Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I’ve been with Sarah for three years; we’ve lived together for two.
There’s a ten-year age difference between us but we feel very right for
one another. We share and have lots of fun with the same activities,
from camping to cooking and food preserving. There’s never been a
time when we haven’t been able to get over a problem in a respectful
and communicative way. Her family has a farm and we’ve talked about
moving there and building a house on the property. I want to marry
her. And, as old fashioned as it sounds, I want to get her parents’
permission before I propose. There’s a local jeweler whose work we
both like and I was thinking about commissioning an engagement ring
and then surprising her the next time we go to the farm for a
weekend. But if either she or her parents say no I’ll be up the creek.
How do I do what when?
You sound like the excitable one in the pair. This is the perfect time to
practice patience. Asking her while you’re at the family homestead is a
lovely idea. But I also think you’re piling everything into a couple
hours when you should be thinking more like a couple than a wannabe
groom. Get a promise ring. It can be something nice but also very
simple and inexpensive. It’s a placeholder, something to show her on
bended knee when you propose. Then the two of you can design the
custom ring together. And even get it made in the right size.
Also, old-fashioned is nice, but know that any time you involve others
you run the risk that something goes sideways. Recognize that when
you ask her folks that they may say Yes, they may say It’s all up to
her, or, the worse case, they may decline to answer and then warn her
you’re going to propose so she has time to think it over. It’s not
always a good idea to propose in front of others, because it puts the
prospective bride on the spot. But you make a convincing case that
she’ll say yes.