Fed Up

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I think I may be done with my three-year relationship. I’ve put up with quite a lot
from Michael, though it started out with abundant romance, hearts and flowers,
and the idea that we might be good life partners, even with a nine-year age
difference between us. Things started sliding when he lost his job. So far I have
provided a place to live, food, paid for vacations and treats for his twelve-year old
from his first marriage, and “loaned” him $4,500 for car repairs and other
“emergencies.” We are rarely intimate anymore, but he does tell me often how
much he loves me. I’ve been willing to pay for us both to join a gym, in part to get
back into shape myself, so we have a hobby together, and also hoping that more
endorphins in his system will perk up our sex life. He’s been promising to go to
the gym with me for three months. But whenever I ask, he says he&'s too tired. He
is working again, but the whole situation is getting old. Is it time to break up?
Fed Up

Dear Fed Up:
You convinced me. Relationships are built, or should be built, on
mutual respect, affection, trust, and common sets of interests and
values. It sounds like you’ve exhausted many of these, if indeed they
were ever part of the relationship in good times. Virtually everyone
likes being told they are loved. But for most of us, that’s an insufficient
trade for the lopsided relationship you’ve described so eloquently. I
also notice you didn’t start out with “I love Michael, but…” and instead
with “I may be done….”

Join the gym. Pay only for your own membership. Go regularly and get
yourself in shape, for your mental and physical health, and also to get
ready for being single on the social scene. Seeing you improve might
up Michael’s libido, but consider if his attending the gym with you
should be a condition of intimacy. Maybe the endorphins will carry
over to his work life. If not, get yourself ready to evict him.