-occupying,
and co-planning are not always the same thing. You don’t say if you
had a set of understanding and agreements with the original friend
when you bought the place. But now is the perfect time to lay them
out with the friend who wants to buy in. Note than any relationship
that does not have financial equity built into it is already unbalanced.
The point of the agreements is to have a level playing field. And just
like any new work or relationship situation, the earlier you can agree
on the rules the better. If she wants to recoup her money sooner than
you want to move, finding out sooner is critical.

 
Sit down with the new investor and make lists. Cash flow projections,
lists of needed repairs with estimates (even machete level ideas, times
$1.5 because construction always costs more), and agreements on
style. The latter is important because, for example, a new granite
countertop will cost you a whole lot more than wood or linoleum. Ditto
paint versus wallpaper or tile. Try to ascertain how much “artistic
control” your new co-investor will want. If you have a budget, then tell
her what it is and make it clear where your money is coming from and
that it is limited. Build into your agreement a condition that sale
requires the consent of both parties, as do repairs and improvements
that cost more than $X thousand. Then rank the needed repairs and
practice negotiating. It may take you a while to find agreement, but
the investment in communication is worth it.

Mom and Wife

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I was raised Jewish-ish by a single mother who was more of a new-age
hippie Buddhist pantheist than a practicing Jew. Surprisingly I married
a man who is far more devout than I am and have grown to love
keeping a kosher house and all the rituals of the seasons. This year for
Chanukah my mother sent our three children three books, for them to
share with one another and with us. Two were spiritual books about
astrophysics, which didn’t bother my husband at all, as he works in the
sciences, and often quotes Einstein to prove that God and science are
not incompatible. But the third book was a collection of Buddhist
bedtime stories. I recognize that my mother (who is good-hearted
even if she doesn’t totally understand my life choices) does not mean
to offend, but my husband sees is as undermining their faith. They are
11, 8, and 5, so still very much malleable in their learning. What
should I do with this book?

Mom and Wife

 
Dear Mom and Wife:

What a wonderful gift of a learning opportunity your mother gave your
family! The world is filled with people who are devout members of
religions other than Judaism. For your children to be raised in a bubble
without knowing that, or understanding that other religions offer their
adherents many of the same values, rituals, comforts, and emotional
sustenance as Judaism would be a horrible disservice to them. Surely
even your husband has to negotiate multiculturalism in his workplace,
and has learned to treat others with the same respect he wishes to
receive.

 
I would use the stories as teaching moments for the family, with or
without your husband’s participation. Among my favorite memories
from childhood is talking and sharing with my mother while we cleaned
up after dinner. Perhaps have the older two rotate reading the stories
a few nights a week. Then talk about what they are about in terms of
values such as compassion and generosity. Then compare those values
to Jewish teachings such as goodness and tzedakah. Focus on what is
best in each religion and what unites us as people instead of what
divides us. If Jews and Buddhists cannot do this there is not much
hope for the planet. And thank your mother for her thoughtful gift,
telling her it’s a teachable moment for everyone including your hubby.

Fair, Not Cheap

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

What’s a fair way to deal with money sharing in a reasonably large
group? I served on a committee at the temple for about a year. We
had many many meetings. Frequently I brought snacks, as did a few
of the other people. Nothing fancy, but the kind of nibble that makes a
meeting that lasts too close to dinnertime go a little faster. We had
two potlucks, and everyone brought food. When our service was over
we went to a restaurant to celebrate. It was not a cheap place, so I
and several of the other people ordered sparingly, everything from just
a salad to a couple appetizers. Other members had full course meals.
About half the people had wine. Not one but two bottles! I didn’t drink.
At the end the committee chair said, “Why don’t we just split the bill
equally?” I was sitting next to her and said quietly, “Why don’t people
kick in their share, with the drinkers paying for the wine.” She ignored
me. I heard one of the other people say, not quietly, “That’s the most
expensive salad I ever ate,” as she plunked in her $35. I didn’t want to
seem cheap so I did the same. It’s over and done, but I still feel
uncomfortable. Is it too late to say anything? Should I have done
something differently then?

Fair, Not Cheap

 
Dear Fair:

It’s always best to establish rules about money upfront. After the
event is far too late to say or do anything, because no one is going to
redress imbalances measured in fives and tens.

