Category Archives: Food & Fitness

Seeking Inspiration

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I had a really rough year. I lost a beloved friend and a beloved
pet. I had medical issues that were difficult to diagnose and to cure. I
had to cut far back on my social life to accommodate all the
immediacies of family and healing. Now I am feeling isolated,
somewhat vulnerable, definitely poorer, and very protective of both
my body and my soul. I miss being the optimistic and outgoing person
I have been most of my life. I am wounded and fragile. Do you have
good advice for getting my mojo back?

Seeking Inspiration

 
Dear Seeking:

That old saying about the Chinese character for “crisis” also represents
“opportunity” is highly relevant. You’ve been through the worst of it,
one can only hope. Now’s the chance to create a better life, not just
re-create the one you had before all the bad (as if you could). Instead
of being in resistance to the changes, look for ways to become the new
and happier you.

 
Think about hummingbirds in a late summer garden. They’re attracted
to the bright colors, the reds and oranges, and they come seeking
sweetness. Your mojo’s only going to come back when you make an
attractive landing zone for it. Instead of cowering in your room hoping
the world turns into a friendlier place, go out and engage with it. Seek
out the sweetness life offers. Try new things and even new people.
You’ll have dead ends and misses. But you’ll also have surprises and
delights, and those joys– both hoped for and unanticipated– will start
to fuel your spirit again.

 
Think about your time: what’s fixed and what’s malleable about your
schedule. Identify zones that are available to pursue happiness. Then
go after it in a variety of forms.

 

 

Get into counseling: Even if you think you understand what’s been
going on in your life, heart, and soul, it can really help to get fresh
perspective. Friends know us inside and out. A new person, especially
someone trained to listen, probe, and help us open and see ourselves
differently, can add new perspective and insight. As you do the more
worldly things below, invest in your heart to keep your motivated
change pumping.

 
Do for others: Look for volunteer opportunities, from your local food
bank to a Habitat for Humanity build. See a bigger world than your
small life.

 

Get involved with a cause: Commit to helping, whether it’s for your
favorite candidate or a local or environmental issue.

 
Learn something new: Take an art class, study a language, or explore
a new way of cooking. But push your gray cells to work and play.

 
Get physical: All the gyms have New Year’s specials. Try Sufi dancing,
weight machines, Nia, spin, or restorative yoga. Look for ways to get
back into your body.

 
Get metaphysical: Start reading uplifting writers. Meditate regularly.
Even ten-fifteen minutes a day of quiet breath or life-affirming
mantras will impact your soul. So will going to synagogue more often,
both the prayers and the music.

 
Get mental: Join a book group by asking your friends if they know of
an opening, or start one based around your own reading preferences.
Share opinions and tastes, and get to know other people’s worldviews.

 
Make time for old friends: Get deeper with the friends who stood by
you in your tough times. Have them over for dinner one-on- one, or
start a monthly salon.

 
Meet new folks: Tell people you’re interested in expanding your social
circle. Ask to be invited to parties. Look at the “happenings” section in
the Weekly and go to gatherings that are a little bit of a stretch to
push you out of your comfort zone.

 
Cultivate curiosity: Like a child learning to walk, every baby step will
help move you down the road to happiness. Don’t isolate or clutch
what feels safe so tightly that you cannot embrace the new. Leave
room in your life for unexpected joys. Ask for and welcome surprises.

 

 

Give gratitude regularly: Times were hard. They’ll be hard again. The
best insurance policy is a warm personality and a resilient soul. Believe
in and cultivate goodness. Practice tikkun olam. Help the world heal
and you will heal too.

On Track

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I just inadvertently lost a lot of weight. Don’t get me wrong. At least
half my adult weight has been a struggle with mild obesity. Mild if you
consider thirty pounds a small problem. Before that it had much more,
as I put on a whopping ninety pounds in my first marriage. I know it’s
an old cliché to say that shows I was unhappy, but in this case it was
true!! Slowly I managed to lose and keep off ten pounds. The last
twenty-thirty was a fifteen-year battle. I’d get close and then fall
behind.

