Category Archives: Dieting

Heelllllppppp

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
Okay the new year is here. Diet time. Health and exercise time. No
more platters of treats at the office. No more parties and potlucks with
everyone’s favorite ways of packing sugar, fat, salt and everything else
that tastes good and has landed on my butt and thighs. But I am out
of the habit of saying No to myself. I have been eating freely since
before Thanksgiving and I simply don’t think I have an off switch any
longer. Do I go cold turkey, try to slow down and ease my way into
rational eating, or just bite the bullet and join a gym and go every day
after work?
Heelllllppppp

 
Dear Helllppp:
There’s many platitudes about dieting that all turn out to be true,
some from mothers of many generations, and some from places like
Weight Watchers. Here’s a few: The best diet is any one that you will
stick with. Eat less and move more. Nothing tastes as good as being
thin feels.

 
All of which said, here’s some simple tips: Focus your life around real
food, live food, whole food like vegetables and fruit. Eat a salad for
lunch and for dinner. Make dessert equal fruit. Focus on whole grains
instead of simple carbohydrates. Avoid anything processed. If there’s
more than three ingredients or if you cannot pronounce any of them,
don’t buy it or put it in your mouth. Allow yourself an occasional treat,
but agree ahead of time what and how big it is. Limit daily intake to a
reasonable number of calories. Speaking of which, count them, by
hand or with a phone or computer app. move more. Walk every day at
least 30 minutes, and make sure that you go faster/further each day.
Going gluten free may net faster results. No matter what, make sure
you commit to a solid month of withdrawing permission about what
you put in your mouth. Remember how to say No. Last and most
important, if you screw up a particular meal, don’t write off the rest of
the day; eat healthier the next meal.

 
Yes you’ve fallen, but you are redeemable. When you start to feel
better you’ll be even more enthused about staying on program.

Bleccch

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
For the last ten years my neighbor and I have done food trades. She
used to be an excellent cook, better than I am, though I have
improved a lot over the past few years. This system has worked really
well because I am single but don’t want to bother cutting recipes down
and don’t want to get sick of what I make. Her kids have moved away
so it’s just her and her husband, with a lifetime of habits of cooking for
five.

 

We generally eat the same types of food, though there are
various things we each like that the other doesn’t. But a portion or two
of soup or casserole during the week that I didn’t have to make myself
has been the perfect solution to workday lunches and dinners. Here’s
the rub: her cooking has declined so much that it’s not only below par
but sometimes just inedible. I don’t know if her husband can tell the
difference. But I can. How can I gently communicate the decline or
extract myself from the arrangement?
Bleccch

 
Dear Blecch:
You can try to remedy the situation or you can try to extract yourself
completely. It’s a little dicier to try and fix it and then to end it later,
but given that this is a neighbor with whom you clearly have a
friendship and a long-term relationship, it’s worth the try. It’s
definitely a situation where I would not lead with complete honesty or
directness.

 
Invite her for tea and tell her you want to talk recipes and plan what
you eat more consciously. You can plead health reasons or the need to
be on a new food program. But say you’d like to agree on which
recipes you’ll be using because you are trying to stick carefully to
counting [insert as many of these as are true: calories, carbs, sodium,
whatever]. If she says yes, you can hope she follows directions when
she cooks. If she says its too much work, say you want to suspend the
trade until you [lose weight, get your blood test numbers down, etc].

 

Note: I’d counsel an oblique approach, dealing only with the wife, not
the husband. Unless he approaches you directly to say she has a
serious illness, and he’s worried about her, keep conversations with
him casual and neighborly. If he does say she’s ill, say you’ll cook for
her but you want to diminish any perceived source of stress and that
she should turn off the burners.

Pious as I Can Be

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I’m diabetic. It doesn’t impact my life a lot, as it is controlled by diet
and exercise. It could be better controlled if I would diet or exercise
more, but I managed to avoid insulin for 15 years and still have hopes
(fantasies) or getting off my oral meds. I spent Yom Kippur at
synagogue almost all day. But when I got home from services at 2:30
in the afternoon my blood sugar was dangerously low. I had a cup of
chicken broth then, and right before I went back for the evening
services. One of the women from the Sisterhood was sitting next to
me, and asked in a very loud voice, “Have you been eating?!” I was so
flustered and embarrassed that I think I made things worse by saying
Sssshhh, instead of something like “Mind your own business,” or “I’m
diabetic.” Now she’s playing holier than thou with me among the other
sisterhood members. What can or should I do, or is saying nothing the
best way of letting her rudeness be clear to everyone?
Pious as I Can Be

 
Dear Pious:
First of, you’re right: she’s a rude, inconsiderate busybody. Your
health status, and for that matter, the status of your piety, are no
one’s business but your own. That may be true, but you still have a PR
problem. Though it’s not of your own making, it’s one you can solve.
While it’d be nice to stick a spike in her directly, I’ll assume you are
not friendless. Easiest is to tell your best friend what happened
(assuming she hasn’t already heard) and enlist her to be your
mouthpiece. Have her tell two other women how insensitive she thinks
the busybody is for meddling in your private medical affairs. Be sure
she stresses what good person you are, how much you contribute to
the community, and how hard you try to keep not only
commandments but also the mitzvoth. Have her remind them, and ask
them to remind her, that gossip is considered a very powerful
manifestation of not only bad social behavior but considered an “evil
inclination,” because something once heard cannot be retracted. You’ll                         know you succeeded when she apologizes. It’ll likely be insincere, but
you should smile and accept it.

Changing

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I have several friends I eat out with. For years we’ve split the bill
evenly. Last year I changed my eating habits, and now often order a
few appetizers rather than a full course meal. Lately I’ve stopped
drinking wine, which virtually all my friends do on the weekend. I
haven’t said anything about changing the money rules, even though
it’s cost me at least a couple bucks each time it’s happened. Then last
night, when I ordered a dessert coffee, my friend who’d had a glass of
wine said, Your coffee was a little more but let’s just split it. I was so
stunned I kept my mouth shut. Is it too late to say something? How do
I not look cheap?
Changing

 
Dear Changing:
One of the side effects of changing any part of your life is getting to
watch how it spills over into other areas of your life. It sounds like the
changes you are making will benefit your health, as well as your
wallet. But to keep your relationships with your friends unchanged will
be a trickier act. I’d recommend a simple conversation with each,
saying in essence, For years we’ve split the tab without worrying about
who ate or drank more, assuming it would all iron out in the end. Do
you want to continue doing that? My diet is changing and I cannot
predict if what I order will cost more or less than you. I’m comfortable
with a machete level split, or for whoever’s meal cost more to ante up
more of a tip. But it seemed like a time to be sure we’re on the same
page.

 
The benefit of this kind of reality check is that each of you has a
chance to clear the air about any inequity, perceived or real. It’s
always interesting, in a dispassionate mood, to see how those line up,
assuming each is honest. Your preference for splitting does not, btw,
have to be the same for all parties. Don’t forget you too get to say,
You always drink lots more than me, and it costs more, so I’d rather
split based on what we order. That’s not cheap; it’s prudent.