Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

My husband (whom I’ve supported much of our marriage, though he

does cook and clean) has two girls from his first marriage to a lowlife

woman whom I wouldn’t trust with a litter of kittens. The youngest,

Megan, is developmentally disabled. She just turned 18 but is still a

sophomore in high school. She asked to come live with us because the

mother is a skanky run-around. I couldn’t say no. But now that she’s

here I realize what I’ve signed up for. She plays loud music all the

time, needs lots of help with her homework (I’m an accountant; my

husband barely survived high school), and showed up without any of

her medical records and a month beyond her last dose of birth control

(she’s friendly and easily taken advantage of, plus she’s had bad role

modeling all her life. I decided to spring for a long-term solution but

she announced last night that she doesn’t want to get it because she’s

“in love” with her boyfriend and wants to have his baby. The good

news, such as it is, is that he’s in jail for another four months (it can’t

be rape/murder but jail is jail). I raised my own two sons. I refuse to

raise the baby I think is inevitable.

Yikes

 

Dear Yikes:

First of all, get your husband clear that you’re not going to momma

both him and his grandchild. Whether or not you’re prepared to follow

through, you consider telling him that if she has a child he’ll be helping

her on his own, in a new home. That should motivate him to back you

up on most things, but you cannot be with her 24/7. Second, get all

Megan’s medical and legal records and find out what the guardianship

issues/rights might be given her legal age. Try to soft-sell but firmly

sell the necessity of contraception (preferably a form that’s not

dependant on her daily or monthly behavior.

 

Then contact your county social service agency to find out what

services she is and will be eligible for. Get a case file going. Learn

about independent living options so that when she graduates she has

options. Then have a family meeting and set house rules. Start with

ear buds being mandatory, curfews, accountability about who she’s

with and where she’s going, all the systems that you’ll want in place

before the jailbird beau arrives to test all limits. It’s going to be a long

couple of years to get her through high school. I wish you luck.