Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I just got dumped. As in “No thanks. Never mind. It was fun while it
lasted. I’m done. I met the real right person for me and you are not
she. ” Dumoed. Unceremoniously dumped. It wasn’t crude, like
through a text, the way I’ve heard teens do it. The message was
delivered elegantly and very sanely at an expensive restaurant. The
kind where getting up from the table dramatically would be a big social
no-no. I went home and cried. And now I am feeling empty and bereft.
Not because I thought this person was the true be all and end all of
my life. I’ve been around long enough to have stopped believing in
“The One” a very long time ago. But because I am weary at the idea of
starting over. Of not knowing the missteps of telling my personal
history, who I’ve dated, why it didn’t work, of getting thrown over
again by someone I might want. I don’t want to have to go through
There’s this old parable about the wise man who tells the seeker, I
can’t pour any wisdom into you because your cup is already overfull.
Of course you’re gun-shy! You’re weary, as well as full of anger and
fear and shame, and a dozen other inelegant and emotionally draining
feelings. You’re hurt and lonely and the last thing you can imagine is
feeling cute and perky on a good first date. That’s actually a very
healthy response. What can you do about it? Hiding your head under a
pillow and weeping or screaming are a good couple first steps. If they
last too long we’ll worry, but let yourself feel the pain. Because if you
don’t, you’ll push it under with alcohol or food under and give yourself
a stomachache or worse.
Get out your keyboard and pound on it. Write the I hate how I feel
because of what you said, you &$^& email. DO NOT SEND IT. Do not
even address it to anyone. Repeat: Do not hit send. The point is not
for you to communicate to someone who’s already proving themselves
unworthy or uninterested. But for you to lance and drain the pool of
pain that’s sapping your emotional energy. Write it, and hit delete.
Write it again. And again and again and as often as you need to until
you get all the bad feelings out of your system. Take lots of hot
showers, and perhaps indulge in a little retail therapy. You’ll be less
gun-shy once you do.