Grinchy Groom

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
My fiancee and I are getting married in three weeks. We’ve been
together for two years and are devoted to one another. We’re adults
(29 and 30) and professionals (chiropractor and speech therapist). We
have a nice home, are both very active in our synagogue, and have a
committed yoga/meditation practice. We have very satisfying sex
weekly, and neither of us seems to want more, less, or different in
that regard. The wedding details and all the hullaballoo around it
(much of the fussing instigated by the opinions of close and even more
distant relatives), is taking its toll. We’re getting snappy with one
another, which has literally only happened once before in two years. I
know we’ll recover but do you have any sage advice to get us through
the next month. BTW we’re deferring our honeymoon to a cold winter
month, so all the non-work respite we’ll get is two hectic days before
the ceremony and three after in a beach cabin.
Grinchy Groom

Dear Grinchy:
Don’t take out on one another the frustrations you feel towards the
mespochah. You need a united front, and some ground rules for
solving areas of contention. You’ll probably like phase one of my
advice more than you’ll think you’ll like phase two, but trust me: it

Phase One: Take a 24-hour respite from all things wedding. Go out to
a nice dinner, some home and put on romantic music, then cuddle,
smooch, and snuggle.


Phase Two: Make a list of each category where
a final decision will be needed: flowers, seating, food, etc. Talk
through each one and say whatever matters to you. Then divvy up the
list, either by who cares more about the issue, or by drawing from a
hat and horse-trading until you’re each equally happy or sad. Then
agree to sleep in separate rooms from then until the wedding. No sex,
though occasional cuddling is permitted. Allow the longing and
romance to come back. You’ll also remember that you rely on the                                        other person, and don’t want to solve problems on your own. It’ll also
cut out arguments.


Note: Usually people compromise towards the
other’s priorities rather than being selfish, but yes there’s risks of
decisions you (or your uncle) won’t like. On your wedding night, say
and show the “I love you” as you’ll really mean it. Mazel tov!