Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
My husband and I have been separated for two years. I moved to
Florida to pursue a dream job and my desire to live by the ocean and
swim every day. He stayed in the Midwest at a job that has been
killing him for years, and to which he has always been willing to give
the time and attention that he wasn’t giving to the marriage or me.
Neither of us was a financial drain on the other. I have a public
pension and he has a sizeable 401K. We also have a house. We’d
causally discussed “splitting everything down the middle,” which
seemed fair to me, or did before I got a letter informing he that he is
now in a “serious committed relationship.” The object of his affection is
15 years younger, a medical office assistant with a young daughter.
I’m sure she thinks she’s found a gold mine. Am I being a B-word for
wanting to make the divorce is he now formally asking for hard for
Yes I’m Angry
Yes, you are. And while I don’t like the B-word, I think your self-
diagnosis is accurate. Your (soon-to- be-ex) husband stepped up and
told you the truth. He could have said nothing, could have said It’s
time to get divorced or could have said he was “just dating” if he were
trying to hide things from you. I’m not a cut-throat divorce attorney
who might have some insights into grounds related to a “serous
committed relationship” by a married person. But given the history of
your relocation and discussions of divorce, I suspect the arguments
would lack punch.
Two years is a long time to voice getting to closure. Unless there were
serious prospects and mutual desire to reestablish the marriage, it
makes most sense to me that you get on with the separation of all
entanglements, legal and financial. You can tell him what you think of
him and his new honey as much or loudly as you like. But new love is
deaf to reason. If he’s going to get involved with a younger woman
who appreciates his established assets, that’s really more their
business than yours. Move on, as nicely as you can.