Live Long and Prosper!

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments

for a Long and Happy Career

Work is a wonderful dimension for personal growth as well as a necessity to pay your bills. It can provide you with a venue to work out personal issues as well as simply providing a means to pay the rent. But as the comedian’s old stand-by goes something like this: I met a guy the other day who said he hated his job. So I told him, “If it wasn’t work, they wouldn’t pay you would they?!

What’s the moral here? That you can never be happy in your job? That you’re doomed to decades of misery on the gerbil wheel, slaving away to pay off the mortgage and your child’s braces? No! Let me repeat, No!, NO!, NO! But it takes paying attention to both how you live your day-to-day, and your year-to-year.

Here’s some tips on how to do it. Read them now and once a year on the anniversary of your hiring date. If the advice starts to feel too different from your life, see what’s gone off track.

Commandment No. 1: Choose your career and jobs wisely.

We all work for the money, whether it’s a big paycheck or a small one. But there’s lots of other non-monetary benefits to working, from being productive to social connections to keeping sharp and useful. Goal one: enjoy what you do for a living. Strive to spend your days doing something you genuinely love. But if that’s not possible, aim for jobs that optimize your strengths and also keep challenging you. Any day you wake up dreading the idea of going into the office is the right time to update your resume and start looking for new opportunities. Ask yourself regularly, Is this what I want to do with my time? If you say No too often it is time to take action.

Commandment No. 2: Keep challenging yourself.

That means everything from pushing for new tasks and responsibilities in the job you have to going to school to prepare for the next and better one. Invest in brain training and learning. Read; study; get on the computer. Pursue knowledge in every form, even once your newest employee agreement is gathering dust in your file. Keep your mind facile and active so it’ll be there when you need it to get a promotion, a raise, or your next job. Learning also allows you to demonstrate what you know in ways that can enhance your professional reputation.

Commandment No. 3: Network, network, network.

The first thing anyone in a new sales job is asked to do is to make a list of everyone they know. The criterion is often this: if you cannot identify 200 names, you probably don’t have the network or social temperament to sell. Allies are important in every career. Not just as a person to open their wallet and buy your product, but also as a network to help you move up in your company or to forward your resume when you’re looking for a better job.  They’ll be there for you in the long run, as you will be there for them. Look for folks to network with at all points in the corporate food chain, both mentors t you and folks you can mentor. You never know who’ll be in a position to help you down the line.

Commandment No. 4: Help others.

Help when you’re asked, even if it takes you out of your way or takes time you’re not sure you have. Some of what you’ll remember best over the course of your career aren’t the easy or happy times. They may be the crises when you had to make tough decisions, when you had an opportunity to step up, help out, and give much more than you may think you are able. Share what you know easily and eagerly. Not as a buttinski show-off to show folks up, but as a competent expert on whatever you’re good at, ready to make your whole team look good and be successful.

Commandment No. 5: Avoid getting entangled in office politics.

Don’t gossip. That means don’t gossip about either yourself or others. Protect your reputation and your privacy. You’ll want a non-work life that’s really separate. That goes for access to your online profiles too. Consider layers of privacy screens. Remember that people love to remind folks later about exactly what you’d most prefer be forgotten. In office dealings, especially if there’s nasty relationships where you feel you have to choose as side: don’t! Be the person everyone likes and trusts. Tell folks what you feel, even if it’s awkward. But take care before you speak ill of others. Don’t let disagreements linger too long lest they erode your working relationships and turn someone from a bad colleague into your personal nemesis.

Commandment No. 6: Negotiate wisely and firmly.

Become the person that bosses will be willing to pay to have on their staff. That means not just high self-esteem based in your ego but confidence grounded in performance. Be able to point to your achievements, your talents, your skills, and your revenue-generating history and potential. Avoid being low-balled at the front door of hiring; every extra dollar you can get starting Day 1 will multiply over time. Keep tabs on the market for your job so you know what other places will pay for someone of your caliber. When someone compliments your job, ask him or her to send a note to your boss or to HR. Be sure to have documented annual performance reviews and good letters of reference current and on file. They’ll pay off over time.

Commandment No. 7: Stay flexible.

Control freaks are often frustrated by the world. You can’t control everything, and you shouldn’t want to. Take your lumps when they come and learn how to bounce. Life’s full of knuckleheads and knuckleballs. No one’s immune or exempt. When you think people are out to thwart you, take the time to look at it from their point of view. (This might take a beer, a buddy, or both.) Think about each problem like a big glittery disco ball with a thousand facets: you can press on any one of them to change how things will happen. Think carefully and strategically before you commit yourself completely to any one approach. There’s lots of ways to get where you want to go. Make your own good luck; then be willing to share it.

Commandment No. 8: Take good care of your health.

We weren’t meant to live at desks, at computers, or with electronic devices in our hands. Being more physically fit helps your attention span as much as your muscles. Smart eating and regular exercise will enable you to enjoy life longer and more happily than if you end up a bloated coach potato. Plus you never know who’s on the next treadmill. Gyms, golf courses, and yoga classes are great places to network. Knowing a great hideaway restaurant with trendy food, or the best place to get your favorite drink is a wonderful excuse to invite someone with whom you want a special convo. Like it or not, people pay attention to how you look and what you put in your face. Make your choices worthy of respect.

Commandment No. 9: Do an annual career check-in and tune up.

Once a year, make a list of where you want to be 365 days later. Then measure where you are against those goals. You should consider everything from cash income to job title, responsibilities, upside promotion potential, and positioning to learn new skills. If you feel like there’s no way to move forward, ask for more training, responsibilities, or opportunities in some form that will allow higher-ups to notice you. Don’t let yourself get stuck or stale. Time moves fast and the older your get the easier it is to get pigeonholed. Keep your long-run vision sharp and don’t be afraid of making changes if that’s what it takes to create new possibilities.

Commandment No. 10: Choose to be happy.

Life’s too short to be miserable or to make things more complicated than you need to. We live in a world of marvelous surprises. It’s good to have goals, and to plan to manifest them. But don’t go through life with blinders or mono-vision. If you do, you’ll miss a lot of what the universe has to offer. Leave room and time for good things to happen that you might not have the imagination to predict or ask for.

You may never have a career that brings you a Nobel Prize or an Oscar for lifetime achievement. You may never even have your dream job. But you can make your Monday-Fridays 9-5, or your night or swing shifts, a time of fulfillment as well as remunerative productivity. Go for it!!

Naughty or Nice?

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s
10 Commandments for Surviving and Thriving the Holiday Season

It’s the time of year when everybody’s making lists and checking them twice. Lists of who gets a cash bonus, who gets a turkey, and who gets a lump of coal. It’s the season of shopping, parties, and visiting relatives and, oh yes, all that darned work piling up on your desk that you’re sure can wait ’til January. Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! If you want to be among the honored and appreciated this holiday season, be sure to follow your JFG’s commandments for thriving your way to New Year’s Eve:

Commandment Number 1: Dress up, within reason.

Think about how people see you every day. Now think about how you looked for your job interview. How do you want to be remembered for your attire during the holiday season? Not as the woman with a daily parade of elves or reindeer across her chest, or the one who appeared at the office party wearing only a hankie’s worth of fabric. Use the occasion to your professional benefit. Think style. Show how well you clean up. Expand the range of images that people have of you. The next time they’re deciding who is new management material, that’s how they’ll see you. Dress classy and aim to upgrade your image a couple of pay grades.

Commandment Number 2: Party smart.

Perception also counts at the buffet table. Avoid being the guy/gal with a drink in each hand, or the one planted next to the shrimp platter or the dessert table. Eating a few hours before the party will keep your appetite in check. Your personal liquor limit should be well this side of legal. There may be designated drivers, but don’t become the person for whom they’re invoked. Getting tagged as a lush can cost you promotion opportunities; you’ll be seen as an unpredictable risk, not a reliable company rep. Instead of chowing down too hard, look for chances to schmooze with people you’d not normally have access to. Ask intelligent questions and look interested in the answers. Tell them you’re interested in working on their team the next time there’s a chance. Try to get tagged as the one people want to talk to, not the lonely wallflower.

Commandment Number 3: Neither grope nor be groped.

No planting yourself under the mistletoe or over-enthusiastically kissing the boss’s spouse. Office dating between eligible singles, let alone adulterous affairs (perceived or real), has risks, no matter how often you swear to “keep it quiet.” Equally bad is getting a reputation as the one to tackle or the one to avoid in a dark hallway. Being a groper or a gropee can do damage to your upward mobility. In the short run it may improve your social life, but not with people who’re likely to be trusted to help you in the long run. Instead, stay in the light. Compliment folks on how nice they look; ask after their families; show respect for their personal lives. Glad-handing means shaking hands, not making out.

