Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I spent three years in a bad relationship in which my now-ex cheated
and lied so often that even when we were making up I think both of us
felt like actors in a bad play. I finally realized I am worth more. After a
year of counseling and not dating, I decided I was ready The first guy I
met, whom I told I did not want to date exclusively, texts me several
times a day, and generally acts adoring but never takes me out on a
real date, just invites me to his place “for a movie” which translates to
making out. The second guy I met is his opposite, very shy and almost
too afraid to make a move. He’s nerdy and sweet but we don’t seem to
have enough in common. Despite this, he invited me home to meet his
mother, which felt much too fast. I’m feeling very:


Dear Uninspired:

If you have two guys pursuing you my bet is that others will too. It’s
hard to turn down birds in the hand, but the bushes are full of men
who aren’t right for you, and you’ve failed to convince me that either
of these guys is even close to being “the one.” That said, number two
at least seems to treat you like a person of value. The first guy sounds
like a jerk, and I think you should clear his slot for the as yet unknown
number three.

Sit yourself down and inventory what you want in a good date and a
good mate. They may not be the same things, but be honest with
yourself and get clear on what the differences are. Then make a list of
non-negotiables, things you won’t put up with, no matter what. I’d like
to assume that means no abuse (physical or verbal), rejecting
someone who expects you to pick up the tab all the time, and avoiding
other horrors you’ve already suffered through. No matter what, don’t
compromise on those. Look for someone who has your list of wants,
and know that you might need to test out numbers three through
three hundred before finding who you truly love and deserve.