Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a long distance friend whom I have known for since college
(read, several decades). We lost contact for a while but for the past 15
years we have been in email and phone contact. She stayed in her
hometown; I stayed with her as each of my parents died, as she was a
mile from the hospital. While I was her guest I purchased some
reasonably expensive jewelry from her, in part because I wanted to be
a good guest and also because she was transitioning her career to
becoming an artist. It was far more than I would have paid at a fair or
gallery but she was definitely helping me out. Now she’s planning to
visit me to show at a holiday arts fair she got juried into. Her work is
lovely and I don’t mind putting her up. But I cannot afford to be a
patron at this time, for financial reasons and because I am swimming
in unneeded things. I’m giving away my jewelry and scarves as gifts,
not acquiring more. How can I demur without hurting her feelings? I
think she’s done a wonderful job in reinventing herself. But saying so
and being her B&B is the limit of my ability to support her.

No More, Thanks

 
Dear No More:

Tell her what the logistics are in terms of transport, her room etc. Ask
if she needs help with show set-up; if it’s more than you want to do,
tell her you have folks on tap for $x an hour to help. Ask if she has
food sensitivities or preferences so you can stock the frig. Confirm
which times you expect to be available to be social together.
Explain that you’ll go to the show to see her in her evolved role as a
professional artisan. But go on to say that you’ve stopped purchasing
anything at shows like that, both for financial reasons and because you
are downsizing in every category. Reassure her that you’re happy to
be her hostess and looking forward to quality time together, but that
there’s no need to thank you even with a token gift because you are
swimming in all the jewelry and accessories for this and your next
lifetime. She should get the message. If not, repeat it as needed.