 
I recently survived a medical struggle. Maybe it was the meds
or maybe it was just the right time, but now I am ten pounds from
goal. I feel lighter in a way I haven’t for a very long time. People are
noticing. They keep telling me “how much smaller” I am, and that they
“hope I won’t put it back on this time.” Frankly, I’m a little insulted. I
always dress nicely, in clean clothes appropriate for the occasion. I am
intelligent, kind, and helpful to others. Why should what size I am
matter to anyone except me? How can I accept the compliment and
educate people at the same time? Should I just be grateful that I am
healthier and thinner and leave it at that? How can I get through the
holidays without backsliding?

On Track

 
Dear On Track:

Sadly we live in a society where everyone feels like they have the right
to have, and to share, an opinion about virtually everything in
everyone’s life. Also a society that idolizes thin and young, despite the
fact that most people are getting fatter and older. So if you go by the
cultural norms, you’re doomed to feel like a loser, and I don’t mean in
the good way that you are proud of becoming. So first of all
congratulations on surviving your medical battle, and secondly on
having kept off the bulk of your bulk for a long time.

 

The happy accident of recent weight loss is an achievement you can be
proud of. It’s one you should be able to hear praised by others. So
learn to accept a compliment and be proud of your success. You can
mention to others that you feel relived and happy about your medical
success, and that the weight loss, while a boon, isn’t what’s making
you so happy. In fact, what you’ve learned is that thinner is good, but
healthier is better. Say you plan to stay on track with both weight loss
and healing, and that you are happy to talk to others about why being
thin is fine, but not an answer to being happy. Tell them they should
go out of their way to compliment people who have worked hard to
heal as much as those who have dropped a dress size.

Sis

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a very dysfunctional sister. She is mentally ill though she has
never been officially diagnosed as such. She is a persistent abuser of
prescription drugs, which she manages to steal from work and/or
extract from doctors for various ailments. She’s a nurse, if you can
believe it, though is now working in a limited caregiver capacity in a
group home. Her life has been a declining series of tragedies
culminating in her losing her house. I went up to help her clean it and
move into a one-room rental in a friend’s home. When I saw her for
three days, I witnesed the level of her collapse firsthand. She slept in
till noon while I did all the practical things I could: dealing with movers
and a storage unit. I tried to explain to her how to post her valuables
on Craigslist, and gently alerted her future roommate that “she stays
up late ‘celebrating’”, without saying she is a pill-popping moocher. I
had filmed her with my iphone, high as a kite and dancing like a
madwoman in the middle of the night. I suspect it’s a drug interaction
from her random consumption of pills. She could die or have a seizure,
or she could end up a bag lady living on the street after she loses her
job because she treats the meds cabinet at work like a candy shop.
Also she is a shopaholic. I’ve lived a frugal life and always been a
responsible citizen. I know that some day I will get “The Call.” What
can I do between now and then? I do NOT want to take her in!!!

Sis

 
Dear Sis:

You are not going to be able to stop this train wreck. Your sister is
bound to be caught stealing meds, especially if she has an accident at
work. Just having her working in a group home could endanger the
health and sobriety of residents. One also has to wonder about the
level of supervision of both meds and employees, though turning her
in to her bosses exacerbates and hastens her and your inevitable
problems, rather than solving them.

You need a “come to Moses” meeting with her. You should tell her
everything you have observed, your fears, and, as hard as it may be
to do, your boundaries. I wouldn’t say you had filmed her, in part
because it will make her more cautious around you. But save the file
somewhere, in case you ever need to show a doctor or intervening
authority. You could threaten to tell her supervisor about her drug
habit if she will not voluntarily enter a program like Narcotics
Anonymous, go to regular meetings, and provide some kind of proof of
attendance. You should also insist that she meet with a financial
advisor, the type that helps people downsize debts, and put some kind
of long-term plan into action, including cutting off her credit spending.
Lastly, as hard as this may be to say, you need to tell her you are not
her final or financial safety net. Say that if there were an emergency
you would find her a group home but that you and your family cannot
do more. Suggest that she make plans with other family members who
may be more flexible or wealthier. Though she is unlikely to heed
much of this advice, you will have entered a new phase of relating,
and have had a conversation that you can reference as needed. But
ultimately, she will come to your door.