In the future I would suggest the following: Before people order, ask
the chair, in front of everyone else, Is the temple paying for this or are
we? Assuming the answer is that members will pay, and then ask up
front, Are we going to pay our own way or just split the check? That’s
the time to say, for example, I have a dollar limit, or I don’t want to
drink any alcohol, or something that creates an understanding among
others that you don’t expect to be a free rider and hope they do not
also. My guess is that some people on your committee have lots more
money than others. Those that do sometimes forget that those with
less watch their money more carefully and have different priorities for
how they spend it. A reminder never hurts, but the timing matters, a
lot.

Ticked Off

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My neighbor and I have shared hourly yard workers for years. No
matter who finds them among students, clients, employees, children of
relatives and friends, etc, we have agreed on what hourly rate to pay
and cooperated on schedules. The last regular gal we had was
amazing, but finally got a teaching job so we both fell behind during
fall and winter. My neighbor found someone new who is not as good
but needs the work and money. I had her scheduled to come on
Sunday, but my neighbor slid in ahead of me for two hours of heavy
lifting of rocks and soil, so by the time the gal got to my place she was
tired, dehydrated, and hungry. I fed her and she worked a paltry 1.5
hours, which barely made a dent in the mess. I’m frustrated with both
of them, especially because it’s my birthday week and I am
entertaining. What should I say to whom?

Ticked Off

 
Dear Ticked Off:

You should speak to both of them simply and clearly.
To the yard worker you should be very clear: I made a plan with you. I
was clear about how much work I had. If you had extra time you
should have called me to see if I wanted you to start earlier or work
longer before you made other commitments. I still want you to work
for me, but I want us on the same page about what you are saying yes
to and what I can count on. I’m past being angry but I do want to
know we agree.

 
To your neighbor: I know you found [worker name] so you probably
feel you have a proprietary interest in her and maybe even the rights
to first place in line. But I’d made a plan for Sunday and what you did
made it difficult for me to even make a dent in my weeds. I need at
least xyz hours of her time in the next few weeks. Can you wait to hire
her again, or at least consult with me before you do? [Pause to listen
to excuses.] Thanks for letting me know before she comes back to
your place.

In the Middle

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Long complicated story much shorter: I used a contractor last year for
a major remodel. Call him Nathan. This past winter my friend Beth and
her husband Mark needed a new deck and walkway done. Nathan gave
them an estimate but was very clear he couldn’t pin down total cost
until he tore off the old one and saw if there was any dry-rot to the
supports, etc. They went ahead and used him. He told me he really
liked Beth but that Mark was a pain in the patootie and kept asking
him do to “just one more thing” several times. He failed to say, That’s
an add-on” or “That’ll cost more.” And just did the work. He told me
that he did about $1500 in extra labor, but when he told them that at
the end of the project, Mark would not pay him. He sounded very dark
about Mark’s recent vacation and Mark’s new car. I was horrified, and
said, I’ll talk to Beth. He said he had no hard feelings with her and it
was “water under the bridge” and that he has “moved on.” I think he
does not want me to bring it up. But Beth and I used to be close, and
even though we don’t see each other very often now, I feel somewhat
responsible for Nathan not getting paid. Should I shut up or speak to
her? PS a mutual friend says this is a pattern of Mark’s, schnorring
even people he knows far better.

In the Middle

 
Dear In the Middle:

You’re bearing guilt that you are not going to be able to easily get rid
of. Ultimately it was Nathan’s responsibility to say something at the
time like, That’s an add-on. or That’s work that’s outside the scope of
what we discussed. It’ll cost approximately $xyz more, at an hourly of
$xy. Ideally to protect both homeowner and contractor, there should
have been a written bid, or at least an estimate, with terms about
payment for materials and the hourly rate documented. As well as the
initial scope of the work. In the absence of either an original and/or an
amended description, Mark may feel as right as you do on Nathan’s
behalf.

 

 

If the friendship matters to you, you have two choices. One: move
past it without saying anything to Beth, because Nathan seems to
have done so. Or, two, say something because it is bothering you,
without having any expectation that the situation will change. The
latter is more troublesome, because you are transferring your angst
onto their relationship. If you do say something, limit it to what you
know directly, not what you have been told about other situations. But
don’t expect to be satisfied by the convo.

