Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I’m a nice Jewish guy in my 40’s, only divorced once, with one adult
son in med school. I teach college math (tenured at a decent school),
am decent looking (not Hollywood handsome but reasonably featured),
in decent shape (neither gym buff nor overtly puffy). I own my own
home, have savings, can cook a decent meal, and am a person of good
character. All I want is to meet a nice Jewish woman who’s serious
about a possible relationship. I know it shouldn’t be hard, and I
definitely don’t have any problem meeting women. I have a problem
liking the women I meet. So many have low self-esteem, or are willing
to bend over backwards to accommodate what they think I want, that
I end up not respecting them. I don’t want to be “in charge” or an
emotional bully. I want to be with someone who is as comfortable with
herself as I am with myself, not an overly willing doormat. I’m even
willing to do personal ads, but I’m not sure how to communicate this
aspect of what I am looking for.
Dear Good Catch:
You certainly don’t appear to lack self-confidence, but I’ll assume your
self-assessment is accurate and comprehensive. Everyone, man or
woman, deserves to be with someone who likes, appreciates, and
respects them. You don’t say how much time and energy you invest in
potential dates before you decide they don’t meet your high standard.
But for the sake of the rejected women, I’ll assume that you
communicate gently about why you don’t think it’s a good fit. At a
minimum, try to explain what you’re looking for in simple, non-
Though I’ve always thought it a strangely
compressed and highly stressful version of reality, you might be
exactly the kind of person that speed dating was designed for.
I’d write a personal ad that summarizes who you are very simply,
enough to state the obvious: college prof, owns home, mid-40s,
decent-looking, fiscally sound wants to meet a woman who likes
herself and the way she looks. Friendship, relationship, see what
happens. No doormats need apply please. I want to meet someone
who likes herself as much as I do. Sound like you?
PS to readers: No I won’t give you this writer’s email address. Read
your J-date or local personals.