Commandment Number 4. Gift wisely.

Gifting can be a Thank-You to people you supervise or a brown-nose Hello to someone whose favor you want to curry. You don’t want to be perceived as either too cheap or too much of a butt-kisser. But it’s a great chance to show that you care. Avoid gag gifts, anything evangelical, or inappropriately personal. Strive for good taste that everyone can enjoy, or can discretely re-gift to someone outside the office. Chocolate is easy but lost among the calories of the season. Gift certificates are impersonal, and place a dollar value on the relationship that’s too easy to compare or criticize. Everyone’s swimming in calendars. Best is to find something unique or handcrafted and distribute it to everyone in a variety of colors or flavors. Shop with style and people will remember your good taste.

Commandment Number 5. Remember why you’re there.

It’s easy to let shopping, travel, family, and camaraderie take center stage. It’s tempting to swap stories about vacations, presents, and visiting relatives. That’s true whether you stand around the water cooler or use email. But whatever you say and do can be held against you, especially by the folks who’re still under the gun for deliverables. Beware being seen as a holiday slacker, ready to stop work at the sound of a loud laugh or a cluster of happy breakers. Avoid having your hilarious description of someone’s ugly party dress or bad dancing become what you’re remembered for. Be nice to the boss’s family; say thank you promptly for your bonus (whether it’s cash or coal); and avoid letting your productivity drop below par. Don’t let the seasonal festivities hurt your career.

Commandment Number 6. Be careful with your confidences.

It’s the time of year when everyone seems friendlier. With a drink or gift in hand and a holiday smile on their faces, people seem more accessible and easier to talk to. You may seem to be in a truce with your usual nemesis, and feel more open, trusting, and conversational. But come January, those same people will remember with glee the embarrassing story told in confidence, and you’re likely to hear it in places you cannot control. Stay on good company behavior. Keep your ears open and your mouth shut in a big, quiet grin. Collect more information than you give away. Be charming and cheerful, but remember to color within all the appropriate corporate lines.

Commandment Number 7: Meet your deadlines.

The vendors have dropped off a 12-gallon drum of caramel corn. The gal in accounting is telling the story of her ski trip. Your best friend is trolling the internet shopping for bargains and last-minute gifts. Tempting as it may be to blow off work in favor of all those lovely distractions, don’t do it. Repeat this daily: Doing a good job allows me to afford all those things January through November. If you get sloppy about details, or forget to complete a project that someone is waiting for, you’ll feel the heat and it won’t be the eggnog. Be efficient, stay on task, and be (or act like you are) in a good mood doing it. Get your work done and even ask others how you can help. Then you can play with a clear conscience and a good reputation..

Commandment Number 8: Plan ahead.

Who would you rather be seen as: the one who’s willing to do for others or the one looking out only for yourself? If you need extra travel days, ask early. Before you book any non-refundable plans, check dates with your co-workers and your supervisor. Explain you need to cross several time zones to visit your ailing Aunt Sally or see the new niece or grandson. Once you’ve gotten written approval, make reservations and mark your time away on the company calendar. If you’re new on the crew, don’t argue if your request is trumped by folks with more seniority. If you’re staying in town, be accommodating to those who need more travel time. Then later, when you really need it, use the “Remember when I” leverage. Chits are always useful. Here’s an easy chance to collect them.

Commandment Number 9. Respect diversity.

No matter how you slice it, America is a Christian country. There may be a thousand other religions, major and minor, but the seasonal calendar is organized around two things: shopping and Christianity. That’s no reason to turn your desk into a religious shrine or an altar to capitalism. Among your co-workers are Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Wiccans, and atheists, among others. You’re unlikely to be able to tell them apart (religious jewelry notwithstanding) and shouldn’t offend any of them. You don’t need to get whiplash trying to be politically correct to everyone. Just keep your cards and language aimed at Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year instead of religious slogans. You’ll be better appreciated by every clan and be seen as someone that anyone can talk to..

Commandment Number 10: Make achievable resolutions.

Resolutions tend to be personal: about our bodies, our love lives, as well as our wallets and careers. When you get out your paper and pen, ask yourself to think about not only what you want, but what you’re willing to do about it. Don’t set up reasons to lay guilt on yourself a month or two from now. Make only resolutions that you’re willing to commit at least three hours a week to manifest. If that means only one resolution, but one that you actually follow through on, focus on that issue. If you truly aim your personal power at a specific goal, by this time next year you’ll be happier, more successful, thinner, rich, or in love.

Happy New Year from Your Jewish Fairy Godmother, with best wishes for a year in which all your goals come true!

Lights, Camera, Eeek Eeek Eeek!

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for Surviving Public Speaking

Everyone hates to give a presentation or speech. Well, maybe not everyone. There are showoffs, actors, and people who are secretly from another galaxy who appear to like it. They can talk to groups and seem poised, articulate, intelligent, and worth people’s time and attention. But you? Me? Yikes? Where’s the exit? The nearest bathroom? A dying relative (real or fictional) to rescue us from the podium?

Most people respond this way even if “all” they have to do is a small presentation, let alone a speaking gig where the focus of everyone’s attention is, well, YOU! Studies show people rank fear of public speaking above that of dying. So if you can’t get out of it, or feel brave enough to try, use these commandments to help yourself cope:

Commandment Number1: Make them like you.

Here’s a secret: Everyone wants you to succeed. They want to be amused and enlightened, but they also don’t want to feel your pain. You can make the audience like you by coming across as sincere, confident, and competent. Avoid starting with some bad canned joke. Instead, thank them for being there. Above all don’t share your fears of failure. If you’re engaging, warm, and personable, as well as informative and professional, you’ll all leave feeling the session was a good investment of time. Your self-esteem and their opinion of you will all benefit.

Commandment Number 2: Balance information and entertainment.

There are many ways to lose an audience. Unless you’re a celebrity or handing out money, few people will walk in excited about your talk. Even if you’re passionate about your subject, don’t forget other people might be bored. And if you dull an interesting subject with poor delivery, you’re sure to disappoint. Ditto for preaching. People like stories. Salt your presentation with short and relevant anecdotes about yourself or other people. These can serve as object lessons in success and failure. Use an array of examples to keep them awake while you feed them information.

Commandment Number 3: Repeat your key points often.

Tell them up front, “I have 5 things I want to make sure you leave this room knowing.” Have a handout with the key points simply stated. Be sure your contact info is on it (proofread, proofread, proofread!), especially if you want to market to them later. Organize your presentation in the same order as the handout. Start and end each segment with the one-liner about that point. Repeat keywords. Consider asking them to repeat key phrases in unison with you. At the end of your talk, after the Q&A, repeat the 5 points. End with the key phrase you like best when you say good-bye.

Commandment Number 4: Engage and involve.

Think of activities the audience can participate in. This keeps them awake and tuned it. Ask them to guess at statistics before you quote them. Ask them rhetorical questions to consider. Ask them to raise their hands if they’ve experienced something similar to whatever you’re exhorting or lamenting. Pick a volunteer. (Note: this perks people up like a cattleprod, because people like seeing colleagues suffer in public). Ask the audience to toss out ideas that you write on a board. Bribe them with candy or quarters if they come up with something great, especially if it’s something you can incorporate into your next presentation.

Commandment Number 5: Don’t rely on props.

You’re instinct will be to hide behind slides, PowerPoint, videos, anything that distracts people’s attention. Avoid equipment you don’t know how to run, especially things that are prone to malfunction like computers, movies, and presentation software. If you must have technology: test it twice; be sure you can operate it from the podium with one hand; or have someone else responsible for managing it. Keep people’s attention focused on you, not on a screen. If you want your key points written legibly on a whiteboard behind you,  great. But don’t make act like a professor mumbling a lecture. Make them want and need to look at you. If you’re a guest, have business cards to hand out.

Commandment Number 6: Master your image and body language.

Avoid both the undertaker look and rock star glam. Find a style that’s comfortable for you and that’s appropriate for the setting. Image includes how you dress, how you talk, and your facial and body language. Avoid new or tight fitting clothes.  Choose an outfit that’s professional. You should look poised, like you feel happy about being in the public eye, not trussed and stuffed, ready for the gallows. Have some bright aspect to pull the eye, be it a tie, scarf, or jewelry. Get a haircut a week, not the night, before. Be animated but not a one-person band or Vegas show. Smile, don’t puke. Stay hydrated, but not so much that you’re ready to run down the hall.

