Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’d given up on dating. I’ve been single for three years and had done
various internet dating sites, on and off, for much of the last two. I
knew enough to recover from my last serious relationship (six years,
but never married) before I did. Maybe I’m just an odd mix of serious
and whimsical. But the people I was meeting were either boring,
negative, overly ambitious, and cynical, or didn’t have enough money
to buy a latte, let alone a house. Physicality isn’t my primary criteria,
but I certainly want to be with someone who thinks I’m attractive and
with whom there’s a spark. I just met the most interesting guy. He’s
funny, smart, professional, owns a house, and seems to have a really
good heart. Most importantly, I feel very much and easily me when we
are together. It’s only been a month, and, while I am not “in love” I
am very strongly “in like.” Here’s the rub: my friends who don’t want
to “see me get your hopes up and get hurt” are telling me to slow
down, date other people too, and put on the brakes instead of smiling
about what a great kisser he is. You get a vote too.


Dear Ready:

Sparks and mutual attractions are hard to come by, especially in
combination with really good hearts. Whenever you find such a combo,
unless of course one or both of you are already in a committed
relationship, you should explore it. Kissing is a lovely way to do so. So
is creating a range of shared experiences, from seeing movies and
shows to long dinners sharing your lives and values. What it takes to
build a solid foundation for a good relationship is more than kissing,
but it’s hard to sustain one unless you have that draw towards
intimacy lasting a long time.

Ask your friends to be happy for you. Tell them what’s on your “list” of
important criteria not only in a potential mate, but also in your own
behavior and lifestyle. Ask them not to operate from fear, but to help
keep you aware of any area you might start compromising. Enjoy the
sheer pleasure of something new, but don’t lose yourself along the
way. See if like becomes love.