Readier Than She Is

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

A fix-up/new friend and I were checking each other out for a few
months. It started out gangbusters, lots to talk about, chatter chatter
chatter. Then she went away on a trip. When she got back it took a
month or so to find our sea legs again, but I figured, hey, she’s been
gone and it takes time. We went out on a few dates and it was all very
proper, though we did mutually agree that we were attracted to one
another, just not in any rush to jump into anything, bed included.


As the months went on the desire to see one another seemed to wane,
but frankly there’s simply no one around I am even remotely
interested in and I have never and don’t think I would ever be willing
to do internet dating. Lately all the conversation has been around her
hassles at work, dreams of retirement, and gardening. Yesterday she
sounded annoyed that I called. I don’t feel that she’s particularly
interested in me, or even finding whatever zip there was in the
beginning. Push or let her go?

Readier Than She Is

Dear Readier than She Is:

I have two very simple rules for people who are looking to date.
Repeat them a few times and see what sounds familiar. First, I only
want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Two, I don’t have
to be with someone just because s/he wants to be with me. Anyone
who passes those two is worth investing some time into, at least to
see if there’s enough mutual interest for things to heat up, not cool
down. Rule three, you get to choose and woo, but remember the other
person has the same options.

In this case, I’d send a email that goes roughly as follows. Dear Name:
Are you okay? When we spoke you sounded tired and distracted. If it
was a passing mood, then perhaps I am over-reading. I hope it is
nothing more. But it felt deeper. I do miss more substantive
conversations beyond how&'s work or garden, but we seem to have
drifted into a different, flatter direction. That&'s fine if it&'s conscious,
and I get that your current priorities are work and soil. But it&'s felt
weird not to acknowledge the change. I don&'t have any should in mind,
but there are few enough people I meet that I&'m actually engaged by,
so having things fade to blah seems like a waste. Then see how she