Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
Is there ever a good way to break up with someone? We’ve been
dating for six months and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this
guy. He’s funny, smart, kind, considerate, financially independent, and
good in bed. On paper, he is exactly what I have said I am looking for
in a new partner, and certainly far ahead of the curve on either of my
previous mates or the guys I have dated between and since them.
What’s the problem? I’m bored. I know it’s not a fancy or dramatic
reason to want to end a relationship. But after six months I feel like
we’ve been together for six years, and I mean six years non-stop
locked a room and can’t breathe. The conversations are flat, the
stories repetitive, and any of “the incredible lightness of being” that I
have felt before when I fell in love with someone seems not just
elusive but remote. There’s no sense of yearning, no sense of
excitement, and the old-robe- and-slippers familiarity is stifling. If I feel
that now, what would happen in a year or four? I’m not getting any
younger and can’t afford to waste too long with the wrong guy.
Dear Too Picky:
You left out loyal and kind from your list of descriptors. There are
hundreds of women who would race a moving train to be in your
situation. And while I am empathetic at your longing for the romantic
ideal, most lives are lived at a simpler, and yes often boring, pace.
Embrace the relationship for what it is: solid and reliable. Suggest that
you surprise one another with alternating responsibility for surprise
adventures. Enroll in a tango class. Or a cooking class. Or lean to play
an instrument or foreign language together. Commit to a volunteer
effort where you will assist those whose lives make yours look like
paradise. And if you are really ready to toss away a safe but boring
relationship, tell your honey you want to date other people. But please
don’t write me six months from now and tell me there are no good
people to date.