Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I have a very good friend of ten years. She’s bright, funny, and has
great insights about all things from the social to the political. We see
each other at least weekly, and enjoy everything from happy hour to
racquetball. We have had some one-night overnights successfully.
We’re compatible in bio-clock, balance of tourism to veg-out time, and
balance independence and togetherness.
Now she’d asked me to go to Mexico for a week in a time-share condo we have access to. Normally I would jump at the opportunity, especially the deal we can get. But here’s the problem: She’s pretty fastidious about personal habits, and
I come from a big, loose family that spends part of each holiday
engaging in farting and burping contests. She thinks those behaviors
are disgusting and crude, and has asked me not to do either when
we’re together. I can pull it off for an evening but don’t think I can last
To Go or Not To Go?
Dear To Go or Not to Go:
Clearly you can’t go a week on super-good behavior. But you can try
to accommodate a standard of behavior that’s at least a couple cuts
above your normal family level of cut loose and freely. It sounds like
your relationship is sufficiently open and robust to handle a heart-to-
heart on the issue. I’d be sure to have it before anyone lays out any
non-refundable money for tickets or accommodations.
Bring up the issue as make or break for you to say yes to the trip. Say
that you don’t want to intentionally offend her, and you understand
that the behaviors you are talking about are crude. But they are also
so much apart of your lifestyle and habit that you honestly don’t know
if you can consciously be on good behavior for that long. Ask her if
she’ll give you credit for trying hard, which you will do, and if that’s
enough of a baseline to move forward. No matter what she says, buy
the beers for your date to talk about this and other trip planning