Two Years To Go

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m morbidly obese. I have lost seventy pounds but still have well over
one hundred still to go. I have been on what some people might
consider a strict diet (basics are mostly fruits and vegetables, no
wheat, dairy, or sugar, with lots more details) but for me it has
become a way of life. I could lighten up on the strictness but I am so
empowered and energized by how I feel and do not want to lose the
momentum. My husband, who should also lose at least a hundred
pounds, keeps asking me to eat out. I wouldn’t mind occasionally
going to a restaurant where I could get what I want to eat. But he
likes greasy Chinese, and once I’m there it’s impossible to find brown
rice, let alone organic vegetables. Each time I relent and go I regret it
immediately and suffer the next day. Each time he promises he’ll
never ask again. But a week later he begs and whines until I give in.

Two Years To Go

Dear Two Years To Go:

You cannot change the past, except how you are already doing it:
being on program and sticking to it as well as you can. The fact that
you have been so successful already should be very reinforcing. I’m
sorry your husband cannot get on board and be supportive. That’s
disappointing but not terribly surprising. Many people do not like
seeing their own issues reflected by their loved ones. And misery
(which extreme obesity can be) does tend to love company. Also,
while your commitment is impressive, admirably so, the duration of
the process is probably intimidating him. There’s nowhere to hide from
your process and your progress. Eventually even he is going to have to
start dealing with his own demons.

What to do: Hold him to his word. Like any serial fibber, he means
what he says when he says it, just not the next time has to be held
accountable for what he promised. Get him to put it in writing. When
he starts asking about going out for dinner, hand him his written vow
and ask him to read it out loud. Then offer up a list of places you
would be willing to go: places where you can get salads, healthy sides,
carb-free or gluten-free food, or whatever other specific guidelines you
choose to obey. He’ll grumble but eventually he’ll give in. Congrats
and good luck getting to goal.