Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Please help me survive the breakup of the relationship I thought I’d be
in until death did us part. We’d been together twelve years and I
thought we had everything: from a beautiful home to a great spiritual
and emotional life. Admittedly there were some issues that made me
think we were drifting apart, but we both said we were working on
them. He came home last week and told me he had fallen in love with
someone else, was moving out, that we were done, as in D.O.N.E.,
and that any further communication would be through his attorney. I
am not really worried about the financial aspects of this, though we
are very entangled, and thankfully there are no children to damage.
But my world has been turned upside down overnight and I cannot
seem to find any purchase. All I can do is weep. I go to work, come
home, eat a little, watch mindless TV, and crawl into bed with a glass
of something strong to knock me out. I don’t know which way to turn.
And that the world is bright and sunny seems to mock my gloomy
tragic life.

DONE/Undone

 
Dear Undone:
The first things to realize are that this period of your life will not be
pleasant and will last far longer than you want it to. It may seem
interminable but it will not be. And, as unpleasant as it may be, it will
end and you will be okay on the other side. You need to get some help
to get through it. You do not have to survive it alone or with alcohol as
your only friend. Focus on building a support network to shore you up
in the short-run that will also help you crawl out of your hole in the
long run.

 
Things to do: Get yourself a divorce attorney and let him/her educate
you and handle communication. No sense running into a sharp stick
more often than you need to. Enlist a friend or two as the people who
will let you whine and kvetch and tell the same angry stories over and
over and over until even you get tired of the sound of your voice.

Crying is good, but you should also know the signs of depression. If
you’re not in counseling, now’s a good time to think about it. And look
for things to do out in the sun that will remind you that the world’s an
evolving place: nature changes and so will you. Physical activity,
especially in groups will be both a distraction and get your endorphins
moving. Your world’s not ending, just changing. Yes it’s lousy but it
will get better.