Free, For Now

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I lived with my ex for twelve years after a long engagement. It took
me far too long to extricate myself from the marriage. Fortunately the
house had always been in my name and he did not contest ownership,
even though I had built him a small cottage on my property so we
wouldn’t be under the same roof every day. I have ten acres of
country property, so there were advantages to having someone else to
feed the pets and help out with property care. But I have loved living
on my own.

 

Now my contractor has asked if he can build an eco-
friendly model cottage on a different part of my property, and use it
for marketing as an example of what he could build for others. He
doesn’t have any land of his own to build it on, and says I could use it
as I please, unless he is showing it, assuming I pay for materials. All
his labor is free. I like the benefits, but am wary of having strangers
coming in and out of my place on someone else’s schedule. Is this just
a bad idea?

Free, For Now

 
Dear Free, For Now:

This is an issue that requires a contract. Repeat: c.o.n.t.r.a.c.t.
Without a written agreement about who is responsible for what, and
who has access when, this is a scenario that has catastrophe written
all over it. The saying “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” came
about for a reason. You may hope for the best but that will be a very
thin layer of protection if or when things unravel.

 
Before you agree to the cottage, ask yourself what benefits you will
gain. For example you might like another guest cottage, or art studio,
or have another use for it. All good. Ask what you would be willing to
pay for that benefit without the contractor involved and what the offset
is worth. Think not only in dollars, but also in terms of privacy,
schedules, and generalized aggravation. Then think about ways to
protect yourself. Will there be a time limit on this, as in how long does
he have access, or how often and when? A budget cap, so that if the
project runs over his original bid (very common, assume 30%) you are
protected? Will he commit that no one will sleep there, including him?
To have a lock-box like a for-sale house would, and to get your sign
off on scheduling? Those are a paltry few of the things to consider. You
may be friends with your contractor now. But to ensure this remains
good, be sure to build a quit-claim clause in that keeps things explicit.
The money you spend on a lawyer now will save you grief later.

Thanks, But No

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I have a friend who keeps giving
me her hand-me- downs like she is doing me a big favor. I’m not sure
where she got the idea that I admired her taste, which I most certainly
do not, though I do politely tell her that I like whatever new purchase
she is modeling when we get together. This is, btw, a woman who
proudly tells me “I don’t like to shop” but who manages not to wear
the same thing twice in a season. For my birthday, she gave me, gift-
wrapped no less!!, a box of “gently worn” duds that she said I had
admired. I managed to swallow my horror and surprise and said
“Thanks but I’m in giving-away mode, so perhaps you should donate
these to a women’s charity.” I know she means well, but this feels
both awkward and inappropriate. Do you have a gentle way to forestall
what I fear is coming my way again in December?

Thanks, But No

 
Dear Thanks, But:

Asking if you want a no-longer- needed item is considerate. Gift-
wrapping it is rude and/or a very bad joke. Either way, unless it is
something you have truly coveted, the appropriate response is Thanks,
but No thanks. Women I know who are in acquisition and/or shedding
mode have made an annual clothing exchange party for people to
bring their out-grown, under-worn, and otherwise no-longer- wanted
attire. All the residual clothing, jewelry, and accessories are donated to
local women’s organizations that help people in transition who are
homeless or who might need professional attire they could not
otherwise afford.

 
If you suspect this person is planning to “gift” you again for Hanukah,
make it a non-event by telling her how you are culling your clothes
down to the essentials as part of a self-improvement program. You
could, in your nicest possible voice, say If you’re interested in
anything….., but only if you can keep a straight face.

Aggravated

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I feel ripped off by a contractor. For years I’ve been wanting to retile
my kitchen. I spent a lot of time picking the product and worked with
the sales person at a high-end store to identify people who were good.
Of the three she recommended (him number one) I liked him the best,
even though his bid was a hundred dollars more than the lowest. I had
confidence in him; his schedule worked well with mine and he seemed
prompt and reliable. Because of the product I chose it has an informal
look (beach tiles in multi hues). But some of the pieces were clearly
deformed and of course ended up right where my eye falls naturally
near my toaster and coffee-maker. I feel he should not have used
them, as he left me with a full extra sheet. He also charged me $100
for shipping that hadn’t been on his original bid. The irony is that he
did the work six weeks after we ordered the product so clearly there
was no need for the extra shipping cost, but since I wanted him to
come back and fix the flaws, as he said he would, I paid it. Ten weeks
later has not responded to my voicemail or email, so I’m just feeling
especially angry. Do I have any redress?