Dilemma of Riches

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m a month into a new relationship. We are both of age and well-off.
Neither cares about marriage again, but we have lots of interests in
common including travel. We are just getting used to and learning
each other’s likes and dislikes. Our tastes in movies and books are
quite similar, but in food very different. He is a bigger guy than I have
been with before, but I don’t mind. I am a little zaftzig and trying to
reduce before surgery. I don’t want to go fanatic on him about calories
or carbs. I don’t even care if he decides to lose weight. But I care a lot
about not having to choose between a potentially very good
relationship with him and a healthy relationship with my own body. Do
you have any wisdom to navigate the next several months?

Dilemma of Riches

 
Dear Dilemma:

The reasons we eat and overeat are many and varied. As one of my
very zafzig friends once said to me: I genuinely LIKE food. Assuming
you are an adult about what you like and what you need to do for your
body, create a generalized set of rules to address your pre-surgical
needs. Try to set limits of calories or carbs that are at least a little
elastic within a given week. That might be an allowance for eating
meals out or a one-day- a-week of not counting, as well as giving
yourself some special occasion passes for weddings or other big
events. What I have learned the very hard way is that any plan that is
pure black/white yes/no day in/out is almost certainly doomed to
failure. You’re going to have to learn to trust yourself and to be able to
say both Yes and No as necessary.

 
Once you know what you’re doing, take your new honey out for dinner
to discuss it. Be very clear about saying, I do not want my food habits
to harm this emerging us. I want you to decide what works for you
and I am not making any judgments about what you decide to do or
not. But I want you to know what I am going to try, in the hope that
when we are together, you will be more supportive rather than
tempting me to go off program. I promise to make it up to you in
kisses, if that’s any motivation. My guess is that your honey will say
yes and you will both reap the benefits.

Couch Potato

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I need to get off the sofa. I’ve been in a long-term vacation from
exercise after some very traumatic surgery a year ago. I’m finally off
the pain meds but I can’t seem to motivate myself. I pay for a gym
membership dutifully every month. I make dates to go on walks with
friends. I swear to my children every week that I will get back to being
the active senior that I was before the surgery. But when I go to get
ready to exercise, it is simply too easy to pick up the remote or the
phone. What can I do to motivate myself that will work. It’s not my
weight I am worried about, but my overall health, physical and
emotional.

Couch Potato

 
Dear Couch Potato:

Start with a general physical and visit with your doctor. Get reassured
that all your vitals are healthy. If there’s a concern about depression
being the cause of your inactivity, a doctor’s the best person to assess
it. S/he can develop an overall fitness plan for you. Because you’ll
probably have to wait for an appointment, at least a few weeks, start
by some gentle walking. Literally, walk out your front door after
breakfast and walk for, say, fifteen minutes the first day. As you walk
around your neighborhood, don’t forget to talk to people: other
walkers, dogwalkers, gardeners, shop owners. Just a Hi and a nod, a
Good morning, or just a wave will get you in the habit of connecting
with people again. You’ll even start to look forward to the walks which
you can extend for a couple minutes or blocks as you develop the
habit.

 
Another motivating tool is a pedometer. You can buy simple ones for
about $50 that you can wear around your neck. They track every step
(especially if you take it off last thing at night and put it on first thing
in the morning) and will inspire your inner competitor. (I attest that
this is true, she said proudly .) Setting a goal is very useful and
watching yourself get closer to it will inspire you. The traditional model
is 10,000 steps a day for weight loss. But just monitoring your daily
total will help you get closer to that goal. Bonus points if you can
inspire a friend to get one too and to compare notes and progress.
It takes time get back into exercise, especially after medical issues and
a long vacation. But as you begin to generate endorphins from moving
off the sofa, you will find yourself quickly looking forward to your time
on your feet.

