Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I host a weekly bridge game. We have two tables and most if us have
been together for more than two decades. One of the new gals (count
months not years) filled in when her mother died. Some of us have
known her since her Bat Mitzvah. She’s lovely buy grossly overweight.
Recently she got inspired to do a very rigorous juice and smoothie
regimen. She&'s lost 30# and definitely looks better but I have my own
opinions about whether the weight will stay off. She shows up with
bottles of weird green mixtures. My problem: her kale smoothie spilled
on my carpet. I tried everything but there is an ugly green stain that
nothing seems to get out. She apologized profusely and in the moment
I acted like a gracious hostess. I want to be polite but color me:

Soiled!

 
Dear Soiled:

You have two issues: the stain and the etiquette. Call the young
woman. Start by saying you want to be supportive of her health
regimen but tell her the new house rules are water only, so please
drink before she comes or return to the game when she’s done with
colored beverages. Explain you have had a major problem trying to
clean up after the spill. Say you need to know what was in it because
some mystery ingredient has fused to the fibers and you need to know
what to tell the carpet cleaners. She will be embarrassed, possibly
even offering to pay. You can continue your charming hostess routine
by hiding your gritted teeth.

 
Re the stain, do nothing beyond what you’ve done already. Call until
you find the best spot/carpet cleaner in town. Be forewarned that
virtually every one will tout itself as having a miracle product. That
said, professional have knowledge and access to what lay people do
not. Ask for a cost estimate, as they will sense your desperation. If all
else fails either live with it or shop for area rug to cover it up. You
might also google for emergency tips for stains that have just
occurred. And be as sincere as you can be when she brings you a
bouquet of flowers the next time she comes, as I hope her mother
taught her the manners to do.