Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I’m feeling the burden of being single. I have friends to socialize with
for a concert or movie, and I am involved in my synagogue so I am
not isolated. But many of my best friends are coupled or partnered
and they seem to prefer to socialize with other dyads. Even though I
see my friends one-on- one, and the gals go out for drinks or dinner,
they make plans as couples and do not think to include me. That’s
even for things like drinking wine and watching DVDs. I am feeling
sorry for myself and lonely and not sure whether to say anything or
not. These are normally the people that I talk to about anything, but I
am feeling more vulnerable than usual.
If these folks are really your nearest and dearest, don’t be shy about
saying Please include me if the activity allows for it. Yes you will feel
awkward, even with them, when you say it, so over the phone is fine.
They will almost certainly be responsive and invite you for stay-at-
home evenings. It’s less likely that if they’re going out for dinner or
other activities that you’ll be invited, because it’s much rarer to do
such things in odd numbers, unless more folks are the singles. I’m
assuming btw that you’re not secretly lusting after one of their
husbands, which would be cause for a different conversation.
I’m not much of a fan of internet dating, primarily because one has to
sift through so many people who are not as advertised. But you do
sound ripe for meeting more datable people. And even if the majority
of the coffee dates you will have turn out to be duds you will
accomplish several objectives: perking up your social life, and
increasing the chances of meeting someone with whom to do more
social activities. You can accomplish the same goals, though it’ll take
much longer, by taking classes, volunteering, and asking people to set
you up. The last has problems of its own. At least a dud of an imatch
is private or a source of shared humor. Rejecting a friend of a friend
takes more finesse.