Trimming

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m in a wonderful new relationship. It has been three months and I
don’t think I could be happier. He is sweet, funny, charming,
intelligent, and kind. We share similar values, hobbies, and politics. So
far my friends all like him, though his are far away (he just moved
here). The problem is that I have very strict orders from my doctor to
lose twenty pounds before an impending knee surgery this winter. I
am working with a dietician and changing how I eat. My new beau is a
foodie and we go to great restaurants. I am pretty good about what I
order for a main course, but he is always suggesting that we have
drinks, bread, appetizers, and desserts, and acts hurt when I demur or
don’t show the same enthusiasm about them. He is a big guy and
could lose some weight himself, but that’s between him and his
body/doc. I just need to stay on my program. How can I explain this
without ruining what could be a great thing?

Trimming

 
Dear Trimming:

Virtually every new relationship looks great in the first three months,
even six if you are lucky. Then the true issues begin to emerge. That’s
not to say they are fatal, just that they need to be addressed, and the
more difficult issue of how you communicate when things are less rosy
can quickly become the focus of how you relate, not just the kissing
and hugging and being happy.
You can start by reminding him when he wants you to order more than
you want to eat that you are trying very hard to follow your doctor’s
orders. You can try to allocate your calories/carbs/etc to allow a little
extra splurge for the times when you two are out, but he should be
willing to hear a No thanks when you order the same way you have
the right to respond Not tonight, dear. You get to decide what to do
with your body, and you should not be pressured (actively or
passively) into doing something else. There are legitimate health
reasons for your decisions, and if he is a keeper for the long run, he
will respect and support them. If not, you will have had a delightful
interlude, and have new criteria to add to your list when you start your
next relationship. I hope he is a mensch, and can be supportive and
encouraging, or at least not subversive to your efforts to get healthy.
Because if he’s not helping now, he probably won’t be a reliable person
post-surgery. Speak simply and clearly, and be consistent in your
behavior. Then hope he steps up. If not, think about new boundaries
for the relationship.

On Track

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

What can one say to someone who is unconscionably rude about
weight issues? I am fat. I admit it up front. I am on a medical program
and on Weight Watchers. I have taken and kept off almost 100
pounds. But the reasons that make it hard for me to lose more weight
faster are no one’s business but my own. I work out in an aqua-
aerobics class and there is a woman there, a former fattie who lost
with a radical medical procedure, who is very critical of everyone not a
skinny-malink. She told a man in the class who is planning a 1000-
mile tandem bike trip with his zaftzig wife to “get another partner or
she’ll strand you by the side of the road!” She hasn’t made rude
remarks to me directly, but I can feel her glaring eyes on me all the
time.

On Track

 
Dear On Track:

People who are rude, judgmental, and confrontational rarely respond
well to having the mirror turned around on then. While you may be
sure she is saying bad things about you behind your back, unless she
does so to your face you probably shouldn’t engage her in a battle of
who’s ruder about whom. Your judgments about her rudeness might
be construed as equally offensive, certainly by her and perhaps by
others. If you know for sure that she has said something about you,
you can talk to her. But be very sure that you do so with other people
around whom you believe will be reliable and articulate witnesses.
If she does say something to you directly, you can say something akin
to this: I’d heard that you have no boundaries to your rudeness,
especially about people who look like you used to. To be clear, my
relationship with my body is none of your concern. I do not give you
the right to judge me, nor will I internalize any of your opinions.
Please keep them to yourself. Others may not have the guts to tell
you, but we all think you are rude and unpleasant. Then turn and walk
away. It may not stop her, but it might quiet her down.

Twenty Pounds Over the Line

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m trying to get ready for knee surgery later this year. It’s very hard
sticking to a food and exercise program when you are dating and have
friends who celebrate life. There are too many occasions for eating
out, catching a drink, going to BBQs and graduation parties. I know
you have heard this a thousand times before, but what’s a polite way
to be social and engage with people without compromising my
principles and priorities. To be clear, this is not about vanity. It is
about medical necessity.

Twenty Pounds Over the Line

 
Dear Twenty Pounds:

Unless your friends are unusual, the person who raises a fork or glass
to her mouth and decides what goes in is you. And only you. So all the
advice in the world is no substitute for self-control, commitment, and
focus. Each meal, even each mouthful, is a choice. You may see a
warm fresh challah, inhale its aroma, imagine its pillowy goodness,
and yearn for its sweetness. But that doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
Or if you do, to have more than one appreciative bite. Or slice, or two,
or..….It is a slippery slope. Only you decide what is enjoyed by your
eyes and nose but not by your mouth.