Commandment Number 7: Interact with the whole room.

Make sure you move your head when you talk. Think of yourself like an orchestra conductor, playing different sections of the room. Look directly (yes, real eye contact) with random individuals in the room. If you hit a scowler, move on to someone who’s nodding supportively. if there’s Q&A, plant one question to get it going and an easy last question, so they leave on an upbeat note, confident in what you’ve said. If you get asked a toughie, say “good question” and take a swig from your water glass while you think up an answer. Don’t be afraid to say, I need to check that out and email you.

Commandment Number 8: Use legible cue cards.

Make a set of easy-to-handle 4×6 cards to look at during the presentation. Once you’re on a roll, you probably won’t need them, but keep them moving in pace with your talk, so you can glance down if you need a prompt. Write keywords for your main points and to cue anecdotes (e.g.: Contracts – ownership; McClain project; Scheduling – Sadie & Brad; bad Mondays). Use large fonts, something you can see if you peek down very very quickly. Experiment to see how big they have to be to read them under stress. Have two sets in case you spill your drink on one.

Commandment Number 9: Practice, practice, practice.

It’s scary to do, because it makes the whole thing real. But after you stop planning your escape to Rio, you’ll start to be motivated. Time yourself. If you have three hours of material and only 30 minutes to talk, you’re going to disappoint everyone. Write it out and SPEAK IT ALOUD. Decide what you most need to say. Then trim or embellish as time permits. When showtime comes, you’re going to speak faster in the beginning (because you’ll be nervous). But if you know that you know what’s coming, you’ll slow down and relax into your talk. Like any other athlete, knowing your routine gets you a better score.

Commandment Number 10: Forgive yourself.

Your worst critic will be you. Here’s the good news: few people are taken off a podium and executed or publicly chastised. The worst that can happen is that you’ll never be asked to make another presentation. That may even sound like a reward now, but afterwards you’ll be surprised, because you’ll want another shot. Even if you’re one of those people from another galaxy who craves attention, it takes time and practice to get good at working a room. Be yourself. Be authentic. Stay present.

These commandments may not take away all your fears. But if you follow even half of them, you’ll improve your performance enough that everyone will think well of your efforts. Bottom line: make people care about being there with you. If you can do that, there’s lots of kudos in your future.

Show Time!

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments

for Acing Your Interview

Congratulations. You made the cut! You’re on the list of people to be interviewed for a job. Maybe it’s your dream job or maybe it’s just a job you need to pay the rent. Either way, it’s a chance to practice your interviewing skills and make a good impression on a person or group of people who might play a big role in your future. So how do you get from the auditions to the starring cast, from the silent cameo to the Oscars? Start with the commandments below:

Commandment Number1: Do your homework

If the company has a website, go through it from home to contact pages. Learn everything you can about the company, the key players, what they do, how they make their money, their mission, their products, their financial history. Read the bios (especially if you know who’s going to interview you). Study the org chart. Google them for articles about the company on the internet. Collect clues about what makes them money, what their reputation and prospects are. See how the job you are applying for might fit into that future.

Commandment Number 2: Look the part.

If you’re applying to be a file clerk, don’t show up in a three-piece suit. But if you’re going to a classy law firm, leave your running shoes at the gym. Above all, go for an outfit that you feel comfortable in. Nothing with stains or odor. And nothing so new and shiny that you look like you’re in a rented costume. How you wear your clothes and your body will make people feel at ease with you. The more comfortable you look and feel, the easier it is for interviewers to imagine you around them day-to-day. And be sure to avoid any cologne or after-shave that might bother a sensitive interviewer.

Commandment Number 3: Have your answers ready.

You should have an anecdote prepared for each job on your resume. Know what you liked best about it, what was your greatest achievement, and know why you left. Don’t be so practiced that you sounds like a politician giving a stump speech, but know your answers. Practice your delivery till you sound thoughtful, casual, and professional, all at once. Deliver the truth about tough situations without slamming your former supervisors. Your listeners might hear you subbing in their names in some future interview. Have a neutral cover story for bad endings. If you got fired, have a good story ready to explain why. ( Review: “My boss was a jerk” is an example of a very bad answer. “I’d run out of challenges.” sounds much better.)

Commandment Number 4: Don’t undersell.

There are places in life for false modesty but a job interview is not one of them. The reason you are there is to convince the people on the other side of the table that you are better  than the other applicants for the job. Don’t say you can do things that you can’t (see Commandment #5). But don’t shuffle your feet, stare at the floor, and mumble “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve never tried anything like that before. Is it hard?” If they ask you about some xyz that you haven’t specifically done, say “Not exactly, but I have done abc.” And then launch into some success story, assuming xyz and abc are related. Always stress that you are a quick learner, good with new software, and that you balance independence with communication.

Commandment Number 5: Don’t oversell.

Interviewers can smell a con job a mile away. Try lying to your bathroom mirror and see the plethora of visual cues you’ll give them if you’re faking too much. If you try to fool them and fail, you’ll never make the next cut. If interviewers use keywords or jargon that’s not familiar, it could be intentional, to see how you’ll cope with unknowns. Ask for a definition, or an example of how it is used in their organization. See if you can relate it to something in your experience. But if you haven’t gotten past Physics 101, don’t claim to be a rocket scientist. Honesty is more valuable to an employer than an inflated ego that might cause costly mistakes.

Commandment Number 6: Ask intelligent questions.

Focus on the company, the job, and your part on the team. Ask about the short- and long-run projects and priorities and how this position fits into the overall picture. Ask what traits and experience they most need. Don’t ask about salary or benefits until they offer you the job. Your priority (as they see it) should be to learn about what you’d be doing, how it is useful to the mission of the company, and what they most value in that position. The point of your questions is to highlight your strengths, both experiential and personal. Show them you can think and talk at the same time. And then listen carefully to their answers.

Commandment Number 7: Display a range of personality.

Make them laugh and make them take you seriously. Show enthusiasm and specific intelligence about the tasks you’d be performing. But also be the kind of colleague they can imagine having a bad day in the trenches with. Make them want to have you around when the going is tough, as well as trusting you to prevent that from happening. Be seen as the perfect utility infielder. And for goodness sake be prepared to answer questions about the biggest challenges you’ve overcome, your biggest failure, and your biggest weakness. A classic answer is, I work too hard, but it is becoming a cliché. Above all, show flexibility and resilience, plus a sense of humor.

Commandment Number 8: Make your contact personal.

No matter how many folks are across the table from you, develop a sense of rapport with each of them.  Make sure to create a personal connection. Have a handshake that is firm and not clammy. Make eye contact around the table. You don’t have to use their names in answers (which some people find annoying), but you should convey the sense that you are comfortable around them, that you’d fit in. They have the final vote on whether or not you make it to the next stage of review. So make sure they can distinguish you from the pool of other applicants. Leave them with a sense of why you are unique and the right choice. Make them want to go to bat for you.

Commandment Number 9: Supply good references.

This includes not just a one-sheet with accurate name, phone number, email, and how they know you, but access to people who will say something specifically good about your performance, especially as it relates to the job you are applying for. Nothing is as impressive as a great letter. But some companies have been sued over bad references, and now have policies about giving only name, job title, and dates of employment. Silence is not golden, it will hurt you by the implication that they won’t break the rules to be positive about you. Be persistent. Find a supervisor, or at a minimum a coworker, who is willing to say something positive and specific about your experience and achievements. Good words include reliable, accurate, responsible, trustworthy, innovative, cost-conscious, and dependable.

Commandment Number 10: Send a thank you note.

And do it right away. In the olden days, a handwritten note would be great. But now, an email ensures that you’ll get onto their screen the next day, while they are still winnowing the interviewees into the ultimate short list. Collect business cards and email addresses. Address the note to the lead person and cc others. Be sure to say your version of: Thanks for the interview. I liked you. I’m excited about the possibilities. I think I’m the right fit for the job. I hope you think so too. I really look forward to working with you all.

After that, whether or not you get the job is an unfathomable combination of luck, karma, and who else is in the pool the same time as you. Keep visualizing yourself working there, happily cashing your paycheck. And pray for the phone to ring.

On Your Mark…Go!

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for Starting the Year Off Right

The holidays were last month. A few actual weeks of M-F, 9-5 and reality is sinking in: the fun is over and they actually expect you to work for your paycheck. No more parties, less schmoozing, no juicy bonus fantasies to keep you smiling. It’s back to the grind. Work, work, work. Accountability. Yikes.

