Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

For years I have helped out a neighbor who works with errands, from
bringing and returning library books to fetching things at various
stores we frequent. I’m retired and she is not, so if I am going
somewhere I often ask if she needs anything. He husband has recently
retired, but he’s not nearly as clued into her tastes as I am, so she has
continued to ask me. Frankly it seems like the frequency has
escalated. I’ve tried to volunteer less but she is asking more. Should I
say something to her about having her husband become her schlep, or
just keep on when it is convenient for me. For the record, just last
week it realized I’d gone on an hour’s worth of errands for her that I
had no need to have done for myself. There’s gas and time and just
plain aggravation on the line.

Neighborly

 
Dear Neighborly:
Assuming this is a friendship you value, be honest. Say that when it is
convenient, you are happy to keep doing her errands. Also say that
since her husband has more time on his hands now that he’s retired,
you’d prefer if she thought of him as her primary schlep and you as his
backup. Be clear that if you offer to help, by calling or texting an
upcoming trip to the library or farmer’s market, she’s welcome to add
to your list. But in the absence of an explicit statement that you are
available, she should assume you have enough to keep you busy.
As for training the husband, suggest that she make a list or even a set
of photos of brand names she prefers for various items, stores that
she goes to for X or Y, and that she make appointments with the
husband for him to be on call for her. Most wives with newly retired
spouses are happy to get them out of the house on a regular basis, so
you’re probably helping them with the transition as well as yourself.