Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I know you must get letters like this all the time but I am confused
about getting back together with my ex. To be completely truthful, I
don’t want to go back to the “relationship” part of what we had. But I
would like to go back to the sense of closeness, and the physical
intimacy we shared. We were great lovers, good friends, but lousy
partners. We just disagreed on too much about the real world, from
peace in the middle east to childrearing. So we either argued or made
love. We’re both single (broke up 1.5 years ago), and after the first six
months of being polite around each other have finally relaxed and are
now even better friends than we used to be. I can feel the sexual
tension fluttering around both of us. I know it’s not just me because of
things she’s said. Is it crazy to want another dip in the pool?
Summer’s Coming

 
Dear Summer:
You sound too immature to be in a real adult relationship. While I have
no opinions about your sex life in general, it sounds selfish to suck this
woman into your vortex of need. Even though you feel the vibe might
be mutual, it takes each of you down a road to nowhere. It does sound
like you’ve moved to getting clear of the bad aspects of how you relate
to one another. So why set up a situation that’s only going to stir up
all the frustrations about the non-intimate aspects of how you related.
I recommend that you move on and allow her to move on too. The
more you cling to the easy-access memories you have of one another,
the harder it will be to be open for a real relationship, one where you
actually have to treat the other person as an equal and invest some
hard work, time, and energy, at least as much out of the sack as you
want to get into it. Grow up and learn what it means to treat others
well.