Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m young and yes occasionally stupid. I ran with a party crowd in
college but now am living more simply. I have a good job and was in a
five-year relationship but realized it was too confining.. Two of the
friends from my old crowd got married last weekend, My ex showed up
at the wedding and I got totally flustered. I decided to get hammered,
which was the first time in forever that I remember being that drunk. I
ended up spending the night (and yes having sex) with a friend who
seemed just fine when I was drunk but I do NOT want to get more
involved with. He’s already texted me three times and wants to get
together again this weekend. Is there a polite way of saying that I
want things to go back to the way they were? I like him fine as a
friend, but he’s still into partying and I’m not that kind of girl any


Dear Ooops:

It’s not surprising that he assumes you haven’t changed because
nothing that you have said in your question would indicate that you
have, other than that you have a job. In his mind you are ready to get
drunk and go home with him. Of course he’s dialing for more. Words
are one thing to use, but actions speak much more loudly. You can
follow the advice below, but if you backtrack and end up in bed with
him again, he’s not going to believe you when you say No thanks a
second time.

In the olden days, when I was young and dating, we would have said,
Boy was I drunk last night! That didn’t excuse our behaviors but it did
imply that we were not planning to continue them as a regular
practice. Best would be to thank him for a lovely evening, but say you
don’t want to repeat it, soon or ever. Explain that after a decent
interval has passed you might be interested in dinner and a movie with
him, but you aren’t planning on drinking too much and sleeping with
him again. Friendship is all you want. Then make that true.