Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I just got introduced to a friend of a friend. She’s the first person I’ve
met in three years that I would even consider dating seriously. I have
lots of social companions to keep me busy doing things but have given
up dating after too many disastrous attempts with people who make
snap judgments and aren’t looking for depth or duration. I’m looking
for something real, not shallow. Something where there’ s a true
connection between myself and the other person. A relationship in
which I can really be myself and not have to work to impress someone
only to take off a mask again later. I’m a reasonable catch:
professional, adult, self, supporting, decent looking, and kind. But so
many people seem to want a superhero, not a normal guy. How can I
attract her interest without pretending to be who or what I am not.


Dear Hoping:

There’s an old quote that goes something like this: If you can fake
sincerity you can fake anything. The oroblem is how many people have
learned to do it well, when you’re trying to be sincerely sincere. The
world has become more complex and cynical, and very few people
assume that others are telling the truth about who and what they are,
whether that’s in an online profile or across a dinner date table. That’s
to your disadvantage. But you’ve listed your attributes and I’m certain
that many people who wanted to believe they were real would also
want to date you.

As for the friend of the friend, make a point of taking things slowly but
with expressed interest. Choose to spend time in activities that are
varied: dinner where you can talk and harvest one another’s histories,
mixed with trips to museums or movies where you can share mutual
new stimulation. It’s always hard to know if the spark that makes a
romance last will show up or not. You should be able to tell if your lips
are itching to kiss and if she seems to move closer to you. If it goes
too long without something physical you will both lose interest. But if
you come on too fast she might write you off as just another grabby
huckster. Be sure to express your interest in exploring a real
relationship to the mutual friends. Word travels, in this case to your