 
Make a list of your food principles. There’s the obvious about low
sugar, low fat, maybe even low gluten. But there’s also the idea of
portion control within whatever food program you choose. If you are
going to a party, ask the hostess what’s going to be served. Don’t be
shy about saying That sounds lovely but my doctor has me eating
veggies. I hope you don’t mind if I bring a platter of fresh veggies and
low-cal dip to add to the offerings. When you dine out, order a salad
and an appetizer, not a full meal. Control your alcohol consumption.
Talk your diet plan over with your doc and get a sign off and set goals
together.

 

 

Don’t neglect the exercise part of the equation. Find a low-impact class
that you can tolerate, or learn to love water aerobics. Again, your
docwill have ideas. But once you have a plan, stick to it like glue until
after the surgery. You will be very happy later when you are light and
svelte and can embrace life more fully in your newly bionic body.

Stuck

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am feeling very stuck. I had been doing really well on my food
program (staying off sugar) but along the way I seem to have become
a complete carb junky. I can avoid sweet foods and still; find lots of
ways to keep myself sated with bread and butter. My clothes are
getting tight on me again and the holiday season is looming. I cannot
fall into the giant abyss of mindless eating or I will need more diabetes
meds. I wish fear were a sufficient incentive but it doesn’t seem to
work. What can I do?

Stuck

 
Dear Stuck:

Fear is not a good motivator. It may work for a little while but not for
the long run. Most people change by being pulled towards something
(e.g. health) or by being pushed from it (e.g. death). In your case a
lot more information would be a great cure. Because what works on
most diet plans may or may not right for a diabetic. Virtually every
health plan and Medicare will pay for a diabetic education plan. Sign
up now and treat it like your life depends on it. Then develop a cue
word or behavior, a mantra you have to say or an act or pre-contrition
to perform before you put anything in your mouth. The weeks between
Thanksgiving and New Year’s add five pounds to most people’s waistlines.
You don’t have the room, even if you have elastic waists. A little more
consciousness can save a lifetime of tsoris.

Hit the Brink

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am starting a very stringent food program. I’ll spare you the medical
details but assume they include long-tern chronic debilitating
conditions, mild obesity, and a sincere but wavering desire in the past
to “get healthy” and kick the medical issues through nutrition. I have
my doctor’s sign-off to do a three-month experiment that I have been
working my way into. The punch line on the NO foods are: no gluten
(and little non-whole grain), no sugar, no dairy, no caffeine, no
legumes. I’m not vegetarian but consume animal protein only
modestly. I can still imbibe small amounts of alcohol, assuming my
blood sugars are within certain limits. Here’s the problem: Look at the
calendar! I’m social and there’s no “Just wait until January” in this
experiment. In addition to Hanukah, office, Xmas, Ney Year’s and
other December events, there are birthdays, parties, Valentine’s, and
regular weekend socializing, all of which occur based on the Standard
American Diet, plus dessert. I don’t want to miss all the fun. I know I
can resist some temptations but I am not sure if I’ll cave or not. My
doctor is eloquent about what happens if I do.

Hit the Brink

 
Dear Brink:

It’s always tempting to say, I’ll just wait another week, month, or
season. But the reality is that there’ll just be a different set of reasons
not to begin, and your doctor’s eloquence is nothing compared to what
your pancreas and other organs are screaming at you. So you’ll need
to decide how committed you are, what’s fungible and what’s not, and
how you’re going to get through this well. You need to be clear, as in
100% clear, about what you’re not going to cheat on. If it’s wheat,
then no wheat means no wheat, as in zero none. If it’s sugar, then
none. The minute you give yourself permission to eat the target food,
especially “just this once,” you’ve put one foot on the slippery slope to
failure. The slide is exponential. I can testify. If your list is fixed, write
it down. Put it on the bathroom mirror and recite affirmations every
time you brush your teeth: I don’t eat……

 

 

Prepare yourself for social situations. Since you’re clearly going to be
eating something for this duration, you’ll be acclimating to substitute
foods. Bring a piece of fruit or whatever dessert you’re allowed. Ditto if
you can do special kinds of bread or other carbs. Develop simple
explanations for a hostess (I don’t expect special treatment) and other
guests (It’s a temporary but rigid approach to address a medical
condition). Mostly you&'ll need to develop a strength of personality
that’s unusual for most people. But if you’re truly motivated you can
get through this and get healthy. And if you don’t you’ll be asking for
very different accommodations.

