Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

What can one say to someone who is unconscionably rude about
weight issues? I am fat. I admit it up front. I am on a medical program
and on Weight Watchers. I have taken and kept off almost 100
pounds. But the reasons that make it hard for me to lose more weight
faster are no one’s business but my own. I work out in an aqua-
aerobics class and there is a woman there, a former fattie who lost
with a radical medical procedure, who is very critical of everyone not a
skinny-malink. She told a man in the class who is planning a 1000-
mile tandem bike trip with his zaftzig wife to “get another partner or
she’ll strand you by the side of the road!” She hasn’t made rude
remarks to me directly, but I can feel her glaring eyes on me all the
time.

On Track

 
Dear On Track:

People who are rude, judgmental, and confrontational rarely respond
well to having the mirror turned around on then. While you may be
sure she is saying bad things about you behind your back, unless she
does so to your face you probably shouldn’t engage her in a battle of
who’s ruder about whom. Your judgments about her rudeness might
be construed as equally offensive, certainly by her and perhaps by
others. If you know for sure that she has said something about you,
you can talk to her. But be very sure that you do so with other people
around whom you believe will be reliable and articulate witnesses.
If she does say something to you directly, you can say something akin
to this: I’d heard that you have no boundaries to your rudeness,
especially about people who look like you used to. To be clear, my
relationship with my body is none of your concern. I do not give you
the right to judge me, nor will I internalize any of your opinions.
Please keep them to yourself. Others may not have the guts to tell
you, but we all think you are rude and unpleasant. Then turn and walk
away. It may not stop her, but it might quiet her down.