Ready to Wait

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I had a horrible Thanksgiving. I was depressed and lonely. Generally
my life is good, and lately it’s been even better, because, gulp. I am
“the other woman” in an affair. He says he loves me and of course I
have hopes that someday he will leave his wife, though it is very early
and I know the odds are not in my favor. We have a very special
connection as well as great “chemistry” so I know he’ll want to keep
seeing me. But a few hours a week are not enough for me to show him
how I feel. Do you have any good advice for helping this end the way I
want? I love him and know he loves me, but is trapped in a loveless
and sexless marriage, just like I used to be.
Ready to Wait

Dear Ready:
It’s gonna be a long wait, and probably won’t happen. So if you are
willingly play the role of the mistress, knowing your heart will
eventually be broken and that he will move on to greener pastures,
you should at least recalibrate your expectations. Expect a lot more
loneliness than together time. Get used to feeling like you want to dial
him, but cannot. Assume that you are someone he wants to spend
time with (at least for “the chemistry”) but that your together time will
happen on his schedule not yours. Assume broken plans and lots of
uncertainty. Know you will spend a lot of time waiting hear from him,
and that you may not always like what you hear.

Last but not least, remember than any man who will cheat on his wife
with you, is at least as likely to cheat on you with someone else. That’s
not just bad odds. It’s the road to pain and sorrow. But it is your right
to choose it. On those dark and lonely nights, ask yourself what you
truly deserve, and then look for that.