And if that weren’t enough, those pesky, familiar, resolutions that sounded so promising a few weeks ago are like one more should sitting heavy in your gut. So how can you use January to turn them into reality? How can you make 2006 a happy and successful time? Start here:

Commandment # 1. Clean your desk.

It may sound simple but it will force you to get a handle on where you’ve been. Fruitcake stupor or too much shopping, December takes its toll. Rather than feeling like you’ve been dumped onto concrete, take some control of your re-entry. Buried under the seasons greetings and the cookie crumbs are important things you need to remember, things you once thought you wanted to do, things that other people, the people who pay your paycheck, expect you to do. Get yourself off to a rolling start. Clean through email, assemble files, make stacks, make lists, remember what’s due this month. Get out your calendar and set priorities for the next few weeks. Once you’re back in the saddle, you’ll start to feel better.

Commandment # 2. Catch up on your work.

Let’s face it, no matter how diligent you planned to be, it’s impossible not slack off at least a little during the holidays. You’re in luck, as most other folks have done the same. But the smart ones are going to act as though they’ve been pulling team weight all along, and deserve everyone’s thanks for doing so. Figure out what’s due and when, what you need to have from yourself and others to make it so. Then roll up your sleeves and get busy. Accomplish even some small steps for the deadlines you need to meet; they’ll inspire more action soon. Send emails to the right people to show you’re on top of the new year. Do what needs to be done, even if it means some aerobic sprints to catch up.

Commandment # 3. Update your resume.

Think about how other people see you: your resume is the two-dimensional window they look through. Even if you’re not looking to change jobs, it’s a good exercise to do every year. It’s a reminder of what you’ve done in your current job, what you’re good at that you, your employer, and any prospective new employer should value, and what you’d have to sell on the job market if something pink appears with your paycheck. Update your accomplishments, list new skills and current references who’ll sing your praises. Your updated resume will boost your confidence for the here and now as well as for the future possible. It’ll help you be ready to apply for internal promotions as well as identify areas in which you should seek additional experience or training.

Commandment # 4. Do a reality check of your career.

Take a survey of your work life. Be honest and realistic when you do so. First, see what’s fulfilling and what’s lacking. Make two lists: on the left side of the page write everything you like about your current situation; on the right side identify what you want different by December. Step two: see where your commitment and motivation intersect. On the right list, highlight the words that are most important to accomplish. (At a minimum identify the most important sectors where you want to make changes.) On the left list, circle what you’d be willing to sacrifice some of in order to make those changes happen. You don’t need to start on all of them tomorrow. But getting your brain wrapped around the trade-offs will help make them real. Open your mind first; your body will follow.

Commandment # 5. Set some specific goals.

Your goals may be around those pesky 20 pounds, a promotion, raise, new office, or even a new job. Whatever the specifics, name them and plant them in the center of your psychic bulls-eye. Believing you’re worth the upgrade is the first step to achieving it. Visualize yourself in the new situation. Imagine yourself vibrant and strong. Then start every day on the way to work with a mantra. Repeat several times to yourself: I deserve to [your personal goal here]. [Note: it helps do to this quietly so people don’t think you’re a muttering loon, but it really does help to say them out loud. It’s been documented that speaking the words has an actual impact on the value you give them and the motivation they give you.] Action follows intention. Decide where you want to go and you’ll start taking steps to get there.

Commandment #6. Do for others.

Not much in life beats feeling like you’ve helped. Acts of kindness and usefulness enhance any day. They’ll make you feel good as well as productive. If you have a chance to help a co-worker (especially one that you like or want to have like you), take it. That can mean anything from making copies or getting coffee to using your brain. Don’t worry about getting credit for what you do, or the time it takes from your own projects. You’ll be more efficient with those commitments later. The same goes for assisting people on whose team you’d like to earn a place. Volunteer to be the extra pair of hands on a rush job. Participate in brainstorming sessions for new projects. Become someone people want to have around in a crunch. It’ll help your reputation and how you’re valued.

Commandment #7. Let others do for you.

You don’t always have to be the hero. When you’re offered helping hands, take them, assuming they’re competent and caring about your welfare. As good as helping makes you feel, it feels as good to others. There are times when you simply cannot get everything done that you need to if you try to do it on your own. If it’s a choice of being late or doing a bad job on a deadline, don’t waste more than a few minutes wondering if it’s okay to ask for help. There’s no shame in cashing in some reciprocal buddy chits and in building a team of reliable folks for mutual crisis support. Ask for help when you need it, and take it when it’s offered. Say thank you graciously, and maybe even with chocolate.

Commandment # 8. Balance work and life.

Work effectively when you’re at your job. But also think about what makes you happy, what you want from life, what you like about how you’ve done it so far and what you want to change. This doesn’t have to be a heavy exercise in deep psychology. But it’s healthy to balance out stress and the daily grind with some intentionally non-productive time. Give your energy sincerely and with focus wherever you are. If you’re at work, then work. If you’re off-duty, then allow yourself the freedom of mind to be with the ones you’re with. Without people who care about you, money and success can feel emptier than you expect. Nourish your heart as well as your wallet.

Commandment # 9. Make time for taking care of you.

You give at work, give to family, give to friends. Give yourself the best gift of all, the gift of time. For at least 30 minutes a day, let yourself do whatever you most want in that moment, without guilt. Pick up your book or pet the cat. Let your blood pressure drop and remember how to relax. Make time to walk, to breath fresh air, to look at the moon, to watch grass grow. Use your body as more than transport from Point A to Point B. Taking good care of your physical self will boost your resilience, your immune system, and give you a greater sense of happiness. The glow will show and people will be more drawn to you. People, btw, includes bosses and interviewers, as well as friends and family.

Commandment # 10. Choose happiness.

Remember that the more often you choose to be happy, the more likely you will be. Make yourself a priority this year by lightening up. Play more often. Sing in the shower or the car. Let yourself indulge in people and experiences. Play can mean time with yourself or any significant other, one on one, or with groups from your sports team to your choir. It can mean learning something new or practicing something old. It can even mean shopping. Whatever makes you feel like you’re having fun, give yourself a little more of it each week. You’ve earned it.

A brilliant holiday card said simply: Hope. Magic. Inspiration. Use those thoughts to start your year off right. If you practice these commandments, and inspire yourself with hope, you’ll be into a happier new rhythm by spring.

To Go or Not to Go? That is the Question
Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments
for Deciding about a Job Change

We’ve all had those days, the ones where we feel trapped, pent up like a caged tiger in our office or cubicle. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Can time go any s…l…o…w…e…r…??????

What do you do when you’re bored with your job? When there’s a movie you’d much rather see than writing a memo about different brands of toner. How do you cope when only the mortgage keeps you from telling your boss “I can’t take it anymore. I’m outta here.”

If you’re bored, seriously bored enough that it can’t be cured by some days off this week or long weekends next month to look forward to, you’re going to have to face the big question: to go or not to go? Take a deep gulp. Ask yourself if you’re ready to take a cold, hard look at what you do for a living, and why. When the answer’s yes, use these commandments to help you decide about staying or hitting the road.

Commandment Number 1: Be honest with yourself.

In everything that follows, your ability to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help whatever is sacred to you, will be critical. If you convince yourself you can work night shift, when your body clock gets you up at 5 a.m., you’re going to end up miserable somewhere different, and cranky to boot. If you want the money that a CPA makes, but hate numbers, you’re going to have to spin the wheel and pick again. Your ability to name and claim your virtues, your flaws, and your priorities is a critical, necessary, and ultimately pivotal ingredient in this process. You can fool yourself some of the time, but why start there. This is a chance for a fresh start, where you are or some place new. So buy a first class ticket with the truth.

Commandment Number 2: Take an inventory of your life.

Before you tackle your work life specifically, you need to see where it fits into the big picture of your world. Draw a wagon wheel without a rim, where each spoke is a different part of your world. Identify the sectors of your life that matter and name each spoke: family, finances, friendship, romance, health, spirituality, etc. as well as work. If your life is great, make a mark at or nearer the outer perimeter of the spoke. If it’s lousy, mark close to the center of the wheel. So-so, in the middle. Then connect the marks. If you end up with a big round circle, you’re probably not really bored and your life is full, rich, and grand (or you’re not being honest)! If you get a round wheel, but a teeny one, everything is ^&$&^(&^-y. Most folks get a lumpy wheel on which to roll though life. But why settle for that, if you’re really ready for change.

Commandment Number 3: Take an inventory of your work life.

