Single and Ready

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I met someone I like but I’m not sure how to proceed. We met at a
tenth anniversary party of mutual friends. He’s from the office of the
wife; I know the husband from college (and yes we dated until he met
her, a much better fit). I was seated next to the prospective datee at
the restaurant. Both husband and wife deny it was a fix-up but
honestly it doesn’t matter. He was intelligent, charming, and funny. He
has a job, a home, and a child from a first marriage. So do I. Should I
wait for him to call, suggest we do something together with the kids,
or invite him on an actual date?

Single and Ready

Dear Single and Ready:

Congrats on meeting a likely datee. And yes, denial or not, happy
people like having happy coupled friends. So be thankful and also
consider using the connection. Relay to the husband that you liked his
wife’s colleague. Ask if he knows if he is single (a critical piece of info).
That inquiry will get to the wife faster than the speed of light. Then
wait a little while. How long? A few days to a week.

If you have heard nothing, ask the husband for the likely’s phone or
email. If he’s in a relationship or otherwise not interested in you, now’s
the time the husband will have to gulp and tell you. But assuming you
don’t get shot down at the starting gate, connect with him via email,
FaceBook, or phone. Note, leaving a message while he’s at work may
feel safer but the child is an unknown variable. I’d suggest emailing an
invite such as this: It was fun talking to you at A and B’s party. If
you’re up for a movie and dinner sometime, let me know. Then go
back to waiting. If he’s interested you should get a response within a
week. Even if it is, My life’s jammed right now but yes I’d like to in the
future, you should not feel like you overextended. Dating is always a
little crazy-making and leads to feeling vulnerable. But he comes with
good references, so give it a shot.