Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I almost had an affair. The ex-lover of one of my good friends, who
moved here to take a new job, is incredibly intelligent, charming, and
fun. He’s also self-centered, and used to getting what he wants from
almost everyone, women or men. We flirted for weeks, made out
passionately, but at the last minute I chickened out of more.
Something scared me, at a movie of the week level. There was an
intensity about his sexuality that scared me, in a lurid way, made me
want to run for garlic and a holy book. I gave him goodwill-bound
furniture and when he didn’t say thanks I wrote him to say goodbye,
that he was just too self- centered. He just left me a voicemail saying,
It’s been three months, I miss you, I was wrong; meet me for dinner and
a good talk, my treat. Part of me misses him, because most of the
people in my life pale by comparison. The rest of me says run to say
no. How do I decide?
Not Really That Edgy
Dear Not Edgy:
I’m not a fan of violent movies, but like the rest of the audience I
know the pretty coed should not – repeat Not Not Not – enter the
spooky abandoned house alone, no matter how curious she is or
important it seems. So I’m telling you: listen to your gut. I don’t know
from vampires, ghosts, or dybbuks. But I do know that the risk of
being assaulted by a mortal weirdo is much higher than it should be. If
your body and soul are giving you strong warning signals, you should
listen and obey.
If you feel an obligation for closure, meet for coffee in a public place,
talk about your full life, and put any lingering feelings to rest. But be
prepared for a full-on assault of charm. Have plans to meet a friend
right after, and don’t make plans to see this guy again. If you live
alone, and you get the feeling that the guy may be a stalker, consider
investing in an alarm system. I’m not trying to make you scared. But I
am trying to tell you to listen to your own inner alarm system, and not to put yourself at risk for someone who sounds like an arrogant
narcissist.