Horrified Hostess

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I usually hold a Seder but because I had the flu had to cancel instead.
A week later I had the usuals over for supper. I had intentionally
invited one of my friends, but not her “ex” of six months. I say ‘”ex”
because even though they “broke up” six months ago, they’re still
living together in an upper/lower floor duplex (they used it for his
dying mother for years, then as a home office for her). I invited her,
because he left her for a younger woman (now broken off). She,
without consulting me, invited him “because we’re family.” I’ve known
them for thirty years but am so disgusted by him that I can’t stand
seeing him let alone entertaining him. He spent much of the appetizer
course talking about a trip to NYC with his now ex-quickie. I didn’t
throw him out, but took him into kitchen and read him the riot act.
Now she’s angry with me for being rude. We agreed to trust what you
Horrified Hostess

Dear Horrified:
While I’m empathetic with your horror, unless you specifically told
your friend, I am not inviting your ex, she can be excused for
assuming that a pattern of thirty years was still in effect. She sounds
like a loving sap, and I hope you’ve advised her to get a good divorce
attorney, or she’s going to give away a lot that she might not
otherwise have to.

As for the decider, I vote with you. Since I don’t know what your riot
act sounds like, I’ll qualify that if you could be heard outside the
kitchen you might lose some points on style. But as for content, you’re
right: he sounds like an arrogant boor. His story was not only
inappropriate, it was rude and hurtful. I would make it clear to her for
the future that when you invite her, it means just her, and she’s to
check with you before she decides to bring him along, or decline to
come. As for him, I suspect your riot act convinced him he’s not on
you’re a-list, but if you feel rude enough yourself to drive in the last
nail, you can tell him now that he’s not invited any more. I’d probably
counsel against it, because your friend will get defensive about him all
over again, but it drives the point home.