Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
Four of us gals have been friends for a dozen or so years. Each original
twosome in any direction was good and over time we bonded as a
foursome independent of the hubbies and significant others. We go out
for happy hour maybe once a month, and talk about all the usual gap
pal things that you can imagine. We had a break over summer
because of various travel plans, and also because Friend A had helped
Friend D’s husband get a job when he was unemployed and desperate.
All the same reasons he was fired from previous jobs showed up, and
he turned what could have been a great opportunity into another
losing situation. Now Friend D is angry because Friend A won’t go to
bat for him with the big boss. But she isn’t his supervisor and could
her own job in jeopardy. So D isn’t speaking to A. A says she “doesn’t
want to have to beg” to have someone be her friend, and the other
two of us are sad because it all seems overblown and solvable. They
are willing to talk to us, but not to one another.
Strong friendships can weather storms. Doing so requires honest
communication, time, probably some tears, and a willingness to be
vulnerable at all stages until the friendship feels solid again.
Neither you nor the other one of the foursome should indulge the
feuders in much one-on-one time. The message you should repeat
over and over is this: You two need to talk to one another and hash
this out. Neither of you is all right or all wrong. But you are both
wrong about reusing to communicate. Neither of us is going to side
with either of you. What we care about is clearing the air. We suggest
you go out for drinks or coffee and work it through. If you need us
both there are facilitators we would be happy to help. But we think it’s
sad and short-lighted not to invest more time and caring into this
friendship. Start talking to each other now!