Aggravated

 
Dear Aggravated:

Continue to haunt him, though there’s no guarantee that if he does the
work over, he’ll do it any better than he did it the first time. Send a
written complaint to the store about his lack of responsiveness. Be
very explicit about your attempts to call and contact him. You might
talk first to the sales person who helped you and who recommended
him. Say how disappointed you were, how ripped off you feel, and that
you feel that it is inappropriate for you to have had to pay more
money for shipping. Say you think this reflects on the store as well
and that unless she can get you satisfaction by having him at least
replace to your satisfaction you’ll be passing a negative review onto
Yelp and your friends about him and the store.

 

In future, when dealing with any kind of contractor, be very explicit
about the difference between an estimate, a bid, and a contract. If the
price document includes “not to exceed $xyz without signed written
consent of both parties” you have some greater protection. In this
case you got held hostage and it’s harder to play catch-up.

Not A Grinch

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m part of a circle of friends who’ve traded holiday gifts for decades.
Eventually we stopped giving them to all the children too, but it would
feel very strange, even socially uncomfortable, to skip Hanukah gifts
for the core friends. This summer I gently suggested donating our gift
money as tzedakah instead; I could see the “Grinch” tag aimed my
way. These are people who need not one thing. They’re all downsizing:
from purging their closets of work clothes after to retiring to moving
into a condo. Even at the risk of social stigma, I feel torn between
sending an email saying, In your honor I have made a Hanukah
donation to [our synagogue or some non-profit] and buying some silly
token gift to demonstrate that we should have outgrown this ritual.
You want a vote?

Not A Grinch

 
Dear Not A Grinch:

There are so many people who are in true need that spending any
money at all on useless consumerism feels more wasteful than silly. If
I ran your world, I’d stick with your tzedakah plan for half of your
budget and organize a group excursion (as in “the gift of a collective
experience”) with the other half.

 
Start with an email that says roughly, I know we’re all downsizing, so I
have decided not to gift “things” this Hanukah. But I love you all and
want to honor the depth and duration of our friendship. In our
collective names I have made a donation to [insert name of Jewish
organization that serves the needy, say Jewish Federation]. I’m also
proposing that we pool our resources and start a new annual holiday
tradition of an excursion to somewhere wonderful, for example,
theater tickets or a day trip to somewhere fun. Let’s find new ways to
make the world and our psyches better. There may be some grumbling
about Grinch-iness, but your true friends won’t tell you about it.

Luddite

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a close friend who has asked me a favor I am not comfortable
granting. We refer to ourselves as “twin sisters separated at birth”
even though we are twelve years different in age, and equally so in
size and coloring. We do favors for one another all the time. For
examples, she does my taxes and I edit her son’s scholarship essays. I
am single and pay (through the nose!!!) for upscale cable stations.
She and her husband both earn four times what I do in retirement
income.

They have decided to drop their cable subscription. She
offered me $100 (not even a month’s cost to me) for me to give her
my login and password info so they can log in to see favorite shows.
Note: my password is lost but everything works!! I hate calling to
change because it takes forever to set things up again. I resent paying
the same that a family of five might, so I am not concerned with the
financial ethics and the company allows more simultaneous use than I
could do. But I hate the hassle of password changes and this kind of
technological hassle. What should I say?

Luddite

 
Dear Luddite:

I will suspend judgment on the moral and legal elasticity of your
financial ethics and focus on the relationship between you and your
friend. You need the transaction to feel fair for you, not just to be left
feeling that you are being used for her benefit. That’s fair to ask. Yes,
friends help friends. But if it occurs in a way that feels unbalanced, the
friendship could erode later. Even sisters fight and disagree.

 
Tell her you have two conditions for helping her. The first is simple.
She has to come to your house and be the person on the
speakerphone (so you can answer things she might not know) when
you call customer service for the password. That alone could take an
hour. If it changes she needs to do all the techno work on your tv’s
and devices so they all work as well after the password change as they
did before. Second, she needs to pay you a monthly amount that
seems fair to you, perhaps half the TV portion of your bill. The details
don’t matter as much as avoiding a lingering sense of financial inequity
between you. Good friends can talk about money. Friends that don’t
might not stay as close.

