Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

This going to sound weird but here goes: my best friend gave my
mother marijuana. I&'ve always known my mother indulged. She&'s a
child of the sixties and for a while even had a medical marijuana card
in California where she lives and where it is legal. But it&'s not legal
here!!! I understood when she was in a lot of pain before surgery for a
nasty rotator cuff injury. But she told me she’d stopped. I&'ve always
known my friend smokes occasionally but we simply don&'t talk about it
because she knows I don&'t approve. Long story short: Mom came for
Thanksgiving and left some pot in the guest room. I found it after she
left but when I asked her about it she said she hadn&'t wanted to fly
with it and told me she’d arranged everything with Deena before her
visit. What if anything do I say or do?

Non-Smoker

 
Dear Non Smoker:

You can talk till you&'re blue in the face and I’d bet money the same
thing will happen the next time your mom visits and the time after
that, etc etc until one or both change their habits. Smokers don&'t stop
smoking (cigarettes or marijuana) until they are ready, any more than
alcoholics shun booze or chocoholics turn away from their deep dark
pleasures. You can be self-righteous, moralistic, threatening, cajoling,
or any other tone you think can pull off. But don’t have any false
expectations. The same is true for Deena, though with lower odds.

What you can do more successfully is set some ground rules. For
example: No smoking in front of your children. No smoking in the
house. No driving while stoned. No smoking where neighbors can see
or smell. No bail if she is in fact busted, though little old ladies are
rarely targets. You can talk to her about alternatives for pain control or
even for recreational relaxation. You can tell her you don’t want her to
visit unless she’ll promise you the air will not get anyone high. My only
caution is this: She’s unlikely to stop simply because you ask her to,
and very likely to turn the mirror your direction. So whatever habits
you have that you know she doesn’t approve of are likely to end up
part of the ensuing discussion. If you’re prepared to change for her,
maybe she’ll snuff out her weed for you.