Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Recently a friend in another city fixed me up with someone who lives
near me. The friend knew both of us who lived here and, after
checking appropriately, gave each of us the other’s contact info
suggesting that we meet for coffee. We did and hit it off, and are now
starting cautiously to date. Both of us have been getting emails from
her saying “How’s it going?” etc. I know she wants me to confide
in her but of all the people on the planet she’s the last one I would talk
to about a dating situation gone bad (or perhaps even good) because
she already has a close relationship with my maybe about to be honey.
How can I deter her politely but firmly, because I am appreciative and
do value the friendship.

Thin Line

 
Dear Thin Line:

Grown ups don’t act like 7th graders. If there really is an incipient
relationship, that’s wonderful. You should certainly say Thank you and
let her know how much you appreciate the connection. But you are
under no obligation to make this friend your confidant, and especially
to assume that anything you say to her would be kept confidential.
It’s fine for her to ask how it’s going. And it’s fine for you to say that
you’re enjoying the connection, look forward to more dates, and hope
it deepens into a relationship. But that doesn’t make her a messenger
to relay that. And you should be explicit saying that you want to be
able to talk to her without anything being repeated. Even having said
that I would urge caution. If you need someone to talk to about
intimate or personal things, perhaps better someone who doesn’t have
skin in the game and who hasn’t tried to push her way into the
conversation.