Wanting More

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Help me with a dating scenario please. A few months ago mutual
friends fixed me up. There was an immediate and mutual sense of
interest between us and lots of history sharing and sense of meeting a
“possible.” Our time together has been mostly long walks, sitting at
home eating and schmoozing, and generally behaving like an old
married couple. This is in marked contrast to a zappy, fall in love
instantly scenario, the kind my friends have threatened to divorce me
if I announce ever again. I really like Leah’s general style and values,
but there’s a complete absence of pheromones. We’ve both said, I like
you as a friend and maybe more. Let’s take our time. But I think my
idea of “going slow” is several gears faster than hers. When does
patience lead to friendship instead of romance? We’re both in our 60’s
if that matters.

Wanting More

Dear Wanting More:

In the world of adult dating there are two primary roads. Road one is
more like no time to waste, are you the right one or not, kiss me now
and see if we spark. Road two is characterized by caution born of life
experience, and a desire to be sure the potential partner is worth one’s
commitment and resources. You sound like a number one person
interested in a number two kind of gal.

While it’s great that you’re comfortable with one another, I agree that
you might be mismatched romantically. There’s a fine line between
being seen as desirable and being seen as a masher. You need to up
the excitement ante in ways that lend a little more glitter to the
experience and offer a chance to get a least a little physical.
Something as simple as reaching for her hand on a walk or in a movie
would tell you a lot. If she’s happy to touch in small ways you get a
signal; if she’s not, you get different info. A lovely candlelit dinner in a
nice bistro is a great chance to say you’d like to take the relationship
to the next level if she’s interested. But be forewarned: by putting
your interest so directly on the line, you give her the right to say No
thanks, I’d rather just be friends. Timing matters and so does style. If
she’s a slow go-er, you need to dial back your pheromones and
concentrate on a quality hello and good-bye hugs before you move in
for a kiss. A little sweetness can go a long way. Too much can get you
the door.