Swan

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I am in the process of a makeover. It started with one of those free
makeup sessions at the mall. Then my inner Imelda discovered boots,
which I started wearing with tights. Hooray for the confluence of style
and my skinny legs. I started cleaning out my closet and got rid of
anything that made me look or feel fat (I am overweight but not
obese); that had stains, that was so far out of style I didn’t care it the
style came back. I decided that what had previously been “dress up
wear” was going to be my new normal. People noticed the boots and
tights. Then they started saying I looked nice, even that they thought
I had lost weight. I told my hairdresser I wanted to try a new style
(the first time in a decade). I feel thinner, younger, hipper, happier,
and like I have anew outlook on life. But now people are asking things
like: Have you met someone? And What’s going on? Why are you
dressing up? Do I need to say anything other than I’m ready to be a
new me?

Swan

 
Dear Swan:

You could leave it at just that. Plus a satisfied happy smile and a Do
you like the new me? Everyone has the right to self-determination of
his or her image, look, style, persona, whatever you want to call it.
Most of us of a certain age and older fall into patterns and habits in
lifestyle, dressing, even the routes we drives and stay stuck in them.
We buy something special for a wedding or B&'nai Mitzvah but in the
day-to- day we wear the same old same old until it wears out.
Sometimes we lose sight of the little tears and stains and our
wardrobes begin to look not just out of style but a little shabby. Ditto
for our shoes and hair.

 

Change is good and even good for your brain.
You can decide if you want to do a big shift or a more gradual one. But
this is a great time of year for the transformation. Use every holiday
party as an excuse to up the ante, and the post Xmas sales as an
opportunity to round out your new wardrobe. It helps to donate the
old things to make room for the new things. Or to put them in a bad
and let them sit to see what old favorites you miss. But save some of
your budget for spring. Two reasons: different wardrobe choices; you
don’t know now what shape you will be in and what style you will
eventually embrace. Play with your taste and image. Changing
yourself from the outside may inspire you to reduce your BMI too.
Enjoy being both Cinderella and your own Fairy Godmother!

TV Diet?

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I’m a football addict. If you passed me on the street you would see a
mild-mannered 65-year old. But when the season rolls around, it takes
lots of self-control not to start watching. I’ve never been addicted to
anything else, like alcohol or drugs, though maybe ice cream in the
summer. If I watched every game that’s on (college and professional)
I could lose every Monday and Thursday night, and all day Saturday
and Sunday. I have friends who are rabid fans of our local college
team (fingers crossed, national contenders!!) and others who root for
our hometown pro team (not so much, sigh). But I think I’m the only
one who would watch much more on my own. Do I allow myself to do
it for a few months, or set some limits?

TV Diet?

 
Dear Need A TV Diet:

Every addiction needs limits. Here’s my suggestions. Schedule your
“don’t miss this game” viewing time for games that you actually care
about. That’s approximately twelve for your college team and eighteen
for your pro team, two per week from September to December. Then
add in all the playoff and championship games in January and
February. The good news is that after the college bowl season ends
(intensive pre-holiday and holiday season viewing), you get a chance
to taper off, like drinking lite beer or low-cal ice cream. Make all of
those occasions social ones as well. Food and drinks, friends and
cheering. If you watch other games, keep track of them. Keep track of
your mood, what you eat, and why you are choosing to watch TV
rather than engaging with other people or a good book.

 
Then take inventory of your life and think about other activities that
give you pleasure. Activities as in active not passive. Anything from
playing cards or bingo to volunteer work. Schedule an equal amount of
weekly time for those, and yet again as much for other things that
give you pleasure but are not football. Think cooking a great meal or a
date. Whatever extra energy is left for TV, use to watch highlights
shows.