Holding Zone

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I bought a house that was very undervalued because it needed about
$50K of work. I managed to get a set of short-term bridge loans, and
an agreement from a mortgage broker that if I made all the needed
repairs (various aspects of siding, roof, foundation, plumbing, floors;
yeah I know!) by December 10, that I could qualify for a traditional
mortgage that would be large enough to pay back all the intermediate
loans, give me capital to finish the remaining house projects, and a
monthly rate I can afford. I need to make this deadline!!! The man
who was commissioned to complete all the cabinets (kitchen bath,
laundry, plus) swears he will have everything done within ten days.
That leaves me down to the wire re getting in flooring and
countertops. I need him to be on time! Is there some magic leverage
you know of to make a contractor keep to their word?

Holding Zone

 
Dear Holding Zone:

The time to exert leverage is when you are negotiating, not after the
fact. You can try this idea retroactively, but next time build it into your
contract, as in bid not estimate. The word difference is huge in the
trades. You should always try to have a written bid with all verbal
agreements noted in them.

In get folks to meet deadlines, be sure to have a penalty percent built
into the agreement. X% less pay if the work is delivered y days or
week late. Some people may not sign such a contract. Others may
give you shoddier work. Only you can evaluate the relative merits of
those risks. At this point in the process I would go the other way. Offer
an incentive (probably cash not cookies) for on-time delivery.

Not Cheap But Not Feeling All Too Obligated Either

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

What’s etiquette for people you feel obligated to give a gift to, but
neither particularly like, nor want to spend a lot of money on? Most of
them make more than we do, and I am comfortable. I also hate waste.

Not Cheap But Not Feeling All Too Obligated Either

 
Dear Not Cheap:

A lot depends on the timing, so you may need to hold this idea until
earlier in December next year, but it works from now to eternity. Pick
a charity you care about. There’s a zillion needy and deserving non-
profits, all of which could/would make better use of whatever you
would contribute. Pick one or two, and tailor the note below
accordingly. Send to each and any on your “no gift” list, preferably in a
nice card.

Dear [Recipient]: As you know we live in a world of abundance than
many on the planet do not share at the level of material comfort we
enjoy. I thought about getting you any manner of beautiful clothing,
household décor, exotic condiment, or rare vintage. Instead I decided
to donate in your name to [organization]. They feed the hungry,
create shelter for the homeless, provide protection to refugees, etc
etc. I know you have a big heart and a generous soul, and will support
this choice that I am making on your behalf. If, for some reason, you
do not, please tell me, and let’s forever release one another from the
obligation of reciprocal gifting. Best wishes for the New Year. I hope it
is filled with all the blessings you deserve.

Consulting to the Consultant

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I contracted to write a speech for someone I know professionally, He
was asked to be the keynoter at a professional association five weeks
out. While he is funny and charming, he is neither a good writer nor an
organized thinker. I asked what it was worth and he named a
surprisingly large number. He can afford it and I could use the money.
We agreed on a timeline and what our roles would be. I asked him
some questions, sent him to some links for the White House
Correspondents’ Dinner videos so he could study and add some polish
to his delivery, and took two weeks to produce a very fine draft,
something that he could have simply taken as is, learned, and looked
good delivering. That’s all assuming he actually looked at it before the
night of the event. I billed him two-thirds of the fee when I gave him
the draft. The rest of what I did was buying/assembling some props,
asking him regularly if he had read and edited the draft or had
revisions/a second draft for me etc. You can write the end of this
story: He stumbled through my draft with minor changes that left
people confused, though people said the right things afterwards
because he’s a good person to work with. What, if anything, should I
charge him?

Consulting to the Consultant

 
Dear Consulting:

Send him an email that goes roughly as follows: Dear [Name]:
Congrats on the speech the other night. You did great! I’m sure it
would have been even better with some edits and polish, but given
how busy you have been, you really pulled it off. I heard folks saying
what a good speech it was. We had agreed on $x for a fee but I
wasn’t able to earn it all because of the time crunch at the end. I laid
out $y for props. Please send me a check for what the value of my
contribution, minus your down payment. Holler if you need more
writing/editing in the future.

 
That suggests he owes you something more but relies on his
generosity and appreciation to collect. If he truly values your input, he
will pay you a hefty amount of the difference, or risk foregoing access
in times to come.

