Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I was in a six-month something last year, where something was not
quite a relationship (he started out saying “I’m not in love with you but
I am very attracted to you”), yet more than an affair (the attraction
was mutual and satisfying and we got close), but ultimately not
enough for either of us. We took winter off and then started to go out
socially for movies, dinner, etc on a casual basis. He gave subtle and
then less subtle signals that he has interested in resuming the sexual
part of the relationship again, but stressed it would be friends with
benefits, not anything more. I know he’s tried to date but not found
anyone nearly as good for him as me. I have pretty much decided I’m
done with dating, and that the complications of friends with benefits
are outweighed by the brief pleasures. Last night he finally asked me
outright, “Are we ever going to get back together for FUN?” I was so
taken aback I said I wanted to sleep on it, even though what I should
have said was No! Is there more that I should say now?

No U Turns

 
Dear No U Turns:

The easiest answer is No!, but accompanying it with a note or email
that says more might help reinforce the impact. Here’s a shot at what
to say: Dear X – I’m flattered that you want to resume a sensual
relationship with me. You’re a nice guy and I enjoy being friends. But
our last round of “fun” left me a little off kilter and I would prefer to
avoid doing that again. We’ve worked to create what feels like a lovely
friendship. I like you and enjoy spending time together. I wish you
well in your dating search. But I’m not the gal for you. I hope you still
want to be my movie date. I’ll hug you an early good night.
Then leave it up to him to move towards you. And start diversifying
your repertoire of movie buddies. I predict he’ll move on.