Now do the same exercise, but specifically for your career and your work life. The categories will be different, but not completely so. Sure, you’ll look at income and whether or not you have friendships at work. But you should also consider practical matters like schedule and commuting patterns, as well as prospects for advancement, fit with your educational level, and what you spend your work hours doing. Note: It’s important to do this exercise twice: once on a good day, a day when you’ve gotten complimented for a job well done; and also on a day when you are restless and bored. Compare your wheels. Both sets of insights are relevant and will inform the next set of choices that you will examine.

Commandment Number 4: Think about how you cope with change.

This commandment goes well with your favorite form of self-indulgence, like a glass of comfort or a bag of chips or cookies. Change is scary. Most of us, when confronted with the prospect of uprooting our lives, turn to more serous forms of self-sabotage, like picking a fight with our loved ones, or turning into oncoming traffic. Instead of self-destructive behavior, try to stay conscious. Take some time to really ask yourself if you are ready to make a shift, and if not, what you can do to get yourself that way. This might mean prancing around in your interview clothes, a diet to drop ten pounds, or writing a list of everything you hate about looking for work. Then read the help wanted for a reality check about what’s out there that you qualify for. This step is sobering, but can also be inspirational.

Commandment Number 5: Make the money aspects real.

Look at what you need to make it through each month and year. Understand your baseline financial needs. Look at your assets and savings. Look at your debts and obligations, both monthly and annual. Make a budget. Examine the fixed and variable costs in your life and decide if you’re ready to make some sacrifices, short-run deprivation for long-run benefit. Short run investments for long-run return. If you are already too encumbered, your shift may pause for a while. This is a strategic part of the process. It will help you decide if you need to stay in your job while you look, or if you can afford to risk committing yourself to a full-time work search. There are few things as satisfying as acting out your feelings in the moment. But few as dangerous as having jumped too soon when a good plan would have kept you solvent.

Commandment Number 6: Prepare your family.

Sit down with those who share your financial reality or who will have to listen to your whining if you do or don’t leave. Brace them for changes you cannot predict. Ask their opinion. [Note: If you are single, talk to your three best friends, people who know your moods, your needs, and your priorities.] Tell them you are truly not decided what to do, except that some change is inevitable or you’re going to become unhappier. The conversation may frighten them, but they’re not the ones who have to go to your job every day, to put up with your cranky boss or unreasonable workload. It may also relieve them to learn that your moods are not related to their behavior. Explain your reasons for wanting change. Ask for the help you’ll need through the process. That may range from emotional support to networking. Your goal is to engage their support, inspire them to help, and get them to keep you honest. Tell them to keep asking you the hard questions, and to serve as your mirror and cheerleader.

Commandment Number 7: Update your resume.

Fish it out of whatever directory or drawer you stashed it in when you landed your last job. Read it like a critical stranger. What does it say about the person you were then. Now imagine updating it for the person you have become since you took this job. Think of what new skills you’ve acquired and how you can document what you’ve done. But remember too that the whole reason you’re looking for work is because you want something different than what you have. Otherwise, why would you move? Think about the different ways you might realistically sell yourself. Practice writing two or three resumes, with different perspectives, like management, customer service, or something technical. Imagine your possible futures and see which make you yawn and which get you excited.

Commandment Number 8: Reinvigorate your reality.

Now that your creative juices are flowing, think of ways to make your current job better. Think of a new project you can tackle or a problem that you’re willing to use a dramatic new solution to resolve. Talk to your supervisor. Tell him/her that you’re hungry for new challenges. Ask to be a team leader for something. Try to attract some attention and get recognition from the people who matter. Ask about possible changes of responsibility, schedule, teammates, salary, whatever needs a fix. Think of changes that would make you excited about coming to work every day. Note: If your boss asks if you’re gonna leave unless you get your way, swear the loyalty oath M-F, 8-5. You can keep your fingers crossed behind your back. But do say you want to utilize more of your potential.

Commandment Number 9: Try on an attitude readjustment.

You’ll need to be perky in a new job anyhow, so this is great time to practice your professional smile, fake or sincere. The truth is, on any given week, most people would rather be on vacation than at work, so if your misery longs for company you have lots of it. But who wants to be miserable or hang around someone who is? Look at your list of positives about work. Every day find a way to express gratitude for those. Figure out a strategy to work on the negatives while you upgrade your current job or find your new one. Choosing to be happy has delightful and unpredictable benefits. It’ll make the short-run feel shorter and better. It may even increase the chances you’ll land something new, because people like to hire people they think they’ll enjoy working with.

Commandment Number 10: Network, network, network.

There’s a vast web of connections that will help you hear about jobs, all within a sentence or two of your next conversation. You have no way of knowing who knows whom or about what job. Now’s the time to amplify your ability to get into any line that’s forming for any position you might care about. Find contacts at places that are hiring. Let people know–people where you play, pray, and pay–that you’re looking for a good new change. If they ask what you want, say you’ve been doing X but you’re also open to Y or Z. Use words like challenge and responsibility, not bored and frustrated. Ask if they’ll keep their eyes and ears open. Tell them you can supply good professional and character references that’ll reflect well on them for the referral.

The most important element in this process is you. Your attitude and your willingness to step up. To beat the blahs of boredom, say yes to every possibility and match it against your life wheels. When the right opportunity comes along, roll on down the road with a happy and satisfied smile.

Struttin’ Your Stuff:
Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for Resume Writing

There’s nothing like having a connection at the other end, someone you
know personally, or even a friend of a friend, some receptive audience on whose
desk your resume will land. But regardless of who’s going to read your resume,
what you put on it and how it looks will help determine if you get an interview,
and possibly even land the job or if you get round-filed.

Consider your resume as an extension of your self. It represents your
history and to some degree your personality. Think of it like a two-dimensional
greeting card. (Note: Three-dimensional resumes will be the subject of a future
column.) So try these ten commandments and boost your chances of getting to
the next step in the hiring process:

 
Commandment Number 1: Make a good first impression.

Think of it this way: the person who will hold your resume to decide if you go into
the maybe or never pile will spend perhaps as few as 10 seconds before
deciding. You’ve got to make a good impression, and quickly. The minimum: No
coffee stains, postage due, or anything that looks remotely like it went through a
typewriter. Next level: decent paper, a font that’s easy on the eyes, and good
organization. If someone asked to see your resume because they know you, you
might get a solid minute of attention, but that’s usually the upper limit. So ask
yourself, what do I want this person to remember about me, and what is s/he
looking for, in an employee and a person to fill a particular position. Make your
resume an invitation to learn more about you. Look intelligent, organized, and
efficient.

Commandment Number 2: Think like the reader.

The single most important thing you can do in preparing your resume is to read it
like a stranger. You are so used to being you that it is easy to forget that the
person who will hold it doesn’t know you. Make no assumptions about your life,
and anticipate assumptions others may make about you. See yourself the way
you look to a total stranger who has only a couple of pieces of paper to go by.
What horror story is lurking in that several-year gap in employment? Why so
many short-term jobs? You do what as a hobby?

 
Commandment Number 3: Tell the truth.

It’s always tempting to embellish, to add a little gloss and glitter, up the ante on
your job titles and responsibilities. And a good euphemism can transform a
mundane-sounding job into something that seems classier, more responsible,
and more important. But if you get caught in a lie you might as well save the
stamp. Be sure your dates of employment are accurate (months and years are
better than just years), your job title is accurate, and your salary info is correct.
Any detail that can be verified is a landmine. Don’t step on it.

 
Commandment Number 4: Think skills, not chronology.

Scan down the page. If what jumps out at you is a list of bolded dates, you are
selling time, not your assets. Organize your resume by sections that are clearly
identified: Goal, Skills, Professional Experience, Education, Other Information,
References. Be sure what is most apparent are words the employer wants to
see, not just a list of dates. When a reader skims the page, what should be left
and bolded is the list of skills and job titles, words and concepts that help to
promote you. Employer and dates detail should be below the job titles in the
Experience section, italicized, and non bold. The skills and accomplishments
come first, like the worm wriggling on the hook of your life.

 
Commandment Number 5: Highlight your strengths.

Under Skills, have big headings that show off what you’re selling. You’ll shift the
order around for each job you are applying for. Think about headings like
Personnel Management (or Supervision), Budgeting and Finance (or Cash
Management), and Client Relations (or Customer Service). Or even other skills
like Writing and Editing, Organizational Development, Meeting Coordination, or
Fundraising. Be sure at least one category involves money. Computer skills go
last. Detail all the software you can even moderately use. It may seem simplistic
but hearing that an applicant can use word, excel, powerpoint, IBM and Mac is
always reassuring.

 
Commandment Number 6: Look experienced, versatile, and successful.

