Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I am 48 and recently started internet dating. I had not dated since the disastrous
end of my second marriage four years ago from a drinking womanizer who spent
me into bankruptcy. Needless to say I felt like I never wanted to be with anyone
ever again. But I thought I might be ready. Two guys responded to my profile.
Actually more did but they were the only ones I could imagine meeting. One keeps
telling me how “cute” I am, brings me flowers and chocolate, takes me out to
lunch, and talks all about himself. He hasn’t asked me more than two questions
about me in four dates. The other one is much quieter, but I like him. He’s not
flashy but it feels more equal when we are together. He’s happy taking a walk or
just having a cup of coffee. I feel like I have to work a little harder to get him
going, but once he does we have good talks. Should I date them both, or
concentrate on one, and if just one, which one? I like the excitement but I don’t
know if I like him enough.
People who are stuck on themselves during dating rarely turn into kind and
considerate husbands later. The flashy guy may have the form down tight,
probably from lots of experience wooing, but he’s working the process the wrong
way. Better to learn you from the inside out than the outside in. Chocolates and
flowers are fun. What gal doesn’t want to feel special? But unless he’s interested
in the real you , why would you give your time or heart away.
I’d dump the self-obsessed one on all grounds, then focus on the nice guy. It’ll
give you good practice dating. Also, if he turns out to be a caring considerate
man. Maybe you’ve found yourself a potential mate who will add to your quality of
life, not diminish it. If you find that underneath the quiet is someone who’s too
much like your ex, run like hell. No mater what, if it does get serious, protect
yourself this time with separate credit cards and really good ground rules about
what consequences bad behaviors will trigger. But if he is indeed a caring gentle
man, hooray and allow yourself to trust and love again.