Once Bitten

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I dated someone for six months last year. It ended with a whimper
after I had surgery, and my desire for intimacy went to zero. He was a
good friend during my recovery process, but made it very clear that he
no longer considered us to be dating after the second month when I
didn’t want to cuddle or kiss. He very quickly got involved with a
woman that his ex-wife introduced him to (and apparently liked a lot
more for than she did me, as she always seemed quite hostile when
we were dating). But when I bumped into him at the market two days
ago, the first thing he said after “Hello!” Was, “I’m single again. Do
you want to get dinner and a movie on Saturday?” I accepted, but I’m
not sure if I should have added, “But only as a friend, nothing more.”
In fact I think he’s a nice enough guy to spend an evening with, but
he’s proven to me that he cares more about having a girlfriend than
being a good partner.

Once Bitten

Dear Once Bitten:

Having dinner and seeing a movie does not a relationship reunion
make. If he’s been a decent friend, then treat him as one, and assume
that his interest is that of a single person looking for companionship,
not automatically a hookup. If he asks you explicitly if you have ever
or would ever reconsider rekindling your relationship, you can answer
truthfully. But in the absence of that question, you should assume that
his news about being single is just that, news, not an invitation to get
back together.

If he does ask, and you do decline, he may ask why not. Then you can
choose to be diplomatic or brutally honest. If you value the friendship,
I’d counsel some form of discretion, and an answer that lands
somewhere near I think we are better as friends. Truth is he may
vanish again once he meets the next willing gal.