For each title in the Skills section, include a bulleted list of achievements. Each
heading should contain at least three items (or it should be under another
category). Be sure to highlight anything you did to bring in income or save the
company money. Avoid generics; be specific and illustrative. Instead of saying
“supervised staff,” say “managed a department of eight staff, and was
responsible for hiring, firing, annual assessment of departmental efficiency, job
descriptions, and performance review. Make your achievements potential for
their own future.

 
Commandment Number 7: Sometimes less is more.

In the remaining sections be brief but explanatory. For the jobs under the
Experience section, give a job title, business, employment dates, and a one or
two sentence summary of what you did. For education, put the key elements and
degrees, not every supplementary keyboarding class or you’ll look desperate.
For interests and hobbies, tread carefully. Discrimination may be illegal, but it is
hard to prove that you didn’t get an interview because the personnel officer is
prejudiced against Rasta akateboarders. Give enough to show your value, but
not your whole life saga.

 
Commandment Number 8: Detail your references.

Go far past the “references available upon request” standard. Have a separate
page (with your contact info as a header) with the name, current phone number
and email address for each reference. Be sure to identify them by title and
company, and specify what their relationship to you is. (For example: Supervisor
of my outside sales experience: Beth Jones, Sales Manager, XYZ Corp,
123.456.7890, bjones@xyzcorp.com) And if you have a letter that says you walk
on water, add it to the packet. In the ten seconds of attention, at least five will go
to a letter that ends with “You’re making a mistake by not at least interviewing
him.”

 
Commandment Number 9: Make them want to know you better.

Tailor the cover letter for the specific job you are applying for. You don’t have to
slobber your interest, but be clear about why you want it and why you are the
right person for them to consider. Talk simply, not in jargon. Avoid cliches and
generalities. Sound sincere, articulate, and personal, as well as professional. Use
whatever clues you can get from the ad. Check out the company’s website if
possible. Even if your qualifications are going to a blind POB, address your letter
to Human Resources or Selection Committee, not To Whom It May Concern.
Remember, your letter is the beginning of a ten-second infomercial for you.
Become someone they want to meet.

 
Commandment Number 10: Proofread. Proofread. Proofread.

Do it one more time and get a meticulous friend to do the same. Nothing will get
you tossed into the reject pile faster than a typo. Do not rely solely on an
automated spellchecker, which will give you form when you want from, or some
other correctly spelled word in the wrong place. When you say detail oriental
(when you mean detail oriented), you lose all credibility. And be sure to get the
contact name, the company’s address, and other relevant details 100% accurate,
or all your hard work is in vain.

 
You won’t score an interview for every job you apply for. But you can use the
commandments above to improve your odds of getting considered for one.

Keeping Yourself Psyched

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for Job Hunting, Career Transitions, and Other Seemingly Endless Periods of Your Life When You’re Waiting for the World to Discover How GREAT You Are

Looking for a new job or changing your career can be exciting, but it can also be
a time of stress and anxiety, especially because you don’t know how long will last. It’s a
period of opportunity, of growth. Your future is filled with new challenges and
adventures, unpredictible experiences, chances to learn and excel, new friendships and
successes you haven’t even dreamed about yet.

But first you’ve got to land the job.

You know how good you are and how much you’re worth hiring. But as days and
weeks go by without someone else noticing, without plucking your resume from the
stack, calling you for an interview, saying “You’re The One we’ve been waiting for!” and
handing you a benefits package and a paycheck, it can be harder and harder to keep
yourself psyched. And if you’re not psyched about yourself, it’s a lot harder to convince
the hiring committee that you’re the greatest possible choice they can make.

When you’re looking for work, your first and most important job is keeping up
your self confidence. If you can do that successfully, your next job is much closer than if
you just coast along hoping someone will notice you. This ranks right up there with
having a good resume and sending in applications.

So what’s the trick? How do you keep yourself so stoked that you look like the
prize everyone wants to win?

Each of the ten commandments below is a different tool in your self-esteem
toolbox. They’ll help you network, help you interview, help you keep yourself mentally
ready and psychologically prepped. You may not use each of them each every day or at
every interview, but if you remember to remember them, you’ll be able to keep your
energy and your confidence higher.

 
Commandment 1. Ask for What You Want:

When you’re leaving an interview, don’t be shy about taking one extra minute. Say in your most sincere voice, “Thanks for taking this time with me. I really want to work with you. You’ll always be glad you selected me.”

 
Commandment 2. Think Strategically:

You could get hired tomorrow, but maybe not. Plan how to make your money (or credit) stretch to some unknown time. Budget for interview clothes, transportation, for rent, phone, and postage.

Commandment 3. Treat Other People Well:

It’s easy to feel grumpy if you’re not getting calls or feeling appreciated. But remember to be friendly, whether it’s to your mailman or people whom you call to ask about work. Practice being likable. Your attitude will show in interviews.

 
Commandment 4. Keep Asking Questions:

If there’s a company name on a job listing, call the Human Resources department. Get a name on the other end. See if you can establish a relationship as well as learn more about the specific job. Ask about as-yet-unposted positions too.

 
Commandment 5. Work Every Angle:

You never know who knows about a job. Tell everyone you meet that you’re looking and what you hope to find. Sound enthused, not depressed. Be the catch that they can call up their friend and say “Your worries are over. I found you just the right person.”

 
Commandment 6. Use Charm and Chutzpah:

Put something clever on your resume, a quote, an anecdote, something to make it stand out from the pile of applicants. Be the person they want to meet, to learn more about, to have in their office.

 
Commandment 7. Say What Needs to Be Said:

When you get into the interview room, make the interviewers like you. Have some good stories that show up your strengths. Make them laugh. You want them to feel good about meeting you, as well as thinking that you’re qualified.

 
Commandment 8. Enjoy the Ride as Much as the Win:

Changing jobs is a rare opportunity to take some time for yourself. Yes, your job is looking for your next job. But it’s also a time to go to the park and talk to some trees, to take some time to think about what you really want from your next job.

 
Commandment 9. Make Your Own Good Luck:

Take a piece of paper and write down all your fears about unemployment, low pay, bad working conditions. All of them. Now burn it. Toss the ashes in the trash. Do the same for all your hopes and dreams. Keep this list in your wallet and add everything to it that you think of and want. Read it at least once a week.

 
Commandment 10. Believe in Yourself:

Remind yourself regularly how good you are at what you do. Write a list of your accomplishments. Ask friends to send you positive messages and email. Every night before you go to sleep, visualize yourself successful and happy in your new job. Say to yourself “The right job will find me and appreciate me.”

You’re the best person for that job. And soon it will be yours.

Deja You:
25 Things You Should Have Learned Yesterday
and Should Practice Tomorrow
(and every day after…)

How many times have you muttered to yourself, Wish I’d known that
before?!!! The fact of the matter is this: if you take the
time now to harvest some important lessons, not just from last year
but from your whole working life, you can make this year and the next
ones much happier and more fulfilling. And yourself more successful in
the process.

 
Let’s get clear. The list could be much longer. But 25 is a great
number. This list is not ranked by importance, so don’t lose track of
either end of the list. If you want to be happy and successful you’ll
have to get better at multi-tasking all these diverse things.

 
1. Think strategically: No matter your age, think about your work
life as a story arc: starting out, getting experience, earning more,
having more authority, mentoring, eventual retirement. As you
progress along this paradigm, ask how each action serves your
higher goals.

 
2. Treat other people well: There’s no profession that doesn’t
involve others, whether you’re a doctor or a bus driver. The nicer
you are, the nicer you’ll feel. The kinder you are, the more others
will help you succeed. The more good-will you generate, the quicker
your working hours will go.

 
3. Do a + and – list annually: If you wake up dreading going to work
you probably already know the minuses outnumber the pluses. But
do a checklist of where your working world ranks on a scale of 1-
10. Think about everything from salary to commute time, chances
for learning and advancement to whether you love or loathe your
colleagues. Do this every year within a month of your birthday or
hire date.

 
4. Review your resume annually: It’s easy to forget how good you
are or that you might need to prove it to someone new later. Ditto
that you might be stuck and not changing in your current job. Keep
your resume up to date with newly acquired skill sets and
accomplishments. If you’re ever unemployed you’d need to update
it for real. This’ll give you perspective and a big leg up.

 
5. Keep your options open. Even if you like your job, keep your
eyes and ears open. Listen to how other people talk about their
days, their duties, and their bosses. Pay attention to what they say
about advancement and openings. Look at WW, the Sunday
classifieds, or job boards to see what’s out there, and to learn what
people will pay for what you do.

