Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:
I started dating someone a month ago. Or maybe we’re just going to
be friends. Neither of us is in a rush for sexuality, though for different
reasons. I did invite her to a holiday sing-along at one of my friends’
houses. In the inevitable who are you, what do you do, who do you
know conversations, she named a former ex of mine as her neighbor.
This woman and I have a very torrid relationship. Fifty shades of
drama and reconciliation. We parted ways on mutually bad terms and I
haven’t kept track of her. I like the new woman a lot and really want
to be given a fair chance of being a decent partner for her. Do I
confess about the past with her neighbor or let things evolve until it
becomes common knowledge?
At whatever point the neighbor sees you or your new honey mentions
you, she will have to make a choice. You won’t be able to control that,
and if you try and do so you’re more likely to raise enmity and bad
memories. By bringing up the troubled past to the new flame you open
the door to conversations that are ahead of your interpersonal
timeline. I say, ignore the proximity and develop the current
relationship as best you can.
When your ex realizes who her neighbor is dating she may try to
defame you in some way. But hopefully by that point you will have
enough good history and positive chits in the relationship that she’ll
have the sense to write off the bad stories as a old chapter in your life
that’s now closed. If not, and she asks you, tell a truth that’s palatable
to you and honest enough to sound credible. Say that it was a storm
und drung relationship and you’re no longer into being or attracting
drama queens. Then hope the new honey believes you. Ultimately she
will have to trust her own perceptions ahead of those of the neighbor.
Or you’ll end up dating in a different part of town.