Help!!!!!

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I just moved all my winter clothes to the back of the closet and my
spring ones to the front. I cried after I tried on some of my favorites
from last year. I don’t want to buy a larger size but going naked is not
an option.

Help!!!!!

 
Dear Help:

My mother would always tell me, I’ll pay for Weight Watchers. I wish
she was around now so I could say Thanks.
Find a few things that still fit to tide you over for a month or two. Even
a few pounds lost will inspire you and help you get into some of your
clothes. There are a zillion diets around that promise quick massive
weight loss but only one real way to take it off and keep it off. That
way has two simple rules: Eat less. Move more. Start by following
those and you’ll be your slimmer self again soon enough.

All Puffed Up

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Helllppp!! I’m back on the carb train. I was doing pretty well with my
food and exercise program until Passover. Then I got addicted to
matzo. I’m not blaming Judaism for my lack of will power. But matzo is
what I call a carrier food. It’s the perfect vehicle for butter, butter, and
more butter, as well as cream cheese and lox, and other delicacies.
I’ve put it away but I still hear the white flour (and its friends
potatoes, sugar, rice, etc) calling to me. Can you give me a plan to get
back on the right track?

All Puffed Up

 
Dear Puffed Up:

One of my favorite cartoon is a Gary Larson image of the woman
sitting in her armchair while the sound balloon coming from the pie in
the kitchen is calling “Edna…Edna…Edna….” That’s how things like
cocaine and nicotine as well as sugar and carbs work. They are
addictive, and once they have us hooked it is oh so very hard to break
free of their alluring and beguiling calls.

 
Read my lips: The only way to stop is to s.t.o.p. As in STOP! You can
spend a lifetime researching different diet plans, and look for food
alternatives akin to a nicotine patch, as in tapering your intake slowly.
But ultimately all roads lead to one conclusion: If you don’t want the
impacts of what you eat to impact you negatively, then just stop
eating it. I’m rarely accused of quoting Nancy Reagan, but the “Just
say No” motto is applicable here. If you don’t put it in your mouth,
you’ll be one choice closer to being free of it.

 
Make a list for this week that you can stick to. Say, no sugar. Or no
white flour. Or no potatoes or rice. Think about white foods and refined
foods as being bad. Go one week without one of them. Then week two
add in a second. Begin to prove to yourself that you can just say no
and soon you will be able to do it consistently and more widely.

No More Fudge!!

Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

Every year my brother sends everyone in the family the same gift: a
box of bourbon-flavored fudge. It started when he moved to Kentucky.
The first year I thought it was a Southern food joke. But it’s become
annoying. I don’t like or eat the fudge. All my friends have had it re-
gifted to them. I’ve been forbidden to bring it to potlucks and gift
exchanges. It’s not that I need a different or better gift. But I hate
wasted money. If he really did want to send me some food there’s a
long list of things I would prefer, from fruit and cheese baskets to
something more esoteric. I’ve also taken up food preserving and
making everything from homebrew to kim chi, and would rather trade
specialty items than subsidize stores. Do I keep quiet or speak up?

No More Fudge!!

 
Dear No More:

Nothing beats honesty. People want their gifts appreciated, not
dreaded. Google to find out what he’s paying and then send him a
simple email. In it explain that you love him and love exchanging gifts.
But you’ve decided to be clear about what you do and don’t want to
share. Tell him that for the next few years you are proposing a
different gift exchange: everything from home-canned beer or
preserves to something re-gifted. Explain that you’d considered re-
gifting his last batch of fudge back to him, but that it seemed
unappreciative.

 
You can say that your family has changed its values around gifting,
given the life of plenty that you are living. Say you love him and want
to honor him so your gift to him is from your hands and heart, and
comes with only one condition: no more bourbon fudge. Say that if he
wants to gift you, you’re happy to have him donate to any of a list of
named charities, or send food from a similar list. But say you are
fudged out and ask him to respect that. The rest of the family can say
the same or eat fudge.