 
6. If you’re not happy, look around. Do everything above and
follow up with a resume. Be sure to say your search is confidential
in your cover letter. Whether or not your phone rings or email
chimes will help you litmus test your value and options, as well as
how you represent your experience.

 
7. Have private email. Best would be if to avoid anything except
work while at work. No forwarding cat videos or pictures of your
friends or weekends. Work time is for work. And be extra very
especially absolutely certain not to use your employer’s server to
look for another job. Nothing you do on their email is confidential.
8. Don’t gossip. None of us is immune to the lure of gossip. We all
enjoy the secret thrill of watching others go down in flames or be
exposed as adulterers or failures. But whatever you say about
others will fuel the flames when you commit some gross negligence
you cannot conceal. It happens to everyone. Be kind, and hope
others return the favor.

 
9. Don’t schtupp at work Don’t have affairs with bosses, colleagues,
or subordinates. Temptations may feel strong but NO reason is
good enough if you want to keep your job. ‘Nuff said.

 
10. Be careful what you post on social networking. Prospective
employers often google applicants. Unless you want them to see
you drunk and topless screaming Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!! in your
Pirate’s Day costume, keep those pics among you and your closest
friends. If you’ve been stupid in the past, scrub your image before
you ask someone new to pay you to be their new face.

 
11. Befriend all gatekeepers. Being able to get into the folks you
want to see can make or break you. In many organizations these
folks also monitor their bosses voice and email. If you want your
messages to get through be nice. Nothing smarmy but know their
names and make sure they like you.

 
12. Find good mentors. No one is successful on their own. Identify
folks higher on the food chain (one or two rungs) who seem
successful and to share your values. Meet with them to ask for
their help moving up. It may cost you some time helping on a pet
project, or a couple of beers, but could also pay off.

 
13. Don’t be a suck-up. Trust me, you’re a lot more transparent
than you think. No one likes a false flatterer, even the person
whose butt you are kissing. It’ll show and cost you more than
whatever benefits you hope to receive.

 
14. Be helpful. This doesn’t contradict the last one. You should be
available to lend a hand to help anyone out of a jam, friendly, and
courteous. Think Boy Scout instead of scam artist. You’ll need
folks to like you in order to succeed, and it’s hard to know what
you’ll need from whom when.

 
15. Don’t $&#% up!! No one is perfect but you can make
sure your work is spell-checked, proofed, cross-balanced, tallies,
and has the right dates, footers, phone numbers, footnotes, etc
whatever your field is. No one succeeds on their own. Having a
buddy to help with deadlines is important. Good people working
together make each other look better and your 8-5 more
tolerable.

 
16. Negotiate early and often. The best time to get a raise is before
you walk in the door. Once you have an offer, ask if there’s any
more they can give as base pay, or if you can be assured of a
raise after your probationary review. Yes it’s scary, but they’ve
just selected you. Cross your fingers, smile, and ask.

 
17. Keep asking questions. The more you know the better you’ll be
able to navigate office politics, stay ahead of possible lay-offs, or
get to the front of the line for upcoming promotions. Don’t act like
a spy, but an interested, gung-ho team player.

 
18. Learn new skills. Doing the same old same old too often will
make you dull. Be inquisitive about who’s doing what, and where
there’s room for you to do something new, learn a new technique,
or otherwise expand your skill set. You’ll look better to your
bosses and to future employers.

 
19. Casual doesn’t mean stained. Take a weekend to inventory
your work wardrobe. If things are spotted or ill-fitting, toss them
and buy something new (or used but clean). Even if you repeat
wearing the same clothes, you’ll look better than looking like you
don’t care about the impression you give others. Remember, no
matter your job description, you’re always selling yourself.

 
20. Make sure people see your extra effort. No one likes a
braggart. But if you go the extra distance and put in the extra
time, make sure the right folks know it. Send an important email
after hours; volunteer for the crunch deadline; become the person
people know they can rely on for that extra time and input. It’ll
pay off later.

 
21. Use charm and chutzpah. People like being around people who
make them feel good. Don’t become known as the class clown,
but be the one who people smile at sincerely when you walk into a
meeting. Be brave enough to tell the truth when it is called for,
and nice enough in how you deliver it.

 
22. Stay healthy. That’s everything from avoiding junk food in
vending machines to walking at lunch time. Take stairs instead of
elevators and short breaks regularly to drink water. Even if that
means walking in the rain or around the lobby of a building, get
your brain the oxygen it needs to keep your grey matter moving.

23. Don’t be a 2/47 slave. It’s fine to keep your smart phone
handy. But employers are hard to retrain. If they think you’ll
answer nights and weekends they will come to expect it. Make
sure you get regular detoxifying breaks from work. Everyone
needs time to get refreshed even if it’s a stay-cation of yard work
and movies. All work and no play will make you dull as an old
kitchen knife, and just as useful.

 
24. Choose to be happy. Even a bad job pays the rent. If you aren’t
wealthy and cannot afford to wait for your dream job, take
whatever’s closest to it. Look for the best you can in your current
circumstances, even if you need to give yourself a pep talk every
morning. Set goals about how to optimize your reality.

 
25. Make your own good luck. Just like the essential truth about
losing weight always comes down to eating less and moving more,
the essential truth about work is that you’re the person who has
to look out for yourself. That means knowing when to stay and
when to look for something better, when to ask for a raise and
when to wait, and choosing whom to trust.

These commandments are designed to help you jumpstart a good look
at your working world. Read them a couple of times and think about
which ones you think you need to act on. Ultimately, the most
important thing you can do is to ask yourself regularly Can I do better?
If the answer’s yes, then start doing.

When Your Boss is One Tough ***

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s 10 Commandments for

Learning Through Adversity

Everyone’s had a least one: the kind of nightmare boss that makes the sadistic drill instructor in some war movie seem like a kindly old grandmother. The kind of S** or B**** that makes you want to flee to the nearest corner bar and tank up, and then go home and vent for several hours.

Good news: you’re not alone. Even better news: Like cod liver oil or public speaking, this is an experience that’s not only good for you but going to improve you in ways you would never predict. Not saying it’s going to be fun and games along the way. Almost for sure guaranteeing that it won’t be. But the commandments below will help you minimize the pain and optimize the experience.

Commandment Number1: Sign up or get out.

You know the movie where they lead the convicted guy out of the courtroom in handcuffs, and he has this bleak look of imminent terror in his eyes as he shuffles to his doom? Handy tip: never look like that when you come into the office. If you really cannot imagine yourself working for this person another minute longer than you have to, work on your resume and devote every waking minute you can to getting a different job. But while you’re still there, follow the rest of the commandments.

Commandment Number 2: Take the loyalty oath.

You don’t have to love your *** Boss, but you have to accept his/her authority and leadership.  Nothing’s harder to deal with in a workplace than divided loyalties. While you’re in the job, you need to be on the team. Not half-heartedly, but with conviction and purpose. You need to be willing to make your boss look good, and make yourself look good in the process. Don’t go blabbing about his/her foibles and don’t do anything to undercut the success of your working group. As long as you are part of this team you are going to have to wear its colors. You can send out as many resumes as you want on your own time, but 8-5 M-F you are a devoted member of Team Tough.

Commandment Number 3: Cultivate respect.

Unless you work for an organization riddled with corruption or stupidity, there’s reasons (whether they be good, bad, silly, incomprehensible, nepotism, blackmail, or something like perceived merit, but very real) why your boss is your boss. S/he got promoted for achievement or potential that someone yet higher on the food chain than you are counting on to make the company money and/or do good deeds. Figure out what traits make your boss valuable in the eyes of the bossier bosses, and decide to appreciate them, perhaps even mimic them. Show your respect in how you speak and how you act, both directly to your boss and when you speak about him/her to others in the organization.

Commandment Number 4: Work hard, very hard.

A hard boss can be a good boss. A hard boss can also provide you an opportunity to show what an excellent employee you are. Anyone can skate under a lax or uncaring supervisor. But to shine under a tough boss will earn you the approval and respect of anyone who notices. And I can assure you that people do. Anyone in the working group will know what you’re facing and anyone outside it will be thanking their stars every day that they aren’t in the same boat. You may not know that folks in Human Resources watch this sort of thing, but they do Every organization has its own character and if you can demonstrate yours it will be to your great credit.

Commandment Number 5: Ask your boss to mentor you.

Take your finger out of your throat. Flattery is a wonderful lubricant. Make it work for you. There’s nothing more disarming than a person suggesting that you are a good role model or worth learning from. You may want to give your tongue a good cleansing scrape later, but if you can say something like the following to your boss, you may shift the dynamic from something bad to something better, or even to something good: “I know you’re a tough boss, but I want you to help make me the best employee I can become.” Then, no matter what the requirements, do your best to meet them.