Treading Carefully

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

A friend’s son is selling insurance. He’s new at it but is a charming kid
with the gift of schmooze, so in his first year he won a company-
sponsored vacation, which means he’s among the 100 best in the US.
I like him but am happy with my current insurance, so I asked him to
quote on long-term care, warning him up front that I wasn’t sure if I
would buy it. We agreed that the interview process would be good for
him and my eventual acceptance or rejection on medical grounds
would be informative for me. Surprisingly (I am a diabetic on high
blood pressure meds), I was approved. Now I’m dealing with a ticking
clock (30 days to sign and bind) and policy language that would choke
even an attorney. I know because I passed the contract to my lawyer
brother, who identified some very bad (for me) clauses, depending on
how they’re interpreted. I’ve also been told by several people of a
better company, though they are a little more expensive. I don’t want
to lose the friendship, but this decision is in $4-6K annual range for
me, so I am not undertaking it lightly.

Treading Carefully

 
Dear Treading:

Among the most important things to remember when buying insurance
is that the salesperson is neither the underwriter nor automatically
your advocate in a claims situation. When you buy car insurance,
your agent’s number is generally on your proof of insurance, but
bodies are different. So while I’m happy that your friend‘s son is both
a good kid and a success, the devil is in the details. You will need to
get down into the weeds of the policy language before you make this
decision.

 
Here’s an illustrative, but by no means definitive, list of issues to
consider. How many hours a day of care are you paying for? Usually
policies are denominated in dollars per day but you can translate that
into a percent of a day. Do you want to ensure twelve hours a day?
More? Less? Does the policy have an inflation rider? Depending on
your age that alone could be the most important question. Today’s
dollars and dollars when you’re in your 70’s/80’s are not worth the
same. Will it allow you to choose care at home or only in an
institution? Who decides who the provider is? If your
spouse/partner/fried were a certified caregiver, would you have that
choice, or must you go through a company? Who decides on the care
plan? If you are paying for, say twelve hours a day of care, but only
use six, is the monthly benefit reduced by 1/30 th for a day’s care or
1/60th? Can the company change policy language without your
approval after you’ve signed ? Can they raise rates: how often and
how much? What’re your options if they do? What if you pay the
premiums and die suddenly without using care, or have only used a
small portion of your benefits pool; what happens to the rest of the
money in your account?

 
That’s a fraction of the issues involved. Work to ask for changes to the
language, and be careful that it be signed by a company rep who is
legally allowed to do so (not the sales kid). The clock may be ticking,
but if you qualified you might do so again with this company or with
another. Don’t throw away your money on the wrong insurance. All of
that said, everyone I know who has had parents with long-term care
insurance has praised its value.

Itchy Fingers

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Among the happiest memories of my childhood was playing the piano.
It was my refuge in an otherwise dysfunctional and sexual abusive
family. I survived several equally abusive piano teachers until I found
the man who mentored me back to health and creativity, inspiring me
to get a degree in teaching and become an educator. With a busy life
of work and parenting, I slowly lost contact with the instrument,
though not my love of music. But as I developed happier things in life
I didn’t need it as a crutch. Now I am close to retirement and want to
but a new piano. I lost my old piano in a house fire ten years ago and
we haven’t had the money until now to buy a good instrument. As I
look for used pianos for sale in the local area I am seeing everything
from $100 garage sale beat-up uprights to $11,000 Steinways. I want
something good but I am so out of practice that I’m not sure I’ll be
able to tell what’s the right one. But I’m ready to return to the
keyboard.

Itchy Fingers

 
Dear Itchy Fingers:

I have several suggestions, both financial and aesthetic. Money’s easy:
set a budget of what’s your absolute upper limit. It can be $1,000,
$5,000, or $10,000, but whatever you decide is your max, stick to it.
Aesthetics is harder, but trust your gut and your ear to work together.
To remember how to play, choose a piece of music you have always
loved, say Moonlight Sonata and use that as your piano audition piece.
For every piano you try out, stick to the same music. You might even
consider renting a piano for a month or two before you start looking at
pianos to buy, just to get your hands back in practice.

 
Also, for a wonderful story, Google keywords Noah Adams + piano
lessons. I heard it on NPR eons ago when I started to learn piano as
an adult. It’s the story of his desire to surprise his wife for a special
anniversary with a candle-lit, rose-in- a-vase, rendition of a romantic
Schumann sonata. He goes on a search for the right piano, from
Steinways to junkyard finds. The book Piano Lessons would be a
wonderful place for you to start your own search. I suspect it will
inform it greatly. You’ll know your piano when you hear it.