Commandment Number 6: Learn, learn, learn.

No matter how tough your boss is, s/he has something to teach you. What got your boss the job that tells you what to do? Is it smarts, effort, persistence, or wily politics? Study your boss’s habits and see what you can learn about what your company values. Ask questions about how and why certain things are done as they are. Become a student of success and you will attract attention and kudos, perhaps from people even more important than your immediate supervisor. Remember, your goal is to get a promotion out of your current situation, so keep your eyes and ears open for chances to learn and to shine.

Commandment Number 6: Set goals and make them happen.

Nothing distracts from pain better than goal orientation and rewards for meeting them. You can use the goals your boss/mentor sets and/or set them for yourself. But be sure they are documented both before and after you meet them. When you have a review or evaluation, ask what would make you more of a success. Set standards and timelines, and identify short and long run rewards for yourself. When you’ve proven that you’re as good as your word, set an external goal and communicate it to your boss. As in, If I accomplish x, y, z could that merit me a raise? It raises the ante but will keep you focused.

Commandment Number 8: Keep your big mouth shut.

Like side-seat driving and Monday-morning quarterbacking, complaining about a tough boss is one of our favorite pastimes. It’s a way to vent the annoyance and frustration that builds up from feeling like you have no voice and that someone else has extraordinary and inappropriate power over you. You may desperately want to tell the tale of the latest abuse you’ve endured, in part to distress and in part for the need for raw sympathy. But remember that every story you tell has a life of its own, in the retelling by the listener who may not have your career goals in the center of their competitive bulls-eye. What your boss hears you have said may not be the truth and could come back to bite you somewhere tender.

Commandment Number 9: Network with your peers.

This may seem like a contradiction to Commandment number 8 but it is not. The truth is that on any given day any boss is a tough boss or a bad boss or an annoying boss. We all need to let off steam and we all need to know that everyone faces the same dilemmas. The trick is to be able to complain about the circumstances without personalizing it to the boss. If you can learn to do that you’ll be able to connect with others who are now lateral to you who might: get a promotion sooner and hire you away, be a better fit and want to swap places (note, also risky), or who might have networks in places they cannot move to but might be good for you.

Commandment Number 10: Take mental health breaks.

Most jobs have requisite break times for staff.  But I’m talking about actual unplugging from the 24/7 culture cultivated by tough bosses that assumes the boss has a higher place in our lives that family, health, or even God. Make sure you get downtime on weekends and on actual vacations. Even if it is a complete lie, say you’re going to be backpacking, sailing, or otherwise out of cell range. Make sure you have all your chores done before you leave the office and keep your files well documented. Because if something completely explodes when you do not answer you will certainly get the blame. But if you can keep things wired tight you should be able to unwire yourself enough to come in Mondays feeling optimistic and challenged, instead of angry and resentful.

One final note: It really is okay to have a beer, and to vent, and to find non-lethal ways of stress reduction. But remember never ever to let any of your frustration leak into your office. Everything you say will live on in someone’s memory and you do not want to become the target of an angry boss who can send you packing.

Look on this period the way you would boot camp. It’s a chance to develop some muscles that will serve you well when you land in easier places, and help you shine among colleagues who haven’t had the chance to learn climbing up these same tough hills. You may not believe it now, but some day you may even thank your tough boss for the chance to toughen up yourself.

Where’s Your Edge?

Your Jewish Fairy Godmother’s Prescription for

Leaping into Your Next Challenge

The alarm goes off. You brush your teeth, brew some caffeine and head in. What day is it? Monday-ugh; Tuesday-yawn; Wednesday-halfway (hooray!); Thursday-hang in there; Friday-TGIF!!!

What’s the problem? You know the drill. You know your job. You can script every day of the week, not down to the labels on the lost files but pretty close. You’re okay: secure, entrenched, safe, and yikes, can you say it out loud, totally bored,. You don’t want to die in this job but how’re you going to find the energy to prepare yourself for what happens next? Where did your energy and ambition go? Where’s your edge?

It’s a not uncommon lament. We’re all looking for that scent of danger, the utter vitality than comes from feeling completely alive. Not that we walk around wanting to face off lions or tigers; usually bosses are scary enough. We don’t really want to know first-hand if a parachute will open; giving a presentation is enough of a life-threatening thrill. But often we crave, secretly or not, the intensity and zeal that comes when we’re fully focused. And we tend to be most focused when we take risks, when we’re willing to leave the safety of a predictable week and test ourselves, see how we do in a new and different world.

So what’s it take to get ready? What do you have to do? Not just updating your resume and searching the help wanteds. What do you have to do on the inside? How do you leave behind the emotional baggage that’s weighting you down?

One way to face risk is to leave a safe distance between you and the edge. Look for an internal promotion. Be sure you have a secure financial safety margin. But what happens if you push the envelope a little? If you take the essentially risk-averse parts of your nature, the ones that usually run the show, and muzzle them for a while? If you allow yourself a flight of fantasy, visions of what you think you’d create, would become, would be if only.

The key is the ‘if only.’

Because if all you do is dream and then tuck those disruptive little thoughts away, or smile indulgently and then go back to your desk, sit back in the familiar chair of your predictable life, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.

That’s not to say that today is the day to quit your job and start a dot-com (or even to proclaim your adoration to the secret crush in an adjoining cubicle). But it might be the day to remember how to dream. To leave some space for an edge to appear, and then not to run from it.

Most of us have been trained to be parakeets. Too few were encouraged to become eagles. No one ever said: You can learn to fly. The ‘If only’s’ are the doubts that weight your wings, the words that keep you on the ground, safe in your cage. Take some time to think about what it means to fly. Because that’s what an edge is really all about. It’s what happens when you go over the side and trust that your wings will carry you.

How can you encourage yourself to take risks? And how can you figure out which risks to take?

The answer: start talking to yourself more and trusting the answers you come up with. In you is a great sense of understanding of what you really want, what makes you happy, what you’re willing to work and strive for, what you simply no longer are willing to put up with, and what you’re willing to sacrifice to reach some goal.

If you can learn to listen you will let yourself over the edge more often. You will probably make some ‘mistakes,’ but they won’t harm you more than you can bear. Though you may end up with a few tattered feathers, you’ll also learn something powerful. If you do it often enough, with a proper sense of joy and exploration, with fewer ‘if only’s’ weighting your wings, flying will begin to feel as effortless as swinging out of bed on a workday morning.

Risks don’t have to be big to give you the benefits you aspire to. You don’t have to throw yourself over a steep edge to feel the rush of pure air. You just have to want to take them badly enough to banish doubt from your mind.

Go for your dream, whatever it is. And if you aren’t sure, clear some space in your life for it to show up. When it does, fly with it.

Finding Your Wings

1. Commit half an hour completely to yourself. You can do this at home, (though turn off all phones), or in a library or a park. The key is insulating yourself from all distractions.

2. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line down the page. At the top of the left column, write Topic, and above the other one write Failure/Worst.

3. Write the following words in the left-hand column: Job; Salary; Job Search; Interview; Promotion; Boss; Colleague; Project; Learning Experience; Challenge. Feel free to adapt or add others.

4. You may come up with answers while you are writing the list. Jot down whatever comes to mind. This is a Working World  Rorschach test. Grab what’s in your forebrain first, so you remember it, and then peel it back and see what’s below. Most important: be honest.

5. Go through the list the way you would a crossword puzzle. Ideas and memories will trigger more ideas and memories. Your goal is emptying out all the fears, fixed ideas, and blocks you have about your work history. It may take you a while to put something in every category, but persist until you feel empty.

6. Take a week off from this project. Then go back and do the same thing, but label the right-hand column Success/Best. Repeat the previous steps till you’ve got the good things identified. Then reread both lists. What you’ll find out is:

Your failures, embarrassing moments scary times, will feel less bad to you. They are history. You’ve learned from them. You can move on. Burn the first list.

Your successes will give you strength and courage. Look at what you’ve already done! Read that list every day for a week. Keep it on your desk and add anything good that you remember or do.

7. Take a new sheet of paper and describe the next job you want. Be explicit. List everything from work hours to pay, title, responsibilities, whatever you feel you can imagine now and anything good you think of while you search.

8. Tape the list to your bathroom mirror and read it every time you brush your teeth.

9. Every time you send out a resume or go to an interview, remind yourself you’re the best person they could hire.

10. Repeat as needed until you believe #9 or reach your goal.